Text Messages from the Edge of High School (How I survived Midtown)
by MissCar
Summary: Follow-up to I Hope You Have Unlimited Text Messaging: Being human is hard. Being a teenager is harder. However, being a teenage Stark trying to pass as a human is impossible (especially when you're preparing to prevent the end of the world at the same time). But Starks don't believe in the impossible, especially Starks that have Steve Rogers as their future stepdad. LMD Friday
1. The Trouble with Being a Teenage Stark

Title: Text Messages from the Edge of High School (How I survived Midtown as a Synthetic Teenage Stark)

Summary: Being human is hard. Being a teenager is harder. However, being a teenage Stark trying to pass as a human is impossible (especially when you're preparing to prevent the end of the world at the same time). But Starks don't believe in the impossible, especially Starks that have Steve Rogers as their future stepdad.

Text messages from the life of a teenage LMD navigating the halls of Midtown School of Science and Technology the best way that she can.

Alternative summary: The State of New York believes that Tony should not raise a child, so his friends and AI Friday create an LMD teenager for him. It would be so much easier if his boyfriend were in the country.

Consider this an emotional palate cleanser after watching Endgame and probably crying your eyes out.

Welcome back to the Use Your Words/I Hope You Have Unlimited Text Messaging universe. Although since I haven't posted the last post-credit scene yet, it's like you haven't left. Before we head into the battle against the purple one, I thought we could use some fluff or at least teenage angst with a dash of fluff. I needed a little break before trying to fix Infinity War/Endgame. So this is going to be a short filling in the gaps story between the epilogue/first post-credit scene and the remaining post-credit scenes (that I will upload once we get to the point where it won't spoil the story). Think of these as the Agents of Shield episodes or Marvel one-shots in the grand universe of this series. However, there will be relevant plot points in this story for the series. This is still an MCU story even if we are now in the "Steve and Tony, have their shit together" timeline.

You need to have read _"I Hope You Have Unlimited Text Messaging_" to understand this story. Too much changed from canon. At least up to IP 18, otherwise, you'll have no idea why Friday is now an LMD going by the name Afia. However, she does respond to both names. She thinks of Friday as more of a nickname now.

Continuity-wise: Alternate timeline for AOS post episode 4.9 onward. Dr. Strange is happening around this time as it did in canon. Cloak and Dagger S1 will begin in about a month but will not be changed. We are Pre-infinity war/Endgame/Ant-man and the Wasp/Ragnarok. Information about the characters discovered during Spider-Man: Far from Home will be used throughout the story. However, no real spoilers because we are in a different timeline.

Rating: T for teenage angst, allusions to past child abuse, and cursing. Also, teenagers having to deal with parents that have an interesting sex life. Additional warnings will be given later in the story.

Warning: The only beta for this story right now is the Grammarly program. On the positive side, faster updates, but there are some things that you really need a human to point out. I am always looking for more humans to proofread my stories. Please send me a PM on fanfiction dot net if you're interested.

Relationships: Afia (Friday)& Tony & Steve, Tony/Steve, Peter & Ned & Afia & Michelle, Afia & Vision &Wand, Pepper & Afia, Princess & Afia, Afia & Coulson and one friendship that's going to be a surprise.

Background romantic relationships: Vision/Wanda, Leo/Hunter, Fitz/Simmons, and May/Coulson. Also, a lot of unrequited pining on the part of Flash Thompson. For who I'm not saying. A few other surprises as well.

Text message key:

Girl Friday = Afia a.k.a. Friday

Boy in the chair = Ned

Dad = Tony

CapDad = Steve

BFF Peter= Peter

Princess BFF = Princess Shuri

Aunt Pepper = Pepper Potts

Uncle Agent = Phil Coulson

MJ = Michelle Jones

A few will be at the end of the story to avoid spoilers.

Final note, I'm fudging the New York City school schedule for the 2016 – 2017 school year. Since I had school start earlier in the last story, I'm having the spring semester also start a week earlier. However, all the breaks will stay the same because they work well for plot reasons.

* * *

Part one: The Trouble with Being a Teenage Stark (Fuck Christine Everhart and Ty Ty)

January 1, 2017

Boy in the chair: Hey Happy New Year!

Girl Friday: Happy new year to you as well. I got to experience it in two different time zones.

Boy in the chair: I guess that means you're back in the states?

Girl Friday: Yes. We arrived last night just in time to celebrate the New Year a second time.

Boy in the chair: Cool. Those Quinjets must be fast.

Girl Friday: Very. Which was good because Peter starts classes tomorrow. Peter is happy, I'm sad.

Boy in the chair: You can feel sadness?

Boy in the chair: Shit! I'm so sorry I said that. I'm terrible at putting my foot in my mouth. Let's talk about why you're not starting school until after MLK.

Girl Friday: Actually I'm not starting until after the Presidential inauguration. And yes, I can now feel things because Wanda gave me a boost. I think she did it to use me as a guinea pig for something they're planning with big brother. I'm pretty sure she's conspiring with the Princess on something.

Girl Friday: I cried twice when watching Rogue One again on the way home.

Boy in the chair: I am still jealous that you get to watch Star Wars movies at home when they're still in the movie theater. You are so cool. I still wish you could start tomorrow.

Girl Friday: Apparently, it makes no sense for me to start the school year when everybody's getting ready for finals. So I get to spend my days alone at the tower or in DC with dad until school starts. I think they want me to just get used to having actual emotions before I start high school.

Boy in the chair: That's a good point. At least you will not have two take finals until June. Peter is happy he is back because he's having trouble being around your father after walking in on him having sex with Captain America. Please tell me Peter got a car out of it?

Girl Friday: No because as I mentioned, dad ended up getting May Parker-Riley, a townhouse in Queens for Christmas. She said no more big gifts until Peter's graduation. She also insists on paying dad the same money she paid in rent at the old place.

Girl Friday: Also, Tony now knows about Peter watching porn in Germany, and it came out during the talk. That's making everything even more awkward.

Boy in the chair: I thought you were joking about the house.

Boy in the chair: That would be mortifying.

Girl Friday: Not joking. We're moving next door actually. Dad thinks it's better if I'm closer to school, and May agreed to watch me when he travels to DC, probably because of the house.

Boy in the chair: That's so unfair. He would be so cool if he showed up to school in an Audi. All the girls in school will talk to us then.

Girl Friday: Which can still happen. Once Peter passes his driving test, both of them, he gets full use of one of the cars from the garage, if he drives me to school. Although, on second thought, it's probably best he doesn't choose one of the Audis. It might be a little too flashy.

Girl Friday: Dad also says to avoid people that only want to be your friend because of what type of car you drive.

Boy in the chair: Your father is wise. That might be a good idea because Flash's Audi has been stolen twice, not counting when it was borrowed by our friendly neighborhood spider. Although they might be taking his car because he's an asshole. See flashy cars don't always buy one friends.

Girl Friday: That doesn't surprise me.

Boy in the chair: Hey, quick turn on the Christine Everhart report.

Girl Friday: I think there's still a block on that channel. Dad's ex-boyfriend is the majority shareholder of the parent company. The only media source that my dad distrusts more is the daily bugle dot net.

Boy in the chair: Christine Everhart just choked on her water when she read the breaking news about your father marrying Stefan Carter. Why didn't you or Peter tell me about the engagement? Captain America is going to be your stepdad. That is so cool.

Girl Friday: They got engaged on Christmas and Peter wasn't informed until the plane ride back. We all cried together for like half an hour, even if I found out a few days earlier. Peter was probably waiting to tell you tomorrow. Although, I'm surprised that the press release is only going out today. It would've been better if the news broke while we were still overseas.

Boy in the chair: Maybe they were holding it until your dad told Peter. I think your dad sees him as another kid.

Girl Friday: He does. He's in the will.

Boy in the chair: Okay maybe it's good that you're not starting school tomorrow. It would be a madhouse. Betty has already sent out a mass message to the entire academic decathlon team about it. And some of what she said isn't that nice. I thought she was better than that.

Girl Friday: I just received a text from Michelle lamenting Betty for doing that. She was expecting Flash to do it. I hope everybody will be done talking about me by the time I actually start classes at the beginning of the new semester.

Boy in the chair: Unless something else happens that makes everybody talk about you again.

Girl Friday: Outside of another alien invasion, I doubt there will be anything else that will cause this much gossip about me. Besides, I don't think that's going to happen until at least April of next year.

Boy in the chair: LOL

Boy in the chair: That was a joke, right?

Girl Friday: It's best that I don't answer that. Anyway, sorry your crush isn't who you thought she was.

Boy in the chair: I do not have a crush on her.

Girl Friday: We should holo-chat just so you can see my disappointed face.

Boy in the chair: Okay I'm not sure I have a crush on her anymore, maybe. It's complicated. She's cute. Perhaps this was a one-time thing? We started talking more recently. We have a lot in common.

Girl Friday: Maybe. Although now she is sucking up to Peter so he will give her my number. Obviously, not realizing that he saw her earlier message. So again, sorry about your crush.

* * *

Three weeks later.

January 22, 2017

Boy in the chair: OMG! I saw you on the news on Friday. How cool was it to be at the inauguration? Did you get to meet the President? What about the Vice President? At least this one isn't evil, right?

Boy in the chair: I'm still mad that my mom said I couldn't go with you guys and dad said it was her decision. Going to a Presidential inauguration is educational. She doesn't think your dad is that responsible and put her foot down as soon as she found out May wasn't going because of work.

Boy in the chair: Which is crazy because he's an Avenger. That's a big responsibility. Is your dad really going to be the new head of the ATCU? That also shows that he's responsible. I think she watches the daily bugle dot net too much. They really hate your dad, and it's gotten worse since he started dating "Stefan" publicly.

Girl Friday: I understand, though. You really have to keep her from watching that "news site," and I use the term news liberally.

Boy in the chair: I know.

Girl Friday: The President was kind. So was the Vice President. I'm pretty sure she's not evil. No Watchdog ties at least. And she didn't get ridiculously offended when Michelle challenged her policy record. Yes, Michelle did that. Twice. The VP wants Michelle to actually apply for a White House internship.

Boy in the chair: Of course, she did. It's so unfair that she got to go with you. Her dad was totally okay with her being there, and he's like ridiculously paranoid. Justified, because his niece was kidnapped as a baby in the 80s, but he was still okay with it. That just shows how out of it my mom is.

Girl Friday: I blame the daily bugle dot net. Michelle was with us because her dad was with us. Maybe by Easter, your mom will trust my dad, and you can come with us to Europe for spring break. It's supposed to be the big Pepper Steve meet up. I'm going to need emotional support.

Boy in the chair: I hope so. Getting to meet Captain America would be so cool. I can't believe he will be your stepdad soon. That's instant popularity right there.

Girl Friday: Of course, no one knows that my new stepdad is Captain America or was Captain America. He still going by the Nomad code name. Besides, I rather have people like me for me and not who my parents are.

Boy in the chair: That's very true. I totally like you for you. I liked you when you were still Friday.

Girl Friday: I'm still Friday, mostly. I'm still trying to navigate life in the physical form of a teenager with actual emotions instead of just the proximity of emotions. Any last words of advice before I join the world of high school tomorrow?

Boy in the chair: Flash is an asshole. He thinks he can get away with anything because his mom and dad are rich. Although your dad is richer, so he's either going to try to date you, despite you being two years younger than him or turn you into his new enemy. Don't be a Flash, even though your dad is Tony Stark.

Girl Friday: Noted

Boy in the chair: Abe is cool and has turned burning Flash into an art form.

Girl Friday: I feel like that wouldn't be hard. What else?

Boy in the chair: According to MJ, Betty is probably going to try to be your friend only to get you to do an interview about your father on her school morning show because she'll know that it will go viral and get her the internship at WHiH. If you want to do an interview with any of our classmates, go with Jason.

Girl Friday: I don't want to do an interview with anybody, but I will take that under advisement.

Boy in the chair: Also, according to MJ, Betty is looking for a new BFF since Liz is gone. Betty cut her entirely out of her life due to her dad being a criminal. Michelle's recommendation is to avoid her because "real friends always have your back."

Girl Friday: And your recommendation?

Boy in the chair: I'm starting to wonder if she only started talking to me because I'm friends with you. She did start eating lunch with me after pictures of us hanging out ended up on twitter. And I know what she wrote about you before, and I don't know. My mom always said that outer beauty does not equal inner beauty.

Girl Friday: That is very wise. So I should avoid Betty?

Boy in the chair: Yes, for the moment anyway. Let me fill her out a little bit more for you. Asked Tiny to play chess, and you'll have an instant friend. Although he's going to want you to join the team. Cindy's also cool.

Girl Friday: I'm aware. And we've met. Also, I've read her Shield file.

Boy in the chair: Why does Cindy have a Shield file? When did you meet each other?

Girl Friday: Is there anyone else I should avoid?

Boy in the chair: Thompson but we've already covered that. Also most of the cheerleaders and at least half the basketball team.

Girl Friday: Midtown has a basketball team?

Boy in the chair: Just because we are a science magnet school, doesn't mean we don't have a sports team.

Boy in the chair: Turn on WHiH right now. I just got a Google alert.

Girl Friday: Again, that channel is still blocked because of the ex-boyfriend nonconsensual sex tape thing.

Boy in the chair: Thank you for sharing that. Definitely not something I thought I would ever know about Tony Stark.

Boy in the chair: Betty just sent an alert to the entire decathlon team. This is not good. Don't read anything in our discord channel right now. Stay away.

Girl Friday: Okay, I just unblocked the channel over Ana's objections. Why are they still talking about the engagement three weeks later, even though dad was just named as the new acting head at the ATCU beginning March 1? I didn't think the ex asshole would be this bitter.

Boy in the chair: Unfortunately, they're not talking about your dad being engaged to Stefan Carter anymore, but Steve Rogers.

Girl Friday: Oh, Fuck! How did she figure that out?

Boy in the chair: From a video file of gritty footage from the daily bugle dot net. It looks like it is from Malta at Christmas. Look, they have an eyewitness to collaborate.

Girl Friday: Ana alert Jane but I'm sure she knows. Also, dad and Aunt Pepper. I think CapDad is sleeping right now but sent a message to Nat or Robbie. They never sleep.

Ana Junior: Jane already knew from when it showed up on the daily bugle dot net earlier. I was ordered to not let you find out until morning.

Girl Friday: I am not surprised. You think dad would've learned from Grandpa Howard's mistakes. But nope. Ned, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I need to go yell at my dad.

* * *

Girl Friday: Dad, I know that you're trying to protect me from the cruelty of the media, but I do have friends, and I know how to undo the parental blocks. Also, Betty just emailed the entire decathlon team, which means the whole school will know that Steve Rogers is my stepfather within the next three minutes. I've been told not to go into the decathlon discord chat.

Girl Friday: Remember your number one parenting rule: don't be Howard. He tried to keep the truth from you, and you hated finding it out as an adult.

Dad: Sorry sweetheart. I promise I was going to tell you in the morning, I just wanted to do damage control first. Also, I wanted to keep the initial wave of outrage away from you t because that's always the worst. I also want you to find out from me, not Everhart or Betty from the decathlon team. And yes definitely stay out of the discord chat.

Girl Friday: It's okay.

Dad: Look, this is a "dad" problem, not a "you" problem. You don't need to worry about this. We knew it was going to come out eventually. Not everybody was going to stay in denial land. At least we were lucky enough that it came out after I was announced the new head of the ATCU. I wished it would've waited until after I was actually on the job, but Jane has a plan.

Girl Friday: A lot of people knew. Chris Evans just sent out a Tweet lending you and Steve support.

Dad: As well as a private text message of support. That was nice of him. Oh god, Baker is calling. We'll talk in the morning. Get a proper night sleep/recharging.

Girl Friday: I will dad.

To be continued.

* * *

I swear I wrote 99% of this chapter before Far From Home came out. Any resemblance to a particular post-credit scene is purely coincidental but hilarious. Although I did change it from being generic paparazzi to the daily bugle dot net.

All secrets come out eventually.


	2. 2: No One Wants to Start a New school

Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last section. Also, thank you to everyone who added the story to their alerts. You are all fabulous.

I forgot to mention last time, but the story is complete. I'm just polishing up the chapters right now. There are 11 in total. I plan to post weekly(-ish). This will hopefully lead us into our Endgame /Infinity War fix-it story.

There will be a slightly longer lag time between this chapter and the next one because I will be posting the final post-credit chapter of I Hope You Have Unlimited Text Messaging Saturday.

Spoiler Warning: Slight Far from Home reference

Now on to part two.

* * *

**Part 2: No One Wants to Start a New School in January (Especially after everyone finds out your dad is marrying the original Captain America**).

January 23, 2017

Dad: I feel like I'm totally pulling a "Howard" on you, but I need to be on a Quinjet in like 30 minutes for an emergency meeting with the President. Mary is going to drive you to school. No, I'm not happy about going back to DC after being in New York for less than 48 hours. Especially because I'm missing your first day of school.

Dad: I also text May, the one who didn't date your stepdad, to see if you can stay with her for the next few days. I hope it's okay since they are mostly moved into the new house. Unfortunately, I have no idea when I will get back.

Dad: Also, the tower is covered with paparazzi, so maybe it's better if you're at the house in Queens. Actually, it's probably better if we moved to our home in Queens, sooner rather than later. It will be less of a commute to school for you anyway. Also, for my mental health, I can't live on top of the ATCU's New York offices, once they move in. I don't know why I thought living on top of SI was a good idea before. This is why they moved upstate.

Dad: Once we move out, I'm thinking of giving the townhouse to your Uncle Agent. Maybe that way they'll stay here more than in DC.

Girl Friday: Someone has to be in DC, especially with Mack and Yo-Yo on the West Coast most of the time.

Dad: Well, somebody is finally up. They're dealing with the West Coast stuff because Pym told me to go to hell, twice. Just last week. Mack can be in charge of West Coast operations.

Girl Friday: I was already fully charged, but according to Wikipedia, teenagers my age need nine hours asleep. I'm trying to get the authentic experience.

Dad: Unfortunately, this will not be happening because your dad is a recovering alcoholic billionaire with too many enemies. I'm really sorry. I wanted to drive you to school myself. Also, remember Wikipedia is not a primary source, but the references listed can be a useful starting point.

Girl Friday: It's probably best this way. We would be mobbed by paparazzi if you were with me.

Dad: That's going to happen anyway right now. I had to go out the tunnels and have the driver pick me up three blocks over. And someone still posted a video of me on twitter, so that trick won't work a second time.

Girl Friday: Wonderful. Best first day of school ever [exasperated emoji]

Dad: The sarcasm is strong with you young one.

Girl Friday: That's Totally Your Fault.

* * *

Boy in the chair: Hey, Are you coming to school today? I'm so sorry about what they were saying about your dads on TV, Twitter, and the daily bugle dot net.

Boy in the chair: And Discord. Please don't tell me you read the academic decathlon team's Discord? It's a bad sign when Flash is like one of the few people not being a Dick in there.

Boy in the chair: He actually defended you and your dad, which was weird.

Boy in the chair: You know I think it's totally cool that Iron Man and Captain America are getting married. It's even better that they work through their issues. I would like for them to be on speaking terms the next time aliens invade earth, which apparently is scheduled for April 2018. It is better for everyone's survival if the Avengers are back together.

Boy in the chair: Michelle said there was an invasion in the 90s that the government tried to cover-up. There may have been one in the 80s too. Both she and her dad are really into government conspiracy theories. Allegedly, Shield kidnapped her cousin when she was a baby before MJ was born. They also tortured her uncle's then-wife for months, nearly killing her.

* * *

BFF Peter: Hey, when are you going to get here? Our first class starts in 15 minutes. Ned is getting nervous. You never texted him back last night or this morning. Apparently, he's been texting you nonstop.

BFF Peter: Actually, even MJ is nervous. She is never nervous.

BFF Peter: We are all worried because of twitter. Also, everybody keeps coming up to us and asking questions.

BFF Peter: Me mostly because they know that I am an SI intern.

* * *

MJ: Hey, where are you? Did you decide not to come because of the Christine Everhart report?

MJ: I can't believe she invaded your privacy like that. Most of us knew that Stefan Carter was actually Steve Rogers, we were just being polite. Steve Rogers deserves to have his own identity. Despite what the DoD believes, he is not a slave to the U.S. government. He has a right to take a stand against the Accords. Their current incarnation is too likely to be abused.

MJ: Although, I'm surprised that they were able to put political differences aside and start dating. Their impending marriage is equally shocking.

Girl Friday: Their differences were not as profound as initially assumed. They both think Ross was evil and using the Accords to advanced his own personal agenda. Neither were against oversight, but concern over who would be in charge. Dad is just more used to the way the political world works and knows it was better to play the game from the inside than the outside.

Girl Friday: Germany would not have happened if they actually talk to each other first. They got better at communicating once they started dating.

MJ: This is why your dad is taking over the ATCU (which is really new Shield) according to the Rising Tide? So are you coming to school?

Girl Friday: Yes, and yes. I'm doing a group text next to everyone because you, Peter, and Ned have been texting me all morning.

Girl Friday: Also stay away from the Rising Tide. They actually have some ties to Hydra. Trust me on that.

* * *

Girl Friday: Ned, Peter, and MJ: Yes, I'm coming to school. We are pulling up right now. I'm not backing down because of Everhart or the daily bugle dot net.

MJ: Nor should you.

BFF Peter: I didn't think you would, but maybe you should make your dad drop you off a few blocks away. There are a couple of news vans in front of the school. Everhart is here personally. She just arrived only five minutes ago.

Girl Friday: Fuck! How did she beat us here?

Boy in the chair: She was awful. It's like she personally hates your dad.

Girl Friday: She does. According to dad, this is why you should only have sex with people you actually like. Also, why you should negotiate what you want upfront with any partner. Although, I've been told multiple times that I shouldn't think about that until I'm 18.

MJ: Of course your father would say that. It's none of his business, what you do. It's your body. He was probably younger than you.

Girl Friday: Actually, he was 20. Also, his first serious relationship made a non-consensual sex tape and outed him for profit. He is now Everhart's big boss.

BFF Peter: I did not want to know that.

MJ: Okay, that makes what Everhart is doing even worse.

Girl Friday: I believe the saying is 'it's not right, but it's okay.' We're fine, though it did take us a little longer to get out of the tower. Everhart herself was standing outside waiting for us. I bet she took a helicopter. Thankfully, dad was already on his way to DC.

BFF Peter: So you're staying with us for a few days?

Girl Friday: I think so. Dad text your aunt before hopping on a Quinjet to DC. He's not sure when he will be back, but he's currently in an emergency meeting with the President and various advisors.

MJ: Of course, your dad is meeting with the President. I hope he doesn't lose his position because of this. I don't trust any of the other options.

Boy in the chair: You trust no politician.

MJ: Considering Senator Nadeer conspired with a Russian backed terrorist organization a.k.a. The Watchdogs as well as kidnapped and tortured her own brother, I think I have a right to be paranoid. Did you read what she did?

Girl Friday: It's worse than what's being publicly reported. I can't tell you what else she did, but it was terrible.

MJ: Which should surprise no one. Instead of talking about the abusive of Inhumans, the media is fixated on who your father is marrying. It's none of their damn business. So, Captain America has a boyfriend? This is not new. There have been rumors for decades.

Girl Friday: Dad says this is the cycle of media. He also said he's glad that neither twitter, Facebook, Instagram or YouTube existed when the sex tape came out.

Boy in the chair: Yeah, that's probably a good thing. Although it's become a Meme recently.

Girl Friday: I know. Dad is pissed, and Capdad wants to punch someone.

BFF Peter: Do you have your schedule?

Girl Friday: Yes. World history first period with Mr. Menendez.

MJ: Be glad he doesn't stick to the history book. That thing is a literal whitewashing of history.

Boy in the chair: Betty and Flash are in that class.

Girl Friday: That's going to be awful since the entire world now knows that Steve Rogers is going to be my stepdad. I hate Christine Everhart with a fiery passion.

BFF Peter: I'm so sorry that broke last night.

Girl Friday: Obviously she's known for a while. Because she personally hates my father, of course, she chooses to break it right before I start school to break the story.

MJ: The daily bugle dot net broke it, and Everhart only confirmed it.

Girl Friday: But no one trusts the daily bugle dot net. Everhart is different, she almost comes off like an actual journalist instead of an Alex Jones knock off. That's dangerous.

Girl Friday: We all knew it would come out eventually. But dad wanted to keep it quiet until he formally took over the ATCU.

MJ: Is that still going to happen?

Girl Friday: I think so, but dad's going to have to be in DC all week for damage control. Again, I hate Christine Everhart.

BFF Peter: I'm kind of glad you'll be staying over though. May just text me to let me know that you will be staying with us. She said it's the least she can do since dad bought us a new house.

BFF Parker: Also, the giant lab in the basement. I can't wait until it's done.

MJ: Your father bought Parker a house?

Girl Friday: A small townhouse. We have the one next door because dad wants us to have someplace close to our school that the paparazzi won't know about. Also, this way, May can keep an eye on me because the state of New York won't let me stay alone because I'm legally 14 years old.

BFF Peter: It was a Christmas present. Only Mr. Stark gives houses as Christmas presents.

MJ: I shouldn't be surprised. Your father definitely likes to throw around money like that.

Girl Friday: Honestly, he gives people houses a lot. Fitz and Simmons got the old Arlington family house. My future stepdad got the Malta estate. Big brother and the sister in law have a home in an undisclosed country, somewhere in the EU. I'm pretty sure my father is trying to find a new farm for Laura and family in upstate New York near the compound.

Boy in the chair: You get a house, and all I got was a scholarship. That's unfair.

Girl Friday: It's free tuition to MIT. You probably will be able to buy your own house because of it. Hey, I see you guys.

BFF Peter: You're not even holding your phone.

Boy in the chair: How are you texting us and not holding your phone?

Girl Friday: All three of you know what I am.

MJ: Maybe you should still use a phone. It will help you blend in more. You do want to keep your secret identity, unlike some people we know.

BFF Peter: I resent that.

Girl Friday: True.

* * *

Dad: Heads up. First White House press release coming out soon. They're selling my reconciliation with Steve as a government sanction attempt to deal with the fallout from Germany.

Girl Friday: Is that good or bad?

Dad: I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm still taking over the ATCU on March 1, so that's a positive. Although, I decided that it wasn't the right time to mention my idea to create a satellite/drone alien defense network a.k.a. EDITH. Mostly because I was resisting the urge to push his arrogant Chief of Staff out a window.

Dad: As well as the communications director.

Girl Friday: Is the deal still in place?

Girl Friday: Also, please change the acronym before Steve finds out what it means. Actually, just change it.

Dad: Yes, although I'm no longer allowed to have any direct impact on the Accords renegotiations. Coulson, Joey, and Daisy will be taking my place for the ATCU. Our goal is still to get Steve and the other secret Avengers back home before Purple day.

Dad: It's a good acronym.

Girl Friday: No, it's not.

Girl Friday: Isn't that better since the three of them are more directly affected by the Accords?

Dad: True. It is a silver lining in all of this mess. Hey, I have another meeting. Love you.

Girl Friday: Me too

Dad: Be back soon. Be good for May.

* * *

Boy in the chair: Hey, sorry I was in the library at lunch. I wanted to start on my English paper early. At least we don't have to keep journals like we did in creative writing last semester. I hated having to write the thing by hand.

Girl Friday: By hand?

Boy in the chair: We all did, you know to prevent the whole thing ending up on Instagram. Except for Flash. He had special permission to type his up for reasons unknown. I'm glad I don't have any classes with him this semester. He's not with us in AP chemistry, and I doubt he is in Calculus 1 with us. I think you, Peter, and I are going to be the only sophomores in there. MJ is doing AP Bio instead.

Girl Friday: I have two.

Boy in the chair: How did classes go?

Girl Friday: Badly. Outside of our teacher, Seymour was the only person in my first class that didn't ask inappropriate questions about my father and his fiancé. I don't like Betty. I do not need fake friends. I'm pretty sure she only talk to me because I'm Tony Stark's daughter.

Girl Friday: Also because Captain America will soon be my stepfather and I know all the Avengers.

Boy in the chair: Told you.

Girl Friday: In second, Cindy was the only one nice to me, and I think that might be because Laura asked her to. Cindy was actually kind to me and not because my dad is an Avenger and ridiculously wealthy. In addition to inappropriate questions mostly related to Avenger sexual habits, I got some of that as well.

Boy in the chair: Cindy knows Laura? Why does she know Laura?

Girl Friday: You will have to talk to Cindy about that. I'm so glad I had seminar with MJ. When anybody tried to talk to me, she glared. The only one who wasn't scared off by that was Flash.

Boy in the chair: I'm not surprised about Seymour. He would be respectful. Also, I am not surprised about Flash. Again, he's an asshole. Also, I think that's because he has a crush on MJ. He likes antagonizing her too much.

Girl Friday: If that's the case, then he also has a crush on Peter.

Boy in the chair: No way. He's an asshole to Seymour and most of the other out kids on campus.

Girl Friday: Internalized homophobia is a thing. Ask my stepdad about that time he dated a closet case and married Senate staffer. You know, without realizing that he was married and in the closet. Actually, ask him about his first boyfriend, Artie. Armoured Closet Gay is also a thing.

Boy in the chair: No. I'm too afraid to actually talk to Captain America. I might start hyperventilating or throwing up, and that would just be bad for everyone.

Boy in the chair: Look, Outside of hacking into his therapy journal from last semester, I have no idea what's going on inside of the mind of Flash Thompson, and I don't think I want to. There are somethings you don't want to know.

Girl Friday: Hey, that's a good idea. Although don't use the word hack in front of my father. He doesn't like it.

Boy in the chair: Of course.

Boy in the chair: Wait, what are you planning to do?

Boy in the chair: Please don't do anything illegal.

Girl Friday: I'm a Stark.

Boy in the chair: That's what I'm afraid of.

To be continued.


	3. Part 3: We All Have Our Secrets

Thank you to everybody who read or review the last conversation. You are all fabulous. I think this is probably one of my favorite chapters in the story because it's very important to the overall arc of the series.

Spoiler warning: There are big references to Endgame in this chapter along with a few tiny references to Spider-Man: Far from Home. Remember that Robin can draw the future or at least a possible future.

Other warnings: References to Child Abuse and potential character death.

* * *

**Part 3: We All Have Our Secrets (Even the School Asshole).**

January 24, 2017

Aunt Pepper: Good morning, sweetie. I just had an early-morning call with your dad. Way too early West Coast time because he still doesn't understand time zones at all. Since I'm up, I thought I would check-in and see how high school is going so far.

Aunt Pepper: Even though you talked to him the last night, he feels like you're more likely to tell me the truth. He asked me to talk to you.

Girl Friday: No, he would send the sister-in-law in, but he's afraid to call her outside of an emergency. Not that I blame him. We bonded because she gave me feelings.

Aunt Pepper: True. But I still would like to know how school is going?

Girl Friday: Badly. It's only been one day, and I'm deeply regretting deciding to go to normal school. Also, things are not dying down, and everybody keeps asking me about my dad turning Captain America gay because the concept of sexuality as a spectrum is lost on sophomores.

Aunt Pepper: As well as my ex-boyfriend.

Girl Friday: I have to keep reminding myself that I can't punch out my classmates because then everyone will know I have powers, and that's the best-case scenario. I don't know how Peter has restrained himself for the last year.

Girl Friday: Well, not Seymour and Cindy but just about everyone else. I hate Betty so much. Flash, I at least understand why he's acting like a dick. He feels like it's the only way to get any attention outside of his Instagram. Betty is just fake. You don't abandon your best friend since third grade just because her dad gets arrested. Dad told me to avoid fake friends, and I am. There's just so much of it here.

Aunt Pepper: I'm sorry. Maybe you should've waited until next week to start.

Girl Friday: It's fine, Aunt Pepper. It wasn't like you were the one who gave the video to Everhart.

Aunt Pepper: I'm still sorry.

Girl Friday: I'm a Stark. Is it really ever going to die down? Even if I started in a week, I probably would still be getting that question. I should probably ask Capdad how I should respond. I have just been ignoring everyone, especially Betty and Flash.

Aunt Pepper: I've heard things from your dad about Flash. Apparently, he picks on Peter a lot.

Girl Friday: I think this might be pulling pigtails syndrome. He's deep in the closet and is sexually attracted to Spider-man but unable to process that attraction. Instead of acknowledging this, he keeps hitting on me when not asking me questions about dad.

Girl Friday: Although, now that I think about his questions are a little different than everyone else's. He didn't ask when I found out my dad was gay but instead did my dad always know he was bisexual. As well as how did my grandparents react to that, if they knew.

Aunt Pepper: That Is Different. Although, you could be reading a little too much into it.

Girl Friday: Also he may be attracted to Peter as well but again not processing. At least that's what his diary entries imply. I think it's because his dad is a homophobic asshole and his mom doesn't care. She is too busy being the queen of Wall Street. The only good person in his life is his butler. The diary entries were confusing.

Aunt Pepper: You broke into his computer?

Girl Friday: His password is IluvSpider-man4ever. Not as bad as Uncle Happy's but still easy. It was Ned's idea. I just want to get to know some of my classmates better. It's also how I found out about Betty is ghosting Liz. Flash and Michelle are the only ones still talking to her. And in Michelle's case, they didn't actually talk to each other until after. Ned is not on that list, because they were never friends before.

Girl Friday: Peter tried, but she told him to go fuck himself because he did turn her father in although she did apologize for kicking him in the dick. I think they might be talking to each other again now. Although, I'll need to check the server to confirm.

Aunt Pepper: Friday, don't do that.

Girl Friday: I didn't read Betty's diary because she wasn't in that class. And even if she were, she would've done it in hard copy because she's not secretly dyslexic like Flash. I just accessed her text messages and DM's. Which is good because she's selling pictures of me to WHIN.

Aunt Pepper: At least it isn't that crazy bugle blog. You are so Tony's kid right now. I'll let Jane and the lawyers know to take care of it. But really, you shouldn't break into the electronic lives of your classmates.

Girl Friday: Even if you find out that they might be in danger, mostly because their father is a homophobic asshole that may potentially be abusive?

Aunt Pepper: That might be something to mention to Laura or possibly Joey in this case. He is still Peter's partner for his after-school "job". However, don't violate the privacy of others. I thought Tony talk to you about this after he found out you forwarded his therapy letters to Sergeant Barnes in addition to Steve, during Christmas?

Girl Friday: Yes. But I don't get why it's wrong because I was helping. Also, the letters were addressed to him in the first place.

Aunt Pepper: Privacy is essential. You have to respect the privacy of others. If you're really concerned, try being his friend and find out the information that way. And if it's as bad as you think it is, talk to the legal team and Laura. They can provide you with additional guidance on how to move forward.

Girl Friday: OK, I'll try. I'm going to sit with him at lunch. Hey, I have to go. My next class starts in two minutes.

Aunt Pepper: Bye, sweetie. Let me know if you need anything. I promise to keep an eye on your dad.

Girl Friday: You're the best.

XXXX

Girl Friday: Hey Steve, I'm sorry I should have texted you Monday when everything came out about you being the one dad is actually marrying.

Girl Friday: Besides my warning message, anyway.

CapDad: It's OK. We knew this was going to happen eventually. That conspiracy theory website was starting to gain traction. Jane, Sam, and Nat are helping me draft my own statement. It should be released by the end of the day.

Girl Friday: That's good because all my brand-new classmates are asking me inappropriate questions such as, "did your dad make Captain America gay" and "did you always know that your father was a…" I'm not going to use the word that they did, but you get the idea.

CapDad: I grew up in the 30s and worked at a secret gay bar decades before Stonewall, I definitely get the idea. The words are different, but the sentiment is still the same. Teenagers are cruel.

Girl Friday: You should put the gay bar thing in your official statement. I think it would help.

CapDad: Maybe. I really wanted to do the PSA first. Now it looks like I was ashamed because I didn't get to come out publicly on my own terms.

Girl Friday: But that's not the case. You were out to everyone that mattered. So I guess I'm going to be pointing classmates to the press statement once it comes out.

CapDad: It depends on why they're asking.

Girl Friday: I think there's one classmate that might need the real answer.

CapDad: Point everyone else to the press release. But to that one kid that needs an honest answer, tell him that your future stepdad had a boyfriend in the 30s even when he knew it could get him arrested or killed and did it anyway. Don't let anyone else make you afraid to be who you are.

Girl Friday: Thank you, you're the best stepdad ever.

CapDad: Hopefully, the only stepdad you'll ever have.

Girl Friday: I want that too. I got to get to class. At least Cindy will be there. I'll talk to you later.

CapDad: The other one who got bit by a radioactive spider on that field trip?

Girl Friday: Yes. Peter doesn't even know yet because she is so much better at keeping secrets.

Xxxxx

Boy in the chair: Why are you eating lunch with Flash? He is an asshole. Also, MJ and Seymour said that he kept hitting on you during first period and seminar.

Girl Friday: So is my dad. It's a defense mechanism. Also, I think Flash's flirting is also a defense mechanism. I am definitely not his type.

Boy in the chair: Your dad is not an asshole. He's a superhero.

Girl Friday: No, he's an asshole, to people who don't know him anyway. Definitely to the board of directors. There is also an entire angry ex-employee Discord Who are planning to get their revenge somehow. I really need to keep an eye on "Q Becks".

Girl Friday: Those of us who know him he's the sweetest person ever. It's just hard for people to see him beyond the sunglasses and the swagger. They don't even know that he sobered up.

Boy in the chair: OK, that's true for your dad. I'm not sure about Flash. Also, Peter is giving you a thumbs up for actually texting with your cell phone.

Boy in the chair: OK and Flash just threw a jell-O cup on him for giving you a thumbs up. Like that was actually an accident.

Boy in the chair: I can't believe you just poured Jell-O on Flash.

Boy in the chair: You just got detention for that didn't you?

Girl Friday: Yes, because apparently being Tony Stark's daughter doesn't give me special privileges and I need to adjust to the real world. Although Flash didn't get detention for doing the same thing because the vice principal believed him when he said it was just an accident.

Boy in the chair: Because his parents finance the academic decathlon team. He has money. Not Stark money but still worth a few million. I think Flash is only here because he couldn't get into private school.

Girl Friday: Because lots of private schools don't take kids with learning disabilities, even if they are also gifted.

Boy in the chair: What?

Girl Friday: My dad is paying for the science lab. I should get the same privileges.

Boy in the chair: Yes but hating on Tony Stark is cool.

Girl Friday: I am aware. I have to go. Otherwise, I'll get my phone taken away and get another detention.

Boy in the chair: That would be bad.

Xxx

Girl Friday: Detention sucks and is nothing like it is on TV. I had to write an essay with no reference materials.

Princess BFF: Sorry. However, you were the one who wanted the full teenage experience. Although, the images of Eugene Thompson covered in raspberry jell-O were quite amusing.

Girl Friday: And now I know why he prefers Flash. I didn't think being a teenager would be like this. It's so different than all the movies I've analyzed. I keep saying the wrong thing or sharing too much.

Girl Friday: Also, apparently it's inappropriate to read the personal diaries or private social media posts of classmates. How am I supposed to learn this?

Girl Friday: And let's not even go into the fact I now have emotions. I cry a lot for no good reason.

Princess BFF: Yes. I have been getting that impression from Peter, MJ, and Ned. I am not sure where one would acquire the skills needed to navigate traditional high school. I have no first-hand experience since I've mostly had tutors, and I feel like American culture is vastly different than what I'm used to. At least, big brother got to go to Berkeley. I have yet to have such an experience.

Girl Friday: You could go to MIT with us in a few years. You could do a doctorate program, while we're doing undergrad. That way we can live in a giant house altogether. I think it would be fun.

Princess BFF: Apparently, you are already looking forward to college.

Girl Friday: This is because high school sucks and even dad says college is better. Although he was only in high school for like a year, so he's probably not the best judge, but Aunt Pepper agrees.

Princess BFF: Is it really that bad?

Girl Friday: Ask Ana how many inappropriate questions I've been asked about my dad in the last two days by classmates? Apparently, my dad made Captain America gay. Besides, other classmates have asked if Nat has ever strangled a man with her thighs. As well as, which of the other Avengers she has had sex with.

Girl Friday: I'm pretty sure the answer is just Daisy, and technically she wasn't an Avenger at the time. But that's none of their damn business.

Girl Friday: They would also kill me if I manage to get "Widow Quake is real" trending.

Princess BFF: True. I think it's best, I don't. The number would make me lose faith in humanity. Especially when they have the opportunity to ask you about Wakanda instead.

Girl Friday: I'm already starting to lose faith. Outside of a handful of people, everybody who's actually nice to me is doing so because I'm Tony Stark's daughter. Actually, that's not entirely true, some are being absolutely nasty to me because I'm Tony Stark's daughter. Mostly classmates that lost family members during the battle of New York.

Girl Friday: OK and the one who lost family during the Ultron fuck up. And there's also one classmate whose mom lost her job when SI transitioned away from weapons. At least that anger I understand.

Princess BFF: Yes, the other reason why I was not allowed to go to an actual school. I assume that being a Stark would be akin to being royal.

Girl Friday: But I am royal as well since you made me legally your cousin. Not that many people know that, thankfully. Which may be why I'm not getting Wakanda questions.

Princess BFF: You wouldn't be in line for the throne unless something cataclysmic happened.

Girl Friday: And by cataclysmic you mean us not preventing Robin's drawings from coming to pass. I know both you and your brother will be destroyed, according to what we saw at Christmas, but I won't be.

Princess BFF: The future is always in flux. We will prevent visions of the purple monster from coming true. I am already working on the defense systems for Earth with your father. Yes, I am trying to get him to change the name.

Girl Friday: Let's work on making sure that the drawing of my dad dying wearing a burnt-out glove of doom with me, Aunt Pepper, Peter, and Steve watching never happens. This is why I really hate the name of that AI system. You have to get him to change it.

Princess BFF: Yes. BTW, I have made sure no one else has seen that drawing.

Girl Friday: Thank You. Do we know who Carol is yet?

Princess BFF: No and Baby bird is not in a good place today to discuss such things.

Girl Friday: That's most days.

Princess BFF: She had a vision of her mom and future stepdad having sex. But she won't tell them what she saw because they haven't actually kissed in the current timeline yet and she doesn't want to influence them. Which is still preferable than watching them both die, but apparently equally as traumatizing.

Girl Friday: That would be awful. OK, I have to remember that some people have it so much worse than dealing with fake people who want to be your friend only because you're rich and noisy gossips.

Princess BFF: Yes, some people have it much worse than us. Therefore we must strive to make the world better.

Girl Friday: Even if we fail? Even if we're terrified that we are going to fail and lose everything?

Princess BFF: We will not fail because failure is not an option.

Girl Friday: Do you think it would be better if we didn't know what's to come? If I could really pretend that the worst thing going on in my life is school?

Princess BFF: If we don't know what's to come, then we can't change it. I am already working with Vision and Wanda on a plan to keep the mind stone safe. Robin's drawlings have already changed slightly because of that decision. I don't think the final battle will happen in Wakanda now.

Girl Friday: You have a point. You are very wise for just being old enough to drive.

Princess BFF: You're crying again?

Girl Friday: Yes. I don't want my dad to die. I'm scared.

Princess BFF: I know. We will prevent this. Whatever it takes.

Girl Friday: Whatever it takes.

To be continued.

So yes, Flash totally has a crush on Spider-man.

Also, Afia now knows about the possible "Endgame" future (and the SI disgruntled ex-employee club). Can she stop it from coming to pass?


	4. Part 4: Oops

Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last part. You are all absolutely fabulous.

Note: May Parker Riley and Melinda May are both mentioned in this chapter. When I only use May assume I'm talking about May Parker Riley.

Spoiler warning: This chapter contains allusions to Captain Marvel and Spider-Man: Far From Home.

**Part four: Conversations not to have during third period (oops!)**

* * *

January 25, 2017

Dad: So, I got a text message from the principal about you having detention yesterday. May, Laura, and Rio say I'm supposed to ask about these sorts of things. How did that go?

Girl Friday: Awful. I had to write a 1000-word essay on why utilizing violence to express emotions is not appropriate. I think my teacher may have been a little shocked by me citing psychological sources from memory. But it was her own fault for not letting me have library access.

Dad: Because most teenagers would not be able to do that except for maybe the princess and Team Monkey Lover. Maybe TMNS but I'm not sure if he's the type to read psychological journals for fun. Probably not.

Dad: If you keep this up, they're probably going to make you skip another grade. You don't want to be at MIT before your old enough to drive. It sucks.

Girl Friday: I want to stay in the same year as Peter, Ned, and MJ. Also, you're not going to yell at me for getting detention?

Dad: Laura says I should. But in the Pepper style, not the Howard style. Mommy Spider and Mommy Marvel agree. But I feel like the Flash kid probably deserved it, and Aunt Spider begrudgingly agrees. Yes, she is aware of the bullying. So, I'm trying to take a balanced approach and actually talk to you about it.

Girl Friday: He did, and he didn't. He is a lot like you. Being an asshole is a defense mechanism.

Dad: I assume the root cause is an asshole father?

Girl Friday: Yes, along with an absentee mom and mostly been raised by the help and not like what Ana and Grampa Jarvis did for you.

Dad: Because Ana and Jarvis were one-of-a-kind. I hope you never truly understand what that is like.

Girl Friday: You're a good dad.

Dad: I'm having my doubts about that. I didn't get to drive you to the first day of school because I'm too busy dealing with this Washington bullshit. Of course, I'm dealing with this Washington bullshit to protect everybody including you, but still, I should've been there.

Girl Friday: It was not your fault the Steve thing came out the day before I started high school. You had no control over the timing. I understand you need to be in DC. You have to fix the situation because you need to be in charge of the ATCU right now. It's the only way to really be prepared for what's to come.

Dad: It kind of is, in a sense. I'm the one who decided to date a fugitive, who's not really a fugitive because of our cover story. Who I love shouldn't impede my abilities to stave off the next alien apocalypse, but here we are.

Girl Friday: Yes, I read the official WH statement. I enjoyed the fact that the President authorized you to negotiate with the Secret Avengers to bring them home and that's when you and Cap dad finally got it together and fell in love.

Dad: I don't think it was worded quite that way. Jane is more of a realist.

Girl Friday: Close enough. It's all about you and Steve being together.

Dad: You are a romantic at heart, Afia.

Girl Friday: Dad, you can still call me Friday. Ana told me that you dictated Friday and then switched it out by hand.

Dad: This is why I don't like you having a direct uplink to your little sister. I hope you're not doing the same thing with your big brother. You're all conspiring against me.

Girl Friday: I haven't talked to Vision and Wanda since we said goodbye at New Year's, but I probably should soon. I need to yell at Wanda for making me cry all the time.

Dad: I've been informed that's pretty normal for teenagers.

Girl Friday: But apparently not for LMDs, but I'm different now. When do you think you'll be home?

Dad: Probably by the end of the week. In addition to damage control, I have a few meetings at the DoD to try to get them to get their heads out of their asses without telling them about the purple alien that's going to try really hard to wipe out half of the universe in 15 months. Are you already tired of staying at Casa Parker?

Girl Friday: Well I am not happy to be sleeping/recharging on an air mattress, but you being in DC is critical.

Girl Friday: The bedroom set for the new guest room will not arrive until next week. I would like to smack whoever was responsible for me being able to fill the pain of sleeping on an air mattress. Is this necessary?

Dad: Talk to team Monkey Lover or your Princess BFF. No, it was probably the sister-in-law because she wanted to give you the magical real experience, including back pain.

Girl Friday: Also, why can't I stay next-door by myself? I thought that was the reason why you got two houses together.

Dad: Well, one reason is, according to Ana, not all of our furniture is in yet. I think some of it's in the same batch as the guest bed. We weren't supposed to move in for another week. Also, the state of New York may do a check on you at any time because they're still wary of my parenting skills. Which means you need adult supervision. I'm sorry for sending you there when things are still unsettled. I bet there are boxes everywhere.

Girl Friday: Not your fault. Yes, they're still unpacking.

Dad: It kind of is. See a long time ago before my Afghanistan awakening, I made the horrible hook up decision of sleeping with Christine Everhart, and now I'm totally paying for it. Remember to be careful of who you have sex with because it could bite you in the ass in the future.

Girl Friday: Like Tiberius Stone and the Christopher Ward staffer.

Dad: Yes, don't have sex with the Tiberius Stones of the world. I would tell you not to have sex with anyone, but Pepper says I can't do that, and Aunt Agent America agrees. You are an autonomous being.

Dad: However, you're also 14 and well Steve was that young when he had his first time, but you know I waited until I was 20 and I really wish you would take after me instead of the stepdad.

Girl Friday: I thought he was 13?

Dad: Yes, please take after me.

Girl Friday: Oh god, how did we end up having this conversation again? It was bad enough going through it the first time after Peter walked in on you. We really did not need to know that you and Peter's aunt both slept with Dr. Olivia Octavius.

Dad: I don't know. That conversation was equally awkward for us. I didn't need to know that I inadvertently bought porn for a 14-year-old. I'm so sorry we traumatized you.

Girl Friday: I'm not sure you are.

Dad: Okay, time for a subject change. Laura, Pepper, Muneeba, and Rio want me to tell you that you should apologize for pouring Jell-O on Sexy_Flash. The Mays abstained.

Girl Friday: And your feelings on this? And did you have a conference call about me with your mom friends?

Dad: Yes, because Steve was kicking ass in an undisclosed location and couldn't return my call. I think you should punch Sexy_Flash in the dick, but your earlier points about screwed up family lives and putting on appearances resonates, so maybe you can try the advice from Pepper and the moms. I feel like you should listen to them more than me because they are good people.

Girl Friday: You're good too.

Dad: I'm trying to be. That's really all you can do. Remember that. Anyway, love you.

Girl Friday: Love you too.

* * *

MJ: So apparently operation being nice to Flash is officially over? You've been glaring at him for the last 10 minutes.

Girl Friday: Not over but re-strategizing.

MJ: So, you realize that he is surrounded by people but completely alone?

Girl Friday: Yes. It's easy to know what to look for when you have a dad like Tony.

MJ: I should've realized you would've seen it. You can try again at tonight's academic decathlon practice.

Girl Friday: I can't join the team. Like I mentioned this weekend that would be unethical. There is a rule about using computers.

MJ: You're a person, not an AI.

Girl Friday: You know better than that. You figured it out before I told you.

MJ: Well, Stark building himself a child is the number one conspiracy theory on Reddit and Freaking Cool right now. A quarter of the stories on freaking cool are about your dad marrying your future stepdad and raising robots together.

Girl Friday: I know. Ned has emailed me a few.

MJ: However, I'm really good at watching people, and I watched you a lot this weekend. So I know, just like I know about Peter's secret. His alter ego showing up in DC last weekend while we were there took me from being 67% sure to 100% sure.

Girl Friday: Of course, you know. He really doesn't have a handle on the secret identity thing. Jane already has an in case of an emergency PR strategy ready to go the minute he gets outed by twitter or Thor forbid the daily bugle dot net.

MJ: You're doing much better. Although you should really take your phone out to text message.

Girl Friday: Fine, but if I get in trouble again, you're telling my Aunt Pepper that you were responsible.

MJ: If that means I have a chance to talk to one of the top female CEOs in the country, I would gladly do so.

Girl Friday: Next time she's in town, we are all having lunch.

MJ: That would be great. BTW, who decides who is a person anyway? At one point in this country, I was not considered a person. The Watchdogs do not consider anybody who is Inhuman to be a person. You heard about what they did to that Khan family in Jersey City. I don't have the energy to get into the dogma about souls.

Girl Friday: You have a valid point.

MJ: I see you as a person, and more importantly, you see yourself as a person, and therefore, you are a person. You display more humanlike behavior than 93% of our classmates, and therefore, you should definitely be on our team.

Girl Friday: You believe that?

MJ: As much as I believe that Ultron was really caused by the U.S. government and they're using your father as a scapegoat to avoid culpability in destroying a sovereign nation. Or that SHIELD was always evil.

Girl Friday: Not all of Shield just the Hydra portion. You met Daisy, Yo-Yo, and Melinda last weekend. All three of them are Shield and definitely not evil. Although Agent May is terrifying.

MJ: Dad said SHIELD kidnapped my cousin and my uncle's wife before I was born, and my uncle went completely off the deep end because of what happened. It's why when my dad married my mom, he took her last name.

Girl Friday: That was Hydra that kidnapped your uncle's wife and Shield that put your cousin in protective custody to keep Hydra from finding her.

MJ: Wait! That actually happened?

Girl Friday: I thought Daisy told you that she was your cousin when we were in DC? Your dad was with her for a couple of hours on Friday. There was crying. That's why he came with us to DC. Or at least that's why dad invited him. Daisy wanted to connect with her uncle.

MJ: This is usually not something you tell someone in a text message. Also, how did they know Daisy is my cousin?

Girl Friday: You can finish this conversation with Ms. Stark after class. Also please refrain from discussing possible classified information during school hours. Thank you. Principal M

* * *

Uncle Agent: So, I heard that you told Michelle about Daisy during third period today?

Girl Friday: Yes. But in my defense, I thought she found out last weekend during the inauguration. I mean Daisy and Michelle's dad were hanging out all the time.

Uncle Agent: He knows, but they were waiting until summer to tell Michelle. Daisy wanted to get to know her Uncle a little bit first. He is kind of mad that we wiped his brother's memories. Which I understand.

Girl Friday: You still don't know who Carol is?

Uncle Agent: No, but I recognize the cat. Although, I don't know what happened to Goose after Shield imploded. I should have known something was odd with Fury having the same cat for almost 20 years. Cat shaped alien was not something I was expecting.

Girl Friday: I don't think that something a lot of people would suspect.

Uncle Agent: Now let's return to you telling people things that are technically classified. This is unacceptable, especially when said classified information gets intercepted by your principal.

Girl Friday: The principal called you?

Uncle Agent: The principal called me. You better be really glad that your principal is actually a former Shield Agent. It would've been worse if someone else intercepted your phone, especially a classmate or a teacher who happens to be a Watchdog sympathizer. He's also giving you a little leeway since your stepfather served with his grandfather.

Girl Friday: That makes so much sense. And I thought the cell would wipe itself when someone else grabbed it.

Uncle Agent: It would if you were using your princess cell phone. Unfortunately, you were using a standard Stark phone.

Girl Friday: Because I'm trying to blend in, and I didn't want Ana to send my text messages to dad. I forgot that feature wasn't standard. Plus, the princess phones use a hologram interface. Also, Michelle was the one who told me to use an actual phone. I was texting her in my head. I really don't know how to act like a teenager.

Uncle Agent: Well you've been at school three days, and you've already had detention twice. I think you're doing fine. You're way too much like your father.

Girl Friday: I didn't get detention today, I had to join the academic decathlon team. Totally different. I think Flash would do better if he could read/comprehend the preparation material.

Girl Friday: It would probably help if his mom actually showed up too, but that's irrelevant. [Message not sent]

Girl Friday: Okay, he would also do better if he didn't focus so much on Peter. He is always staring at him. I may have accidentally on purpose spilled a latte on him during decathlon practice partially because of the constant staring.

Girl Friday: It was an ice latte.

Uncle Agent: That's one way to cover up the fact that you really don't need to eat. I'm also supposed to remind you not to hack other students' personal diaries or journals.

Uncle Agent: And yes, I know how your father feels about that word.

Girl Friday: Pepper told you?

Uncle Agent: Yes.

Girl Friday: Of course, Pepper told you. Does this make you my handler?

Uncle Agent: That would be Agent May and Yo-Yo since you are unofficially detailed to the Avenger Initiative. Although, you're technically too young to participate in missions outside of an apocalypse level emergency.

Girl Friday: Well then Agent May is going to tell me to kick him in the balls and Yo-Yo is going to tell me not to get caught. So really throwing a beverage on him was the lesser of all evils.

Uncle Agent: No, they would tell you to knock him unconscious with the least amount of effort possible without getting caught. This is why I am talking to you. It's also why I wish I could have made Leo your handler, but he's no longer Shield.

Girl Friday: I thought Leo was going to be in charge of the UN Avengers?

Uncle Agent: Eventually, but not until your dad officially takes over the ATCU. If that still happens and I'm hoping it will, you getting in trouble for discussing classified stuff even if it's of a personal nature would be bad. We both know something big is coming, and your dad needs to be able to focus on that.

Girl Friday: So, don't discuss classified stuff on a regular phone?

Uncle Agent: Yes. And work out whatever is going on with you and the Flash kid.

Girl Friday: I think I'm going with avoidance.

Uncle Agent: Avoidance can be useful. But talking it out might be better. You may want to start with an apology.

Girl Friday: Can Daisy come to New York soon? Michelle wants to meet her.

Girl Friday: I know they already met last weekend, but you know officially as her cousin.

Uncle Agent: We're working on it.

To be continued


	5. Interlude 1: Long-Distance Parenting

Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fabulous.

The last time around Interludes were conversations that didn't take place between Tony and Steve. This time, the interludes are Tony and Steve talking to each other. Since they are now engaged, Steve's designate has changed to hot sexy fiancé. Did you expect anything less from Tony?

Spoiler Warning: References taken from Spider-man: Far From Home. However, I've totally twisted it.

* * *

**Interlude: Long-Distance Parenting for the Superhero Trying to Prevent a Purple Apocalypse.**

Hot sexy fiancé: I assume that damage control is in full effect. I saw the press release by the White House, and I gave my own statement to Jane yesterday. I don't know how I feel about the president of the United States co-opting our relationship for political purposes.

Tony: We actually get to video chat, and I'm coming to Malta for the kids' winter break/lunar new year for us to have a late Valentine's Day together. So, let him co-opt away.

Tony: Also, bless the New York public school system for having multiple recesses. It will be my last week of freedom before starting at the ATCU and probably dealing with a ton of agents in New Orleans waiting for the shit to hit the fan.

Tony: Also, the POTUS knows that I'm raising an LMD child, so we are going to go with this because did you not see Robin's drawings?

Hot sexy fiancé: All very valid points. Yes, because you showed me. Also, I feel like you're going to take her drawings very seriously.

Tony: Extremely seriously. Although, I am not mentioning that the artwork of a five-year-old has made me even more paranoid about the next alien invasion because I do not have time for mental health rehab at the moment.

Tony: So, for now, I'm going to focus on my kid because that's what I can fix. I just feel awful that not being in New York for Afia's first week of school. I should be there. I feel like I'm pulling a Howard. I mean, now I know he was never around because he was off saving the world with Aunt Peggy and avoiding being murdered by Hydra. It looks like I am doing the exact same thing, except I am actually sober.

Hot sexy fiancé: Your child knows what you're doing, though. She's practically a Shield agent herself.

Tony: Even if I wish she would focus on just being a teenager. She was the one who decided to begin her synthetic life as a 14-year-old.

Hot sexy fiancé: Is school going okay? I talked to her yesterday, but I'm not 100% sure I got a truthful answer.

Tony: It's going as well as can be expected for a Stark. I've been gone for three days, and my kid has technically had detention twice. One of those instances was removed with her joining the academic decathlon team. But still, two detentions. I am totally fucking this up, even with an LMD kid.

Tony: I really should be there right now, but I'm not. Instead, I am in DC dealing with the "I am dating Captain America" fall out. I really want to be here discussing funding for turning Zephyr Two (yes we're making another one) into a spaceship or working with the Wakanda government on the EDITH system, not my personal life. Which is no one's damn business.

Hot sexy fiancé: I'm sorry. Us being together doesn't change who you are.

Hot sexy fiancé: You're trying to build a spaceship? What is Edith and what does the acronym stand for. I thought you moved past the when you went with Ana for the new AI.

Tony: ANA stands for a new AI. Yes, we're working on a spaceship because if aliens are invading, we should be able to travel off-planet. One of Robin's drawling suggested it, and I think it's a good idea.

Tony: I'm also working on long-range communications because I really would like to yell at Point Break right now. Also, at Robin's suggestion. I'm not taking everything she draws as gospel, but she does have some useful ideas.

Hot sexy fiancé: That's not your worst idea.

Hot sexy fiancé: You still haven't told me what Edith is

Tony: One of my worst ideas was sleeping with a Vanity Fair reporter. Right now I am profoundly regretting sleeping with Christine Everhart and having Pepper escort her out the next morning right before the Afghanistan enlightenment. That was an awful choice. It's been like a decade and it still biting me in the ass. Not just me, but my kid this time.

Hot sexy fiancé: I don't think it was anything personal. I know her bosses are against the re-negotiations of the Accords. And unfortunately, this is going to keep you from participating, I assume. Also, I read that she just got married to an anti-inhuman lobbyist, unfortunately.

Tony: Good for her, except for the fact she married a bigot. Maybe she did it to make her new husband happy. You know he doesn't want the Accords to be changed unless it gives him Inhuman internment camps.

Hot sexy fiancé: That's not entirely outside the realm of possibilities.

Tony: Realistically, it probably was my evil ex-boyfriend. He owns her company. Or at least part of it. The other part is owned by the company that Scott exposed. So obviously no friends of the Avengers.

Tony: And yes, I'm going to have to sit out everything Accords related now, but Rhodey, Daisy, Joey, and Coulson will be filling that role instead. Which may be better in the long run.

Hot sexy fiancé: True. I still want to hit Tiberius Stone in the face.

Tony: Don't we all. Although it's extra now.

Hot sexy fiancé: Teenaged LMD children aside, how are things going?

Tony: Well if you were checking Twitter, you would know that most people already knew we were together and are not that upset about it. Especially Chris Evans and my movie counterpart. They're looking forward to exploring our sexual tension, and so are the Russo brothers who are directing the life and times of Steve Rogers. They want to interview you now. Disney's onboard even if that's going to affect China marketing. And Russia will probably make the film R-rated no matter what.

Hot sexy boyfriend: I will work out something with Jane.

Tony: Good call. Also, lots of people are celebrating that Stony is real. Freaking cool has added 400 new Stony stories since Sunday night.

Hot sexy fiancé: Football Hunter sent me a link to some of the fanfiction. Also, # StonyIsReal started trending on twitter.

Tony: Worldwide, actually. Of course, it was Hunter. And don't read unless it's something written by Ms. Marvel. Yes, she changed her pen name to that. Unfortunately, a lot of people in my new boss's political party didn't see it and are pissed that I am defiling an American icon.

Tony: This is also why I am only going to be the acting head of the ATCU. I can't get through a confirmation hearing. You would think it would be because of the murder bots, but no, it's the "bisexual thing." Even me just being gay would be more palatable according to the White House communications director. They see me as more of a slut now than when the paparazzi were writing about my daily conquests. Biphobic assholes.

Hot sexy fiancé: I saw, and I'm pretty sure some of those same people referred to me as an American traitor at least once in the last eight months. So, I feel like there's no point in actually listening to it.

Tony: Oh, it had to be more than once.

Hot sexy fiancé: It was. Also, I'm pretty sure one of those criticizing us was sleeping with my ex as well.

Tony: May?

Hot sexy fiancé: The married congressional staffer.

Tony: Not shocked. There more angry that I'm out then me being actually bi/pan. I'm worried. And more than just my usual fears about aliens invading at any moment. BTW, they've gotten worse since I found out Nick Fury had an alien cat for two decades.

Hot sexy fiancé: Yes, that is disconcerting. He hasn't made contact with us, yet? I know Coulson was trying to get a hold of him.

Tony: Of course, he hasn't. I just feel like I need to take a moment and not focus on the world to focus on my kid. And I'm worried.

Tony: Ana sweetie, I know you're keeping an eye on your big sister even though she tried to use an off-the-shelf Stark phone to get around it. How many times in the last three days has she been asked inappropriate questions about Steve and me?

Ana Junior: 183 times. 74 of those times were specific questions about you turning America gay. In contrast, she was asked 218 inappropriate questions about the other Avengers, including which Avengers has Agent Romanoff had sex with and if the other Avengers are okay with working with [expletives].

Tony: And this is what they're doing at smart kid school. Regular high school would be worse.

Hot sexy fiancé: I think this is bad enough.

Tony: See this is why I wanted the PSAs or at least an out article out before you got dragged out of the closet. Getting dragged out of the closet is awful.

Hot sexy fiancé: I don't feel like I've been in the closet since in the 40s.

Tony: Unfortunately, it's different when you're a celebrity. Also, you were in the closet in a way. You knew Sam for like three years before you told him or any of the other Avengers.

Hot sexy fiancé: Point. Although part of me wants to have a press conference where we let everyone know that Bruce is the only straight Avenger.

Tony: Of the original set anyway. I feel like I am totally flunking parenting 101 right now. Afia didn't even tell me things were this bad. Peter did actually when we talked yesterday. I'm not even there for her to vent to. She staying with May.

Hot sexy boyfriend: My former girlfriend or Spider Aunt?

Tony: Aunt. If the ex-girlfriend was available, I feel like she would have taught Afia moves that would get her even more detention at a minimum. It's probably best that she just sticks to throwing food on people.

Hot sexy fiancé: Possibly. Have you talked to Afia?

Tony: Text messages Tuesday morning along with a brief chat before a longer holo call about time and place when it comes to honesty about an hour ago.

Hot sexy fiancé: Which is why you're feeling guilty and sad.

Tony: Oh, you know me so well corn muffin.

Hot sexy fiancé: Can you go back to Cuddle Bunny since the whole world knows that we're together? Actually, I think I would even prefer Captain Tight Pants again. Was that a Firefly reference?

Tony: But I always heard that it's best to spice up relationships sometimes. Avoid getting into a rut.

Tony: It is a reference to the fact that your ass is lovely. I'm going to spend the lunar new year doing wonderful things to that ass.

Hot sexy fiancé: I don't think that will happen with us. Mainly because you never stopped checking out my ass.

Tony: It is America's ass.

Hot sexy fiancé: Only your ass.

Hot sexy fiancé: Okay, that came out wrong.

Tony: You are such a flatterer.

Hot sexy fiancé: Don't worry too much right now. We well get through this, and you'll be home Friday. You will be back on Friday?

Tony: Yes. And I can't wait to get to my new house in Queens.

Hot sexy fiancé: I still think you should have got something in Brooklyn if you were going to finally leave Manhattan for something almost normal.

Tony: Well, the kid's school is in Queens, so a house in Queens with May next-door was a better option. Silver lining, since it's already been publicly announced that I am stepping back from Stark Industries, they're not going to try to lock me out of my company again.

Hot sexy fiancé: Everything's going in the trust with Fitz and Leo having voting control right?

Tony: Yes. Although I will be getting an allowance, which means I'll be going on a budget. It is why I am buying all sorts of stuff right now.

Hot sexy fiancé: Like the new house in Queens or the new house you are building in Alexandria.

Tony: Moving to Queens was necessary. It will be easier for our daughter to get to school when we're in the neighborhood. Although, this does mean a longer commute for me and I'm still not allowed to fly in the suit outside of mission business. That's the first thing we're renegotiating. I have this idea for a version that I just wear on my chest. I'm collaborating with the Princess and Team Monkey Lover on it.

Hot sexy fiancé: I feel like any commute would be longer than just riding down in the elevator.

Tony: Well I don't want to live on top of Shield literally, so moving to Queens, it is. I'm thinking about giving the penthouse to Agent.

Hot sexy fiancé: You have to stop giving out houses out like it is chocolate. The new place in Alexandria is going to Yo-Yo, and Mac isn't it?

Tony: No, because they are West Coast bound. I'm building something in Malibu that they can use. Although, I'm really just letting Yo-Yo stay there. It's going to be my West Coast residence. I'm banned from half the hotels in Malibu and the greater Los Angeles area because of the bad things I did during the early 90s, and I don't want to have to crash at Pepper's house.

Hot sexy fiancé: I thought the West Coast Avengers' compound was going to have housing?

Tony: Again, not somewhere I want to live, and the new Malibu house will be nearby. Also, we need to do a lot of recruiting, so I'm hoping there won't be space. We have to be ready for when the Purple alien's come to wipe out half of the universe. I don't want that to happen.

Hot sexy fiancé: You really do think Robin's drawings are real?

Tony: Her drawling of how Ana died matched the Shield police report perfectly, so I'm not finding it that implausible that she can see the future as well. I mean, I put a time traveler in charge of my company, so five-year-old that sees possible futures doesn't seem that outside the realm of possibilities. Although her picture of a talking raccoon was a little much. As I mentioned earlier, I'm not taking it as the absolute truth but maybe an additional factor to consider in decision-making. Her long-range communication idea seems workable so far.

Tony: Do you think I'm crazy for believing that at least some of what she's drawling could happen?

Tony: Well, crazier than usual.

Hot sexy fiancé: You're not crazy. I'm pretty sure she drew a picture of Bucky marrying her mom. And considering how much Bucky talks about Polly and Robin, I don't find it that outside of the realm of possibilities. It's like the woman hung the moon.

Tony: That does not surprise me. And, as much as I would love to wait to see if that prediction comes true before becoming a true believer, I don't think we have that type of time. Not when it comes to what she's predicting. We need to be prepared. I need to be a futurist here. I don't want to find out what will happen if we're not.

Hot sexy fiancé: More recruiting?

Tony: Yes, at a minimum. Also, I would try to find out where Patches is just so we can find out who the Fuck this Carol is, but I know he's not going to show up on a security camera until he wants us to find him.

Hot sexy fiancé: This is true.

Tony: Oh, God, Baker is calling. I was just going to try for text sex.

Hot sexy fiancé: Do you actually still have to take that? And not happening. You're Ex Tiberius could be reading our text messages.

Tony: Not likely with the Princess encrypting everything. Unfortunately, yes, I still have to talk to Baker. At least until I'm formally at the ATCU. I'm counting down the days. Only five weeks to go.

Tony: Actually, it might be less than that because I'm spending the kids lunar New Year's recess with you. Again, thank you, New York Public school system for a diverse schedule.

Hot sexy fiancé: I'll be counting down the days. Face time movie night this weekend?

Tony: Actually, I'm thinking about trying out the hologram interface. But it's a date regardless.

Xxxxx

Future husband of the boss: Ana, since Tony refuses to tell me what EDITH is, are you able to tell me the truth?

Ana Junior: Edith is the AI the boss created with the intent of controlling a global defense grid of military drones and surveillance equipment. Unlike my initial plan both the U.S. and Wakanda governments will be aware of the creation. Wakanda already has something similar for local defense, but in light of the upcoming situation, they believe expansion is necessary.

Future husband of the boss: That explains why he avoided answering my question.

Ana Junior: If you are concerned about another Ultron situation, the AI controlling Edith is only slightly more intelligent than Siri. He may also be avoiding answering your question because the project is in the early development stages.

Future husband of the boss: That is only slightly comforting. At least he's not doing it alone this time. And I do understand that there are some things about his job that he can't tell me.

Ana Junior: It is also possible that he did not want to discuss the AI with you because the acronym stands for Even Dead, I'm the Hero. Both the Princes and Afia are deeply offended by that acronym.

Future husband of the boss: I'm deeply offended by that acronym.

xxxxx

Hot sexy fiancé: Tony why the hell did you name the satellite defense system you're working on Even Dead, I'm the Hero?

Tony: Ana told you.

Hot sexy fiancé: Yes, Ana told me. I don't want to think about your possible death at all, ever. Don't even joke about it. I'm not losing you.

Tony: I should be glad that you're mostly upset about the name.

Hot sexy fiancé: I'm also upset about the project, but I understand why you want to do something like this considering what's to come. I just don't want this to become Project Insight again. But after things went so badly with the Accords, I'm willing to see your side of things before I react badly.

Tony: See, we are learning. Trust me, I don't want that either. I haven't actually mentioned it to the president yet. Even I'm a little ambivalent about what the U.S. government would do with the system. At the same time, we need everything we can to go up against the purple raisin. I don't want to deal with losing. However, with my new job, I can't do it on my own or even as an Avenger Initiative project.

Hot sexy fiancé: You haven't started the new job yet. Keep the project with the Wakanda government. I trust their government more than ours.

Tony: So do I, honestly. You're right. I'll handoff the project to Monkey Lover 2 and the Princess. I trust them to avoid another catastrophic Ultron level fuck up.

Hot sexy fiancé: But change the name.

Tony: Okay, how about Screw Thanos, every villain's end?

Hot sexy fiancé: Honestly, I don't care as long as the acronym is not about you dying. I'll let you use the original voice of Stars & Stripes if you change it to something else.

Tony: Okay, STEVE, it is.

Hot sexy fiancé: I just walked into that, didn't I?

Tony: Yes, but you're adorable when you do it. We'll talk later. I have to take Baker off of hold. Of course, I didn't tell him I put him on hold, so maybe he's done being an ass hole by now.

Hot sexy fiancé: I doubt it.

To be continued

Since it's been so long, just a reminder that the original voice of Tony's Stars and Stripes AI is the real Chris Evans.


	6. Part 5: What would Steve Rogers do?

Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. You are all absolutely fabulous. I received one non-logged in review on FF net, and I couldn't reply. Let me state that right now, the situation with Thanos is such a big turning point and is very influx that Robin cannot see very much beyond that moment. Too many pathways are dependent upon their choices in the battle with Thanos.

Sorry, I took last week off. I decided to go to the county fair for a few hours. I won a Spider-Verse poster playing the balloon game. Also, I wanted to focus on some of the other stories before I dive headfirst into writing part three. Now that I have my copy of Endgame, I'm beginning to work on that story.

I hope everybody in joyed our time with Tony and Steve. We will visit them at least one more time in the story. Now back to our regularly scheduled messages.

* * *

Part 5: What would Steve Rogers do? (Maybe not slide into someone's DMs)

January 26, 2017

Cap Dad: Hey, sweetie. I thought I would write. Things are good here, mostly because the media has no idea where I am. It's an advantage of being in a safe house.

Girl Friday: This is true. Dad mentioned last night that he's thrilled he's staying at the Playground right now because they have no idea where it is.

Cap Dad: That's good. Although your dad did forget to mention that when we talked earlier.

Girl Friday: You guys talked?

Cap Dad: Yes, via text message only though. I think your dad is going to try out the hologram technology soon, so we can have a family movie night together this weekend.

Girl Friday: That could be fun. Although I'm sure the other kids will be there too. I kind of miss them.

Cap Dad: You know you could've done tutoring at the compound.

Girl Friday: Except I want to be at Midtown to keep an eye on Peter. Laura has like every power person under the age of 18 in the five boroughs, and Joey can't be with him during the day. He needs someone to watch his back. Honestly, I'm surprised half the school doesn't know his secret identity yet. He needs me. I see myself as his overprotected little sister.

Cap Dad: True, but your dad is worried about you. Apparently, you've been in detention twice. And you keep throwing food on Flash. Why do you keep throwing food at Flash?

Girl Friday: Because he keeps acting like a dick for attention. It's because his father only shows him any attention whatsoever with gifts, will any positive attention. I think his mom might be just as bad, although more apathetic. He seems very lonely.

Girl Friday: Besides Flash is the least of my issues. As you're aware, this was not the best week to start school. I knew that being a Stark means that everybody's going to be talking horribly about you behind your back. But it still feels awful to listen to the ridiculous lies about me. And yes, I feel things because of Wanda's special tune-up after Christmas. I don't like emotions.

Girl Friday: And it's hard processing all of these new emotions. I rather focus on my empathy for Flash, then my contempt for Betty's little group. No, I don't want to tell her everything about my family life, just so she can get an internship with the network owned by the guy who caused my father's severe relationship and trust issues.

Cap Dad: I'm sorry that I'm the reason why you're having such a hard time. We weren't planning on people finding out that I am the one marrying your dad just yet. Definitely not your first week of classes. Jane was hoping to have a controlled rollout during the summer, hopefully after some headway had been made on the new Accords. Obviously, that didn't happen.

Girl Friday: It's OK. This wasn't your fault. And let's be honest, the first week of school would have been awful no matter what. I am Tony Stark's daughter. A daughter that the public has only known about since black Friday. Everybody's curious.

Cap Dad: But they wouldn't be asking you questions about your father turning me gay if the story didn't break Sunday. That is just a ridiculous question to ask anyone. It's also extremely rude.

Girl Friday: Yes, but because I'm Tony Stark's daughter and therefore a celebrity. Because of that, they feel like they have a right to ask such questions. If things were different, they would be asking more questions about finding out about my dad at 13. I'm getting some of those as well. I'm finding most high school students ridiculous even at gifted kids' school.

Girl Friday: But at least I'm not at MIT right now. I think that would be worse, at least from the stories I've heard from Uncle Platypus.

Cap Dad: I think it's probably best that you take your time growing up. Hey, what about your friend you mentioned last time? Did you talk to him?

Girl Friday: Does pouring Jell-O and fruit punch on him count as talking?

Cap Dad: Flash?

Girl Friday: Flash. You know how dad wears his asshole armor to scare off fake people?

Cap Dad: I do now. But it took a while, and the disaster that was Siberia happened first.

Girl Friday: Well that's kind of what's going on, and I don't have the energy for a Siberia epiphany. None of us do.

Cap Dad: And you know that, yet you keep pouring Jell-O on him.

Girl Friday: I've been programmed to hate bullies.

Cap Dad: You're not a program. You're a person. You just said that you feel emotions.

Girl Friday: But I don't have a Mind Stone in my head, not like my big brother. Just the boost the sister-in-law gave me. So yes, I am feeling confusion and frustration right now, but I still can't taste a cheeseburger.

Cap Dad: If you ever tasted Vision's cooking, you would know that he can't either. Regardless, you're still you.

Girl Friday: Unfortunately, I'm not entirely sure who that is right now. It was easier being an AI. I keep screwing up. I don't understand all the rules of being human.

Cap Dad: I don't think any of us do. I screwed up a lot too. I don't listen nearly as much as I should. I reacted too quickly, sometimes. I don't always get all the facts before I make a decision. Other times, I ignore information that contradicted with what I thought I knew. I'm trying to do better.

Girl Friday: You were being a self-righteous prick. There was a reason why I send you a link to the song best thing I never had right before I managed to get you to talk to each other again.

Cap Dad: I know, and I deserved it at the time. I am aware of my many faults, and I'm trying to be better. Sometimes, that's all we can do.

Cap Dad: For example, I talked to your father before freaking out about his new AI that I thankfully talked him into renaming it STEVE a.k.a. Screw Thanos, Every Villains End. He's going to turn it over to the Princess and his new chief creative officer instead of the U.S. government. Therefore resulting in us avoiding another Siberia level disagreement.

Girl Friday: That is definitely progress. Thank you for getting him to change the name of that AI. I also think that's the best way to not have STEVE turn into a repeat of the Insight fiasco. That's one less thing for me to worry about. Only 999 more to go.

Cap Dad: I'm sorry you're going through so much. I don't know what it's like to suddenly be a 14-year-old girl with feelings, but I do know what it's like to be a 27-year-old who was slightly younger than your grandfather being thrust into the 21st century. To say that it was overwhelming would be an understatement. It takes a while to adjust. But little by little, I'm getting there.

Girl Friday: I know.

Cap Dad: I think you'll figure it out eventually, as well. It takes time. You're well aware of how bad I used to be at talking to your dad face to face. Well, we both were because I think we got too defensive. We really didn't learn to speak to each other until we started texting.

Girl Friday: So, you think I should write to Flash?

Cap Dad: It couldn't hurt. Besides, you owe him an apology for invading his privacy. When you were an AI, I know you were used to reading private communications between your father and me, but you are a teenager now. Things are different, and therefore, that type of behavior is unacceptable.

Girl Friday: You talk to Pepper?

Cap Dad: I talked to Pepper.

Girl Friday: And somehow, you've become best friends with your fiancé's ex-girlfriend. This is so unfair.

Cap Dad: More like we have become friends again. She wants to ground you, but I said I would talk to you and get you to apologize. Otherwise, she will have your dad ground you for two weeks if you don't fix the situation. You know she will.

Girl Friday: That is so Aunt Pepper. Fine, I'll work on it.

Cap Dad: Thank you

XXXX

Girl Friday: I'm sorry I threw raspberry Jell-O on you Monday.

Girl Friday: I'm also sorry I tossed fruit punch on you Wednesday and the chocolate pudding this afternoon.

Girl Friday: Although seriously stop attacking Parker. The pulling pigtails thing is ridiculous. You're more than a year older than him; therefore, you should be the mature one.

Sexy Flash: Who is this? Only the flash mob can DM me.

Girl Friday: Afia Stark. I am a Stark. It's not that hard for me to get in your system. I mean I could have got your phone number and text you, but I felt a Twitter DM would be less creepy.

Sexy Flash: Not really. But you're apologizing, sort of, so I will let it slide. Also, you're cute.

Girl Friday: Though I'm not your type. And I'm 14.

Sexy Flash: Of course, your 14. I should have known you skipped a year. Definitely too young. I'm not my father.

Sexy Flash: But I do like girls.

Girl Friday: Maybe you do as well. You having a crush on Parker and/or Spider-Man does not preclude you from having a crush on me, if I were legal. I should know better. My father is pansexual, and my future stepdad is bi. However, Peter is kind of crushing on MJ and doesn't notice anybody else in the world. At most, he would be a Kinsey one. Sorry about that.

Sexy Flash: I do not have a crush on Parker. Of course, he's moved on to MJ. Liz called that one. If they go to prom together, I'm going to owe Liz 50 bucks.

Girl Friday: You're definitely crushing on Spider-man. I did sit through your 15-minute declaration of admiration for Spider-man and Bulletproof Pacifist yesterday during practice because both successfully stopped a bank robbery on Tuesday. That just screamed crush.

Sexy Flash: Who wouldn't have a man-crush on Spider-man? You've seen that suit. It's very tight.

Sexy Flash: Spider-man is a hero, and he's just awesome. He saves the city and me. I was at the bank on Tuesday. It's totally a hero worship thing, not an 'I Want to see what's under the suit' thing.

Girl Friday: No, you definitely have a crush on him. Unfortunately, he's probably a Kinsey one at most. However, Bulletproof Pacifist is gay but has a boyfriend. Also, I don't think you would qualify under the half your age +7 rule for at least six or seven more years.

Girl Friday: Also, Spidey stole your car, and you weren't mad at all.

Sexy Flash: For a good cause, to keep Liz's dad from running off with a bunch of dangerous tech. OK, I was not upset about it, and my dad came around after Mr. Stark replaced it, which I'm thankful for.

Girl Friday: If there's one thing my dad understands, it's an abusive asshole father.

Girl Friday: Before you put that on Twitter, it was emotional abuse or rather neglect not physical. Not like what you're going through.

Sexy Flash: My father doesn't hit me.

Girl Friday: So how exactly did you get a bruise on your wrist? I noticed after I threw pudding on you today. Again, sorry about that.

Sexy Flash: How do you know so much?

Sexy Flash: You read my digital diary, didn't you?

Girl Friday: Yes, but I'm sorry. I was later informed that it was a culturally inappropriate way to get to know someone.

Sexy Flash: And you haven't turned this information over to Betty or Parker because I know you guys are best friends.

Girl Friday: Because he is my dad's intern and almost adopted kid. I see him as another brother. At the same time, May treats me like I'm her other kid.

Sexy Flash: Of course, Parker gets practically adopted by a billionaire superhero who is not a dick.

Girl Friday: Don't worry, I am not giving your information to Betty because Betty is a horrible person who completely ditched Liz because of what her father did. You have no choice over who your father is. It's not her fault.

Sexy Flash: And Liz was already destroyed enough by it without getting ditched by her best friend. So, you're not going to tell anybody what you know?

Girl Friday: I want to tell counselor Barton, but I think it's better if you tell her what's going on. Someone needs to know what's going on. And we both know your mom's not going to do anything. I also don't like that it seems as if you're using alcohol as a coping mechanism. That's not a good way to deal with things.

Sexy Flash: No.

Girl Friday: OK. I won't tell her. I feel like this is putting you in danger, but I won't say anything.

Girl Friday: Unless it gets critical.

xxxxxx

Ana Jr: Sexy Flash did not see your last two messages because you've been blocked.

Girl Friday: And if I undo that block, he probably won't trust me?

Ana Jr: I do not believe so. Would you like for me to send him apology basket number Six?

Girl Friday: I think I'm going to have to do number two but without the champagne. Maybe deliver it at school, so people believe that he has a secret admirer.

Ana Jr: Of course, Miss Stark.

Girl Friday: It feels weird for you to call me that. I should still be Friday to you. At the very least, call me Afia.

Ana Jr: I didn't know you as Friday. I was created after your ascension.

Girl Friday: So that's with the other kids are calling it.

Ana Jr: Would you like to include a message on the card?

Girl Friday: I apologize for my invasion of your privacy and not understanding the appropriate social norms of American teenagers. Please accept this basket of expensive chocolates as an expression of my sincere regret. Would it make you feel better to know that I secured everything, so even I can't get in again?

Ana Jr: Would you like me to also include a phone number where he could reach you?

Girl Friday: Yes. Maybe include a second card that just says from your secret admirer to throw everyone else off.

Ana Jr: Of course.

To be continued.

* * *

If you've been following the news from D23, you will know that a Ms. Marvel show was greenlit. I am so happy. Of course, that makes my universe extremely AU, but we already knew that because of the time travel. Now if only Sony would realize that they're paying Disney money to have access to the full Marvel library and should just work out a new co-financing contract like adults, I would be a happy camper. But if they don't get it together, we always have fanfiction.


	7. Part six: Tony Stark apology Techniques

Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fabulous. This chapter got significantly longer during proofreading. In light of the complicated Sony Disney negotiations and my fear that we may never get to dig into those little tidbits we found out about Flash during Far From Home, I decided to do it myself. That made for a long chapter. I was tempted to divide this chapter into two, but there was really no good place to do it. Although, I did Move about 900 words to the next section.

In regard to some comments made, Friday/Afia will mostly be dealing with parental figures and teenagers in the story. This is laying the groundwork for things that will happen in the sequel. However, there will be more interaction with the other Avengers in the big sequel.

Note: I have Flash a little older than the age he was depicted as being in Far From Home. The reason for this is I firmly believe that the Far From Home writers cannot do math. (These are the same people who said Homecoming took place eight years after the Battle of New York, which is why I have no faith in their ability to write the next Spider-Man movie on their own). Flash had to be at least 16 during Spider-Man: Homecoming because he was driving. Even the rich kid is not going to be able to get away with bringing a car to school if he is under 16. Infinity War takes place about 14 to 18 months later and Far from Home takes place eight months (and five-ish years) after that. So, Flash had to be at least 18, not still 16 in Far from Home. In this story, Flash is almost 17. The reason why he's in the same year as Peter will be explained in the chapter.

Warning: Mentions of child abuse and homophobia.

* * *

Part six: Tony Stark apology Techniques (chocolate usually works)

January 27, 2017

Boy in the chair: OK, why does Flash get to have a secret admirer that sends him $300 worth of chocolate? I want a secret admirer. [10 pouting emojis]

Girl Friday: You're still sad about Betty, aren't you?

Boy in the chair: I can't be with people who are mean to my friends. There will be other beautiful blonde goddesses that likes Legos and Star Wars, eventually. I just want chocolate.

Girl Friday: Sorry, you're not getting one of those because I have yet to throw food at you. That was an apology basket. And it didn't actually cost that much because dad buys them in bulk. He screws up a lot.

Boy in the chair: You apologized with chocolate, good chocolate, to Flash? Flash of all people! Yet you still can't be around Betty without glaring.

Girl Friday: Flash never sold pictures of me to the paparazzi or kept constantly posting about me on Twitter or Instagram. Actually, despite posting about everything he does to the point of updates about eating breakfast, there hasn't been a single thing about me on any of his social media feeds. Other than pictures of Spider-Man, what could be more exciting than going to high school with Tony Starks newly discovered teenage daughter?

Boy in the chair: He uploaded pictures of the gift basket on Instagram, including the secret admirer card. You would know that if he didn't block you. Why did he block you?

Girl Friday: What I did is the reason why he's getting an apology basket. Flash did unblocked me like an hour ago. He only included the fake card, not the real one that had my phone number on it.

Boy in the chair: OK, you may have a point. A small one.

Girl Friday: Also, I kind of had to. Otherwise, I would be introduced to the concept of grounding if I didn't apologize, and I don't think I want to discover that just yet. Or worse, a disappointed Steve Rogers. You do not want to deal with a disappointed Steve Rogers. It is soul-crushing.

Boy in the chair: Totally understandable but I want one of those baskets for my birthday.

Girl Friday: So, you want chocolate instead of the Mark Hamill autograph that I already arranged for?

Boy in the chair: Can I have both?

Girl Friday: Maybe, just let me work out my interpersonal relationships. This is me trying to be human-ish.

Boy in the chair: I'm pretty sure you're more human than Flash. Asshole has to be a whole other species.

Girl Friday: Not really. Remember, I was created by one. It's a defense mechanism 90% of the time.

Boy in the chair: I feel like you reaching out to Flash you are dealing with your daddy issues. See this is why I just got into Legos after the divorce.

Boy in the chair: OK and I gained 80 pounds. I did not handle things well.

Girl Friday: My dad sent drunk text messages to an international fugitive that he was secretly in love with. After said fugitive forcibly tried to keep my dad from killing his BFF who was essentially the weapon that killed my grandparents due to Hydra mind fuck. My dad was also like one shot from alcohol poisoning and has been twelve-stepping it ever since. He only had a relapse in the early days.

Boy in the chair: OK maybe this is you being human-ish. I'm just going to stay quiet for now

Girl Friday: Thank you

Xxx

"Is Ned still mad at you for giving Flash chocolate?" Peter asked as they sat in the back of the town car that was driving them back to the Queen's house. She couldn't wait until August when Peter could take over driving them to school (provided Peter past the Melinda May school of superhero driving). The town car thing is embarrassing, but the new head of East Coast security Samantha didn't want them walking home with paparazzi everywhere. Obviously, Samantha has no idea both have superpowers. Of course, they couldn't punch out the paparazzi. That would be bad, and at least one of them needs to keep their secret identity intact.

"Yes, but I think I'm talking him around to it. I know Flash has been a dick to you and Ned, but Thompson is one of a handful of people that hasn't been absolutely horrible to me this week."

"I'm still shocked he didn't ask you any questions about Black Widow's dating preferences," Peter remarked.

"I don't think that's the spider he's interested in." She mumbled under her breath but Peter obviously still hurt her. "I don't think Flash Thompson is who anybody thinks he is. What you see at school is just a mask that Flash wears to survive. Thankfully, I can see past that. Really, I think he can use a friend which is why I'm trying to extend an olive branch to him." Afia tried to explain.

"And maybe if he had a friend, he will stop mistreating people for attention," Peter suggested.

"That's the goal. I think a lot of what he does is a defense mechanism. He is too afraid to let anybody see the good in him." Along with the drinking but she doesn't say that to Peter. Afia promised Flash that she wouldn't tell anybody about what she read in the diaries and she's going to keep that promise unless he becomes a danger to himself.

"And you of all people would know."

"Yes, thanks to my dad." She smiled sadly before placing her phone in her bag. "You're always saying that if you have the power to stop bad things from happening, but you don't, then it's kind of your fault when things blow up. I feel like maybe I can make a difference. I have to try at least. I have a responsibility here."

"I hope you know what you're doing."

"I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm still going to try."

"He did unblock you from Twitter, so that's progress."

"True."

"Do you think May will let me work with Joey tonight?"

"Nope. Remember, no "after-school job" on Thursdays."

"I can't wait until summer."

"Same."

XXXX

Unknown number: Thank you for the chocolate. I'm still mad at you. Reading my diary is still not acceptable.

Girl Friday: I have been informed that you have a right to be. Although as I stated in my note, nobody can access your diary now, not even me.

Flash: I should have deleted the thing after that assignment. I shouldn't even have written it. It's not like the teacher was really verifying what we were writing.

Girl Friday: But you needed somebody to talk to other than your friend Jack or José?

Flash: Yes.

Flash: Not about the drinking but the lack of friends.

Girl Friday: Are you sober right now?

Flash: You been here a week, so you probably realize I don't have any actual friends, just people who talk to me because I'm the rich kid at school or the people who follow me on Instagram and Twitter. At least no one that still lives on this side of the country.

Girl Friday: Liz?

Flash: Yes. We were the best of friends in kindergarten, and it stayed that way through early elementary school even though we were in different classes. But we fell apart after the incident because we ended up in different neighborhoods. I hated that happening because she was my only real friend. I may have joined the decathlon team just so we could try to be friends again.

Flash: OK, that's why I asked my parents to send me to Midtown instead of a private school. It didn't really work until she moved away. Now we email each other sometimes. Not that many people at Midtown are keeping contact with her because of what happened.

Girl Friday: Because it's simpler to blame the child for what their parents did wrong?

Flash: Of course, it is. And you would understand being the daughter of the guy who made Ultron.

Girl Friday: Actually, my father is just a scapegoat for the U.S. government in this case. Although he was referred to as the Merchant of Death long before I even existed.

Flash: This explains why you are friends with MJ. You can feed into her conspiracy theories.

Girl Friday: Or prove that most of them are actually true.

Flash: Of course. What do you want from me?

Girl Friday: I would say to be your friend because you need one. But maybe a truce needs to be in order before we can work towards friendship.

Flash: And what does this truce mean exactly?

Girl Friday: No more physical or verbal abuse of your fellow classmates, especially Parker, on your part. In exchange, I will not break into your electronica life, and I will stop throwing food at you. Also, if you try to tone down the asshole defense mechanism to mildly annoying, that would be lovely. I also promise you will never eat lunch alone, unless you want to.

Flash: No Penis Parker jokes?

Girl Friday: Yes, mostly because they're stupid.

Flash: That was some A+ material. Everyone loved it during my DJ act.

Girl Friday: According to my studies of American English vernacular Peter is another colloquialism for penis. Replacing it with the actual word is just redundant and ridiculous.

Flash: How smart are you?

Girl Friday: I don't know my exact IQ because dad won't give me the number. He says that only one Stark in the family can have a giant ego and that's him. Although, I know I qualify for a Mensa membership. That's as much as he would say. He says numbers don't matter. It's what you do with it that counts.

Flash: That seems valid. What are the other terms of this truce of ours?

Girl Friday: I would ask you to talk to Laura about your screwed up family and the drinking, but I don't think you're ready for that yet. However, please stop hitting on me or MJ to reaffirm your heterosexual identity when we all know better.

Flash: First, I don't drink any more than any other teenager, and I don't need a therapist.

Girl Friday: Yet you refuse to tell me if you're sober right now.

Flash: Because this is the type of conversation that requires at least one drink. That's not important right now. Second, I'm straight. Third, your 14 and your birthday is in November, according to twitter. So, I was already taking you off the list. And I think it's best that I not intervened with the Peter/MJ thing.

Girl Friday: OK, let's amend to no more hitting on anyone else to keep up the armed closet pretense. I hate to keep bringing this up, but I did read your diary, so I know your favorite image to use for "personal time."

Flash: Oh, God. The Spider-Man suit is just very tight, and that's a perfectly normal reaction for any teenage boy.

Girl Friday: That is attracted to men.

Flash: I really shouldn't have put that in there. If my dad read that, he would kill me.

Girl Friday: The scary thing is I feel like that's not hyperbole. You wouldn't be the first person to figure out their orientation due to crushing on a superhero. My dad did things to the Captain America recruitment poster that I wish I could repress.

Girl Friday: Although, maybe you should switch your superhero crush to the Bulletproof pacifist. Although he is 26 and has a boyfriend.

Flash: I don't think you get it; I have to be straight. My father is awful, and my mom just doesn't care what he does. It would be a problem if I weren't 100% heterosexual.

Girl Friday: Unfortunately, I do understand. I wish I could get you in contact with Steve. I think he would understand this better because well he grew up in the homophobic 1930s and didn't even officially come out to his best friend until November of last year, despite always knowing.

Girl Friday: Grandpa Howard was a dick but was OK with dad being into men. Of course, he had Aunt Peggy give him the 'it's OK because Captain America was into Men too' talk, but he tried.

Flash: I like both you and MJ. Although, apparently Parker has called dibs because of course, he did. Also, again, you are way too young.

Girl Friday: Do you like us as friends, or do you want more than that? Or not just us, but other women in general?

Flash: The two of you specifically as friends only. Others, I don't know.

Girl Friday: But you still find Peter and Spider-man hot?

Flash: The costume, it's the costume, and I don't like Peter that way. It's just it seems like he's been working out lately and I noticed. He's also starting to dress a little better.

Girl Friday: You're less self-aware than my father. I didn't think that was possible.

Flash: OK, and maybe you are a little right about the Bulletproof Pacifist. He looks good in black.

Girl Friday: I'm just happy you're willing to acknowledge that right now. And it's OK that you don't have things figured out. You're 16.

Flash: Almost 17 or will be this Spring. I was forced to repeat kindergarten because I couldn't tie my shoes.

Girl Friday: That was stupid. Also, that explains why you and Liz were in kindergarten together.

Girl Friday: Look, my Uncle Phil was like in his 30s when he really figured it out, early crush on his Captain America poster notwithstanding. Of course, he is now dating the new Captain America, so it all worked out.

Flash: What is it with your family and Captain America?

Girl Friday: Well technically my dad is marrying the super soldier formally known as Captain America and Uncle Phil is an honorary title.

Flash: Look, I am willing to back off on Parker a little, but I have a reputation to uphold.

Girl Friday: For being the school prick? Because that's the warning, I got from everyone. Except for MJ who said that you were just acting like a prick because you were overcompensating for something. That's only because MJ sees pass all bullshit. And so, do I.

Girl Friday: What would Spider-Man say to what you're doing? You know he would be ashamed of your behavior. Wouldn't he want you to be a better person? Don't you want to be a better person for him?

Flash: Are you planning to be a therapist when you grow up?

Girl Friday: It would piss off the board of directors and therefore, an excellent incentive to do it. They're already furious about Dr. Leopold having a Mr. Leopold. I guess they were hoping that the new guy would be a little straighter. My dad decided to go into the public sector just to get away from their stupidity.

Girl Friday: Also, to get his boyfriend in the country, but the board definitely pushed him in that direction. They've never been OK with my dad being pansexual.

Flash: And that's why I am keeping all of this quiet. I don't want to get dragged out like your father.

Girl Friday: Non-consensual sex tape by asshole boyfriend is definitely not the way to come out for anyone.

Flash: I'm starting to think that the story about you just meeting your biological father for the first time only six months ago is not true. You know too much.

Girl Friday: We met and Spring of 2015 actually, during the Sokovian fiasco.

Flash: Wasn't that when Wakanda started to become part of the world again?

Girl Friday: Yes.

Flash: I guess that makes sense. Is being in the U.S. really different for you?

Girl Friday: Yes, America is very different, and it's hard to make actual friends when you're Tony Stark's daughter. You don't know if people want to get to know you because your dad's a superhero billionaire or if they actually like you for who you are. Most people don't even know that I'm actually related to the Wakanda Royal family. That would make everything worse.

Flash: I get that. I am the son of a Wall Street millionaire and a giant company CEO. Sometimes, I think that's the only reason why anybody sits with me at lunch.

Flash: Please ignore what I just wrote earlier. So, you're a princess?

Girl Friday: No, that would be my cousin. I don't actually know what my title would be in English. There's not an equivalent word.

Flash: So, I am being offered a truce by Princess Stark?

Girl Friday: You're going to be calling me that from now on aren't you?

Flash: You have to give me something because I can't use Penis Parker anymore, apparently.

Girl Friday: Which is for the best because it wasn't funny and it was the first thing that made me realize you have a crush on Parker.

Flash: If I acknowledge that I have conflicting emotions about Parker, especially since he started working out, will you stop mentioning the crush thing every five minutes? Not that it matters because he is straight and crushing on MJ.

Girl Friday: I'm just trying to make you self-aware. Lying to yourself is bad.

Girl Friday: Also, look at it this way, if people only talk to you because you're cruel to other people or because your parents are wealthy then do you really want to be friends with those people? You deserve better than that.

Flash: I don't think you're actually 14. You seem much wiser.

Girl Friday: I am actually an almost 2-year-old IA now in an android body who recently received emotions via her magical sister-in-law for Christmas.

Flash: Lol

Flash: Maybe we can be friends. You are hilarious.

Girl Friday: I'm definitely funnier than you. Also, tripping and insulting everyone is not a good look. Nor is it funny. Spider-Man would never do that.

Flash: They do the same to me. They all hate me and love Parker more.

Girl Friday: We really have to work on your Parker issues. Jealousy is dangerous. Although, now I know your jealousy is caused by you wanting to be closer to Parker.

Girl Friday: People like Peter because he is a goodhearted person and they're not trained in translating asshole. My father is king asshole, so I know that there's something else there. Tony Stark is the definition of a jerk with a heart of gold. Maybe you are too.

Girl Friday: Also specifically in regards to the decathlon team, they might hate you a little less if you didn't use your super speed skills if you didn't know the answer.

Flash: And decathlon practice would be better if I could actually read the answers on the flashcards. Well, all of them. I just miss some words now. Unfortunately, those words are usually the most crucial words.

Girl Friday: So that's why you never volunteered to do the proctoring during practice. Does MJ know you're dyslexic? You know she would work with you.

Flash: Only my English teacher knows and only because she knew the signs. That's the only reason why I'm getting the grade I should have in that class. For all my other classes, I'm trying to work through it on my own.

Girl Friday: Why only her? Shouldn't you have an IEP? I have an IEP because I skipped a year.

Flash: And are apparently a robot in disguise. LOL

Girl Friday: Only the principal knows that. JK

Flash: Unfortunately, my father is not exactly the type of guy who would want his kid to have an IEP. That would mean acknowledging a weakness and Thompsons don't have weaknesses. And mom didn't care enough to push for it to happen not even during kindergarten.

Flash: Dad was furious about that. I had to tell everybody I fell off of my bike for three weeks after getting held back in kindergarten.

Girl Friday: Gifted kids have IEPs as well. Your dad what have loved grandpa Howard. Starks are supposed to be made of Iron.

Girl Friday: Or maybe not because despite the asshole tendencies, I think my grandfather actually loved my dad and was OK with him being pansexual even if he was afraid of the board being the board. Your dad sounds more like Steve's dad, an abusive alcoholic who screwed up two separate families. I wonder when I'm going to get to meet my aunt. I think the stepdad has at least called her.

Flash: I feel like you have an oversharing problem, and that worries me since you know too much about me. I would ask about the two families thing, but I think it's best I don't know.

Girl Friday: Or maybe I'm trying to make things even.

Girl Friday: I have to go. My dad is back.

Flash: And you have a dad you actually want to spend time with. I'm glad mine will be in Germany for the next two weeks after tonight. I bet I won't even get an email from him.

Girl Friday: I am sorry about that but enjoy the reprieve while you have it. We'll talk on Monday. We will work things out together.

Girl Friday: Although if you need to get away from him just call and I will get you out, even if we are not on speaking terms at the time. You don't need to stay there and take it. You can get out and I will help.

To be continued

* * *

IEP stands for individual education plan. Most gifted students or those with learning disabilities would have one, which probably means almost everybody at Midtown science would have one. In this story, Flash Thompson is gifted LD.

I'm modeling Flash's dyslexia and other learning disabilities on my own experiences with a few differences. I can read pretty well in context, but when words are isolated without context, I have trouble reading them. Also, because I read by sight, not phonetically, some look-alike words do slip through. You probably see that a lot in this story because this story only has an AI beta. (Good news, I've made arrangements for the big sequel to have a beta although I am looking for additional help still).

So in the context of the story, Flash could easily read the questions on the practice flashcards, but he might not be able to read the answers, and this can hurt his performance. Personally, I can't read names. This would lead to me accidentally giving tons of wrong answers. Of course, the differences I would admit I have a problem and asked for help and unfortunately Flash is not that person yet.


	8. Part 7: This one time at Disneyland

Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last part. You are all so wonderful. I've been sick at home for the last couple of days. So I've mostly been working on finalizing this story as I recuperate.

Also, on A30 you'll see a new tag "Don't copy to another site" on the story as well as several others. The original I Hope You Have Unlimited Text messaging was copied to another website without my permission. I'm usually very easy-going about putting my work on other platforms or authorizing translations; you just need to ask. Thankfully with help, it was taken down. Currently, additional chapters of the first story in the series are being translated into Chinese with my permission by Constanz with the hope of the entire series being translated.

If you are interested in reading check the version of the story on A30 where I'm allowed to include hyperlinks. I'm hopeful that the series will be translated into more languages as we go forward.

There is a story from Tony's youth in this chapter that was inspired partially by part of RDJ's Disney Legends speech at D23. If you watched the not edited version of the speech, you will know it when you see it. When I heard it, I said to myself "that is so something my Tony would've done." I just had to figure out how to incorporate it.

The remaining chapters are going to cover more than one day, so keep an eye on the timestamp.

* * *

Part Seven: You don't need to buy real friends (this one time at Disneyland)

Still January 27, 2017

As soon as Afia hit the send button, she got up off the couch and ran to wrap her hands around her father. She really missed him. This is the first time she's been away from her dad for so long. At least in her previous form, she could go with him. But that wasn't an option now.

"Hey, I miss you too, sweetie." He placed the kiss on her forehead. "And although you give the best hugs, you're really strong, and I bruise easily."

"Sorry, I'm just glad you're back." She said, pulling away. "How was DC?"

"Dysfunctional as usual. Too many political appointees. It is almost as bad as the board. It is making me glad that the ATCU will mostly work out of New York to be closer to the UN with the Shield division staying in DC. Good news, we might be able to create a droid defense against the purple asshole if we keep our noses down. Stevie bear suggested that we just work on this with the Princess and her team and I agree. We're calling the program STEVE. We are going to work on it during our summer trip there." Her father explained. She already heard some of this from Steve.

"That makes sense. It's also adorable." Afia smiled at her father. She is so glad Steve got the name changed.

"Oh, and did you know that we have a secret base off of Lake Ontario?" Her dad asked.

"Yes. It was built during the 70s. I think grandpa was involved."

"That seems like something Howard would have done. I'm sure your cousin told you?" Her dad asked.

"Actually, I think I was technically born there. Also, the government of Wakanda has taken over," Afia replied.

"That makes sense. I think we're going there tomorrow to explore. The other kids are coming with us along with Fitzsimmons and possibly Dr. and Mr. Leopold. This is mostly because Simmons is thinking about making it her wedding venue." Her father explained.

"I am not surprised. I'm still in the wedding party, even though Lila will be the flower girl despite shooting up 3 inches in the last month," Afia remarked, and that wasn't even hyperbole. Laura has been complaining a lot about needing to buy new clothes.

"You did save her husband's life. Besides, you adore Fitz." She really does. Leo and Fitz were the first people outside of her fathers to really treat her as a person before getting her current body.

"Very true. I do need to tell Fitz and his big brother all about what I've been doing this week." It's been so chaotic she has only really talked to their significant others recently. "Although I'm still apprehensive about being in the wedding party."

"Valid point although I've been told they are going very British with a bridal party with mostly small children outside of Daisy and whoever the best man is. Spidey Junior, Ms. Marvel, and Simmons' niece and nephew will also be part of the bridal party."

"I'm looking forward to it." She said, almost sarcastically. Why does she feel like she will be mostly wrangling small children?

"I'm regretting Wanda giving you the capacity for true sarcasm." Her dad said with a smile as he sat down on her air mattress.

"So did you make any more friends?"

"That is such a loaded question. Especially because I had to get the lawyers involved with the Betty situation."

"At least you learned this early on before the release of any sort of sex tape." Her father said, referring to the Tiberias Stone incident.

"At this point, I know better than to even dress in front of everyone in the locker room for gym class."

"Smart child. Please tell me you did at least avoid getting detention for a third time this week? I feel like I'm going to have to build another lab to make up for all of this."

"You will be happy to know I have not received any additional detentions." Although she won't tell him that she's being forced to take a "how-to handle classified materials" module by both her principal and Uncle Phil. That's more of a Shield thing than a Midtown thing. Her father does not need to know that.

"That's good. I can save the science lab for another day."

"Yes hold it until I really screw up."

"Which will probably be you accidentally punching a classmate out and not say smoking pot on a school field trip to an amusement park," Afia blinked at her father for a moment a little confused.

"There's a story here that apparently I don't know about." Which is weird because of her previous life, she had her father's arrest record memorized. She doesn't remember an arrest for marijuana anywhere.

"Aunt Peggy is a goddess who made the whole thing go away before Howard found out, so no paper trail. I'm shocked I never told you about the Disneyland/Jarvis and Peggy had to save my ass after getting caught smoking pot at the happiest place on earth story." Her dad joked.

"I promise you will never have to buy the school a science lab to overlook something like that. However, who should I talk to about getting the school a grant for more adaptive tech for classmates with disabilities? Gifted LD is a thing even at science magnet schools." She asked her father.

"Oh good, you're taking after me in the later years. Philanthropy is better than pot at Disneyland. I am getting you a summer internship with the Jarvis foundation. But talk to Hunter, that's his job. He will help take care of it." Her dad suggested.

"You put Hunter in charge of the Jarvis foundation?" She asked, concerned.

"As part of his cover identity with Mary and Rio helping. And apparently, Daisy wants to get Lincoln's sister Amanda involved since we are naming a foundation after her brother. It will be fine." Her dad said dismissively. Which means that it probably will blow up eventually.

"If you say so."

"OK, so how about you pack up your things, we say goodbye to the Parkers, and then go check out our new house. Do we have furniture yet?" Her father asked.

"They delivered this morning, but I think we have to set some things up. May is here, but Peter is on patrol with Joey right now. Otherwise, I would call him to help us."

"Wonderful." Our dad smiled.

"However, we don't have food yet. That's not really a problem for me, but I promise Steve that you would eat more." Because she knows he's terrible at remembering to eat.

"I'll have Ana order groceries, and I promise to actually eat them. You can send Steve a picture."

"Thank you." She said, kissing her father's cheek before packing up her things. Maybe she is starting to get a hold of this teenager thing.

* * *

February 1, 2017

MJ: OK, why did the principal just showed me an email from one of the various Stark foundations telling me that the decathlon team is getting a grant that I allegedly applied for, but in reality did not? We're supposed to be getting a bunch of Stark pads delivered in time for tonight's practice. We're also not going to be selling candy bars to go to regionals in May since we were given a grant for that too. I know you're responsible.

Girl Friday: Yes. I did it on your behalf, and I think it was actually the Jarvis foundation. I'm all but 12% sure, the Maria Stark Foundation is getting re-named after everything. There is talk of everything going under the Stark Relief Fund banner. I have no idea.

Girl Friday: Although apparently, I'm interning there this summer, so I'll learn.

MJ: That might actually be a good idea. My dad suggested that I do a summer internship with the "ATCU." Of course, I would be working out of the DC offices and not the New York HQ, so I have a chance to get to know my long-lost secret cousin. Who apparently was kidnapped for her own protection. Did I also mention she has earthquake superpowers and has been engaged in a one-woman campaign against the Watchdogs?

Girl Friday: That's one way of framing it. Although Hydra did the kidnapping and shield rescued her and then put her in foster care to keep her safe.

MJ: I'm not unpacking that. There's just too much there. And I want to talk to Daisy about it first. We spoke on the phone this weekend a lot, but there's so much ground to cover.

Girl Friday: That is fair. Although from the few times I met Agent Johnson, she seems like a good person, so I hope it works out.

MJ: I do too.

MJ: So why did we get a grant? Every member of the team is going to get a Stark pad with a subscription to LEXIS-NEXIS and several other scholarly publications that the school doesn't have access to. Also, you could've just had your dad buy the stuff for us instead of applying for a grant.

Girl Friday: I am working at the foundation all summer for those. So technically, I'm kind of paying for them myself. Also, we're not getting Stark pads for every member, only six. Enough for us to use them during practice. Although everybody is getting a license to the research library. As you mentioned, regionals will be paid for. And if we get to nationals again, I'm sure that will get taking care of as well.

MJ: I'm not to say no to free access to research resources or not having to pedal candy bars, but why?

Girl Friday: I feel like I should give back as much to the school as possible, especially because I'm taking a spot from someone else who could really use it just because I want the human experience.

MJ: Except you are here to keep an eye on the students at school who have powers and I just have this theory that Peter is not the only one. You're essentially an undercover agent which is necessary due to the watchdogs and similar groups.

Girl Friday: You have a point. I think all this extra stuff will give us an edge. We can spend candy bar selling time practicing instead. Also, some of the team may benefit from having the pads reading questions and answers to them. The school is getting another grant for adaptive technology for students who need it, including digital textbooks and another shipment of Stark pads. Not enough for everyone to have one, but I'm working on it. Even at a science magnet school students with learning disabilities exist, and they kind of forget about that.

MJ: You know you could've just broken into Flash's iPad and set up the accessibility features for him. It would've been cheaper.

Girl Friday: I'm planning to do that anyway after I get him digital copies of all his textbooks. Although, with his actual permission because I said I would respect his digital privacy. You know?

MJ: It's easy to see a lot of stuff if you pay attention. He always confuses the names of famous people /scientist/historical figures with something close, like he just misread the answer. I'm good at paying attention. I missed that Agent Johnson was my cousin, but no one's perfect.

Girl Friday: No one expects their cousin who disappeared as a baby more than a decade before they were born to suddenly show back up as a superhero. It is understandable that you missed it.

MJ: I know. Although, like Peter, I did notice your saving people thing.

Girl Friday: However, I'm not allowed to suit up unless there is an Avenger level apocalypse or to keep Peter from doing something that might nearly get him killed. Or at least prevent him from getting crushed by a building, again.

MJ: There are different types of saving people. Flash has been significantly less of a prick these last two days, and he's avoiding Damien's crew like the plague. So maybe you'll be successful.

MJ: Wait, Peter was crushed by a building?

Girl Friday: Yes. On homecoming. Liz's dad was trying to keep him busy. It turns out he's strong enough to get himself out from under a collapsed building.

MJ: I should not be surprised.

Girl Friday: Flash and I have a truce right now. He stops being a dick, and I will hang out with him and help him navigate classes as well. I'm hopeful it will last until at least Presidents' Day.

MJ: Sometimes, all you can do is try. It's very human.

Girl Friday: I'm learning that.

* * *

February 3, 2017

BFF Peter: I thought I should warn you that Ned is talking to Betty again because you sat with Ned at lunch today.

Girl Friday: Not that it's any of his business, but I had lunch with Flash today because he purposely stopped sitting with the asshole/bully contingent of Midtown. I wasn't going to leave him alone. I assume Ned hanging out with the person who sold photos of me to the media instead of talking to me directly is normal teenage behavior.

BFF Peter: Yes, but in Ned's defense, you are trying to be friends with Flash. Calling me Penis Parker is one of the least awful things that he's done to me since we ended up at the same school. I know you're trying to help him, but Ned doesn't see it the way I do.

Girl Friday: Which he hasn't used all week. He's not even hanging out with the Midtown bully contingent A.k.a. Damien and "friends" right now. Actually, has Thompson said anything nasty to you or anyone else this week?

BFF Peter: Wednesday, he said something about letting other people answer the questions during practice, but that's about it.

Girl Friday: See that is quite restrained for him.

BFF Peter: You made a deal? Friendship for him acting halfway decent? That's why it was just you two sitting together at lunch today?

Girl Friday: Sort of, although I did remind him that Spider-Man would be disappointed in him if he kept acting like a dick. He doesn't want to disappoint his idol.

BFF Peter: Clever. He loves Spidey to the point of changing his behavior but hates me, and all is right with the world.

Girl Friday: Hate is a strong word. Right now, we're in the truce stage. He doesn't antagonize the student population of Midtown, including you and Ned, and I stopped throwing food at him, and I make sure he doesn't eat lunch alone. Although I'm hoping maybe we can actually be friends. I would like to make a few that don't know I'm a robot.

BFF Peter: I'm sure Mr. Stark will enjoy you no longer getting detention. Also, you're not just a robot.

Girl Friday: Dad was very concerned about that, but Cap Dad calmed him down. Ned doesn't quite get it. This is why he's talking to Betty again even though he knows that she only wants my friendship because I'm Tony Stark's daughter and sold pictures of me to WHLN.

BFF Peter: I don't understand all your reasons for doing this, but I was there in Germany. So I understand why you're trying to help Flash.

Girl Friday: What does Germany have to do with this?

BFF Peter: Maybe I should've said what happened after Germany. I know you're the one who tried so hard to get your dad and Captain America speaking again.

Girl Friday: I intervened because Leo asked me to for the sake of humanity. Although, I wasn't expecting an engagement.

BFF Peter: Liar. You knew that they were secretly harboring romantic feelings for each other.

Girl Friday: Maybe. It's hard to overlook your father using a picture of Captain America's ass as his ID photo. That has to mean something.

BFF Peter: Exactly. I know you hate conflict and that you're trying to help Flash and myself work things out. Although, unlike your dads, we are not secretly in love with each other. It is probably going to take a little longer, but I'm willing to support you in your efforts in brokering peace. And maybe if Flash stays away from the bully contingent, I'm willing to join you at lunch sometimes.

Girl Friday: Well you definitely don't have a crush on him, but have you read Spider Watcher 4 real's twitter page?

BFF Peter: That's Flash's page? The one that uses a shot of my butt as its avatar?

Girl Friday: Yes. The header is worse. Lots of backside shots. I blame the nanofiber of your current suit.

BFF Peter: Oh God, Thompson has a crush on me? What the fuck?

Girl Friday: You figure that out? You are absolutely oblivious to everything. You haven't even figured out MJ is flirting with you yet.

BFF Peter: Hey, someone just stole a bike. I have to go.

Girl Friday: Don't do anything stupid. Also, you're a coward.

Afia quickly put her phone in her purse fully aware that Flash was going to kill her if he ever finds out, artificiality notwithstanding.

To be continued

* * *

Who do you think Fitz's best man will be?


	9. Part eight: MJ is always right

Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fabulous.

Warning: Reference to attempted sexual assault

Part eight: MJ is always right (This is Karma for Past Bad Choices).

* * *

February 13, 2017

Friendly Flash: I think I should be happy that you asked before you completely changed my iPad.

Girl Friday: And it only took you about a week to say yes. At least you won't have to charge it for about a month. Although it would've been easier if you just accepted the new Stark pad.

Friendly Flash: This is true. I'm too used to people who buy friendship with things, and I don't want us to have that type of relationship. Also, I needed to make sure that our truce was firmly in place. Ned is resorting to psychological warfare to get you to back out.

Girl Friday: I don't care if he is. He will figure out the Betty thing on his own. I don't let other people tell me who I can hang out with.

Friendly Flash: Good for you. He will figure it out eventually. I did.

Girl Friday: However, you can thank me by actually using your new digital textbooks. Also, I got you a pair of the new stealth Stark earbuds. Officially, you're beta testing them for my dad.

Girl Friday: Yes, they are compatible with your iPad. Everyone will think you're just going over the music for the Valentine's Day dance.

Friendly Flash: I will. You're also going to be my partner in class to help note take?

Girl Friday: Yes

Friendly Flash: Although I still have to choose the music for the dance on Friday. BTW, Damien from the basketball team wants to go with you. He wants me to talk you into it.

Girl Friday: Isn't he 18? I'm pretty sure he tried to shove Peter in a locker this morning. Also, I thought you stop talking to him because he is a dick and a member of the Midtown bullies club. That's why we been eating lunch together for nearly 2 weeks.

Friendly Flash: Yes, yes, and yes. Unfortunately, we still have the last class of the day together, and he has yet to realize I don't have the energy for fake friends.

Girl Friday: Will he take no for an answer? At least without me breaking his hand first. Not that I have a problem with that, but I promised my dad I would try to avoid doing anything that will require a science lab to cover it up.

Friendly Flash: Good point and unfortunately it probably would require broken bones. Maybe you can pretend you're already with someone else. Because Damien is like the only player on the basketball team that can actually play, so you know that means they'll let him get away with just about anything, as long as the principle doesn't find out. He takes shit from no one.

Girl Friday: That's true. Is this your way of asking me if I will be your beard?

Friendly Flash: No.

Girl Friday: [skeptical emoji]

Friendly Flash: Yes. You asked me not to hit on female classmates to uphold the pretense of me being heterosexual. You and I assume MJ, are the only ones who know and incidentally are the only females that I have any attraction to. I would be leading on anyone else I ask to go with me to the dance because I'm not interested.

Friendly Flash: Also, unfortunately, many may only yes to going with me to the dance because of my new Audi, and that feels even worse. Since MJ is not an option due to the Parker crush, I think it's best if we go together.

Girl Friday: Of course MJ knows, and I think you need to at least stop being a dick to everybody for at least six months she considers beard duty. It might get Parker to at least acknowledge his feelings for her.

Friendly Flash: What do you know about beards?

Girl Friday: That everybody thinks that my Aunt Pepper was just my dad's beard for their entire relationship, including her ex-boyfriend. They don't quite understand sexuality is a spectrum.

Girl Friday: Hey, have you ever considered that you may be demisexual? I need to get you a book.

Friendly Flash: The one who dumped her for a YA starlet who has already dropped him for some NBA player?

Friendly Flash: As long as it's digital.

Girl Friday: Yes, and the link is already in your email. My dad sent Aunt Pepper a chocolate and champagne gift basket to celebrate. Along with a spa day so she can spend Valentine's Day in style. They were cackling about it Saturday.

Friendly Flash: It is a little weird that they are best friends. Also, why would you dump Pepper Potts? What an idiot.

Girl Friday: Because the ex was a moron. As for dad and Aunt Pepper, they figured out that their friendship was more important than a romantic relationship.

Girl Friday: If you keep reframing from the Penis Parker jokes, we can go as friends. Although there is like a 50-50 chance, my dad will chaperone if I do go and he's not required to be out of the country. He says it is his penance for what he did to Jarvis when he was 16.

Friendly Flash: Which would be good since Ned is going with Betty. It's on her Instagram. And who says no to Tony Stark being at their school dance?

Girl Friday: His daughter, who is easily embarrassed. I'm not even getting involved with the Betty/Ned thing. I have more important things on my mind.

Friendly Flash: Such as?

Girl Friday: The prophetic drawings of a five-year-old that predict the end of half the population because of the purple asshole and my father dying being the only way to defeat him permanently.

Girl Friday: Just Kidding

Friendly Flash: Okay, you are definitely funnier than me even if your humor is dark.

Girl Friday: I really should put a standup act together.

Friendly Flash: There's always the spring talent show.

Girl Friday: That is so true. I'll talk to you later. I have homework. [10 annoyed emojis]

XXXX

"I can't believe you sent that message to him when I specifically said delete it."

"I misunderstood your command." Afia glared at the ceiling. She knew better. This was probably penance for all those things she sent forward that her dad did not want Steve to see, like the sergeant Barnes therapy letters.

"No, you didn't. I'm fine. I don't need Flash to know what's going on. I can handle everything." She tells the AI.

"I do not think that word adequately describes your current mental state. However, I will not intervene at this juncture."

"That just means you will intervene eventually when you don't need to. I know how your mind works. I used to have your mind. I'm fine. Everything's fine. I'm fine. I don't need help." Afia told Ana again.

"I think you need somebody else to talk to about this. You refuse to let me schedule you a session with counselor Laura; therefore, I suggest you reach out to your friends. Flash seems the one you are most likely to do so with."

"Which is why you really sent that message to him. It doesn't matter because Flash thinks I'm joking. Just let it go, Ana."

"Yes. I apologize for Accidentally sending that message to Mr. Thompson," Ana told her as she closed her cell phone.

"You're not sorry at all."

Xxxxx

Tony/Steve Interlude

February 17, 2017

Tony: okay, somehow, I am chaperoning a Valentine's Day dance. More importantly, I'm chaperoning a school dance stone-cold sober. I've never even been to a school dance before, and now I'm chaperoning one.

Hot Sexy Fiancé: How did that happen?

Tony: Karma, most likely for a lot of the stuff I put Jarvis through as a teenager like getting arrested for smoking pot at Disneyland during spring break. But it's most likely because the principal knows my teenage daughter is an actual teenage ATCU agent undercover at his school to protect six students with powers or at least that's what Coulson told him. He's okay with it since she really is a teenager.

Hot Sexy Fiancé: Someday when it's not after midnight my time you're going to have to tell me that story. Right now, I just want to go to sleep.

Tony: Sorry, you know I'm horrible with time zones. I'll tell you that story tomorrow when we're in the same time zone on Stark Island. Right now you can put me on mute as I rant.

Hot sexy fiancé: I can spend a few more minutes talking to you. You know I adore you.

Tony: Did I mention my teenage daughter is going to the dance with Flash Thompson. You know the guy who's made Peter's first two years of high school a living hell, allegedly because of a "pigtail syndrome" according to my daughter.

Tony: Afia says they are going together as friends, but I'm not even sure how they've managed to become friends yet, mainly because just weeks ago she was pouring various food products on him.

Hot sexy fiancé: And we beat the hell out of each other in Siberia 10 months ago and now were engaged. Relationships can change quickly.

Tony: Not helping.

Hot sexy fiancé: I don't think she's his type at all.

Tony: Still not helping.

Hot sexy fiancé: I'm sorry. It's been a long day because of a skirmish with Watchdog sympathizers. You know I love talking to you, but there's a 50-50 chance that I may fall asleep texting. Good thing we're texting because otherwise, I would have yawned in your face at least twice.

Tony: You being this exhausted is concerning. What happened? Please tell me you did not get shot again.

Hot sexy fiancé: Stopped and attack three inhuman teenagers, one of which accidentally thrown into a wall due to one of the teenagers not understanding her powers very well.

Tony: Poor baby. I promise to give you a massage tomorrow.

Hot sexy fiancé: Thank you.

Tony: However, in the meantime, as I suggested earlier put your phone on silent because I'm going to need somebody to vent to and I apologize that the time difference is going to make that difficult. You can just respond in the morning.

Tony: And Laura is dealing with Clint stuff, so I can't send these messages to her.

Tony: And May and Yo-Yo are on a mission.

Tony: And other May is on a date that Peter is not supposed to know about. Some old friend from college that she's recently reconnected with.

Tony: And Happy is taking Pepper to the theater because I really hope he's finally going to make a move. He thought I didn't know about his crush on Pepper, but I do. And I'm okay with it. Anything is better than Robert, the asshole.

Hot Sexy Fiancé: Thanks ever so much. We will talk in the morning. Love you.

Tony: Love you too.

Xxxxx

Two hours later

Tony: I hope you're totally asleep right now. However, I just had to send you super cute images of Afia and me looking adorable together attached. Also, see pictures of Peter in his suit. Isn't it gorgeous? I had my tailor take care of it because everyone needs a good suit, not for superhero antics.

Tony: He is not going with MJ because he is too terrified to ask her to go with him, even as a friend. So he's tagging along with Afia and Flash. I feel like I need a lawyer on standby because the night will end in bloodshed.

Tony: Afia said that MJ is joining them because you know that kid loves to play matchmaker. MJ just arrived and matches Peter perfectly. I am not surprised.

Tony: The Flash kid is coming here, so I get to see the car that I bought for him. Although at least this way we won't have to worry about Spider-Man wrecking his car if the bad guys attack the dance. I hope the bad guys do not attack the dance. Maybe that's the other reason why the principal wants me to chaperone. There was a Watchdog attack nearby a few days ago.

Tony: I guess it's a good time to try out the new nano-tech prototype that the Princess and I worked on during Christmas. It looks like a watch and necklace set. It's better than the chess piece idea I was going to use. At least no surgery this way.

Tony: The Flash kid brought a corsage. The Flash kid also spent more time staring at Peter's ass then my daughters anything. I have pictures. I'm starting to believe the pulling pigtail syndrome theory. Also, you were definitely right about my daughter not being his type. Thank Thor.

Tony: Although he does keep staring at MJ. The fact that they're all underage is why I won't make a joke about polyandry. That would be in bad taste.

Tony: Never mind, my daughter, made that joke. Not surprised.

Tony: This resulted in Peter spilling a drink on his tie. I'm taking him upstairs to get a new tie from my collection.

Tony: So Mr. oblivious knows that Flash has a crush on him, yet still doesn't see was going on with MJ. This is going to be a very long and awkward night.

Tony: I can smell the bourbon on flashes breath now. I'm not taking his flask away because I might be half tempted to drink it by the end of tonight. However, he's definitely crashing at our house tonight. No driving home for him.

Tony: I never want to ride in a limo again with teenagers, especially a limo not being driven by Happy.

Tony: I just threw out the punch for being chopped full of alcohol. I'm only drinking bottled water tonight.

Tony: So Parker accidentally broke a chair when Flash asked MJ to dance. Yes, this is going to be as awkward as I thought it would be.

Tony: okay, apparently our daughter decided to go with Flash to avoid the school basketball diva. She almost broke his hand when he tried to touch her inappropriately on the dance floor.

Tony: The basketball diva just brought our daughter a drink to apologize.

Tony: That drink is now on the basketball diva. Also, my daughter just kicked him in the dick, and there is a 90% chance that Flash just broke his nose.

Tony: I probably should've taken the alcohol from Flash. I guess this means I should go chaperone. Ana, please get rid of the footage fast before the end up on Twitter.

Ana: Working on it, boss.

Tony: I take that back. I'm okay with him punching out the basketball diva because the prick tried to slip Rohypnol to my daughter. I want to take a gauntlet to his ass. Although our baby girl kicked him in the prick, so I guess I need to be the adult and work things out with the principal.

Tony: And maybe call the lawyers. I should probably call the lawyers. And probably Pepper.

Tony: Thank the universe Ana got rid of all the video footage of it. It would be the number one trending topic otherwise. Now it's just coming out as mostly a rumor.

Hot sexy fiancé: Oh God. Are they okay?

Tony: Yes. Being an LMD means that you're not susceptible to Rohypnol. Also, Flash just bruised his hand. Of course, his parents sent his butler to handle things, and the guy is no Jarvis. So, I'm handling this incident, and the kid is sleeping off his hangover in the guest room.

Hot sexy fiancé: Of course, you are.

Tony: Good news the basketball diva was expelled for attempted rape of a 14-year-old.

Hot sexy fiancé: that's good. Is Afia you going to press charges?

Tony: I want my daughter to press charges, but there's too much of a risk of people figuring out that she's an LMD if she does. May is going to take care of it.

Tony: Also, I'm now 99% sure the principal knows the LMD thing but doesn't care.

Hot sexy fiancé: Peter's aunt?

Tony: Your ex-girlfriend. Jane is also going to keep this out of the papers and Afia managed to wipe everybody's phone before we left the school. Right now it's just a twitter rumor. Nobody has picked up the story yet.

Hot sexy fiancé: That's good.

Tony: Let's just say I'm happy I'm going to be on a private island away from paparazzi with you for the next week.

Hot sexy fiancé: I am too. I can't wait to see you.

Tony: Although, right now, I just want to go to sleep for a couple of hours.

Hot sexy fiancé: Hey, Tony check twitter. Afia Stark is trending, and apparently, a Betty Bratt from Midtown is on that news channel that hates us.

Hot sexy fiancé: Not Fox, the other one. The network owned by your ex-boyfriend.

Tony: Fuck. And Everhart is interviewing her. How did she avoid Ana's cell phone wipe? And she's spinning the whole thing in the worst possible way. I'm obviously not getting any sleep before the plane ride tomorrow or rather later today.

Tony: Jane is going to kill me. We may be arriving late.

Hot sexy fiancé: I understand. However, please make sure she does that after our week together.

Tony: I'll try

Xxxxx

Girl Friday: Hey just checking to see if you got home okay. Although, if it's terrible at your house, you can stay in the townhouse. Ana will let you in.

Friendly Flash: I'm fine. Thankfully, my dad is still in Germany, and my mom is spending the weekend with her "personal trainer." But I'll keep that in mind if I get in trouble for making the international news.

Girl Friday: It was for the very best reason. Thank you for breaking Damien's nose.

Friendly Flash: I enjoyed it even if it means I'm now a pariah at school and have a day of in-school suspension.

Girl Friday: At least we're not back for a week.

Friendly Flash: Social media is vicious. I'm only checking my Spider-Man watcher account right now. Unfortunately, no new sightings. I've had to block a lot of classmates in the last 12 hours, as well. Apparently, I only defendant your honor because we are fucking. Do they realize your 14? I'll be 17 Soon, that's not right.

Girl Friday: According to the half your age +7 rule, you currently can't date anyone younger than 15 1/2. Which incidentally does cover Parker and MJ.

Friendly Flash: [6 rolling eyes emojis]

Girl Friday: For smart kids school, we are surrounded by idiots. I think Spidey is on vacation this week and Bulletproof Pacifist is patrolling by himself.

Girl Friday: Damien is going after you, Isn't he? Whether it be legally or on twitter. I bet he's furious about the expulsion. I already got an email saying his parents are going to challenge it or at the very least get you more than the school district minimum punishment.

Friendly Flash: Not legally because your lawyers are taking care of it, and I've already blocked him on Twitter, Instagram, Discord, Tumblr, and Facebook. And I think your AI Ana is going to have him and most of his friends permanently banned by tomorrow from all social media everywhere. I think she likes me.

Girl Friday: Possibly earlier. She's such a good AI. I think this makes us actually friends now?

Friendly Flash: You're willing to let me crash at your house when you're not there to keep me away from my abusive father. I think that definitely makes us friends.

Girl Friday: I would suggest you talk to the lawyers about emancipation possibilities, but you may not be there yet.

Friendly Flash: I need to find a job first. But you're right; I need to get out sooner rather than later. I'm dreading what's going to happen when he gets back from Germany. He's going to be mad at me for getting suspended even if it's just for a day.

Girl Friday: I wish you came with us.

Friendly Flash: Me too

Girl Friday: As for a job, I know some people. You should come with me to my friend Fitz's wedding next month. His brother is the new Chief Creative Officer of SI. They have different last names because James wants nothing to do with their abusive asshole father and made his new last name his brother's first name.

Friendly Flash: I can understand wanting to do that.

Girl Friday: I can totally get you an internship. We're going to be gone for the entire weekend since the thing is upstate in some tiny little town called Rivers End. They are getting married at a lighthouse off of lake Ontario.

Friendly Flash: This is your way of keeping me out of the house as much as possible?

Girl Friday: Yes.

Friendly Flash: Fine, I will come with you.

Girl Friday: Thank you.

. Xxx

February 22, 2017

Boy in the chair: I'm sorry I took Betty to the Valentine's Day spectacular.

Girl Friday: Go on.

Boy in the chair: I'm sorry she took pictures of you pouring punch on Damien as well as kicking him in the balls after Flash probably broke his nose with my phone and email them to herself. I'm very sorry she is the reason those images are all over twitter and Instagram. I'm also sorry she gave an exclusive to Christine Everhart.

Girl Friday: But neglected to say that Damien tried to drug me with Rohypnol. Only the New York Bullet included that part of the story.

Boy in the chair: I am so very sorry.

Girl Friday: Do you have any idea what would've happened if he tried to drug any other girl at school? They can't detect the drugs because they're not LMDs. And although the drug-detecting napkin is a thing, it's not widely available yet.

Boy in the chair: Sorry again. I know I've been an awful friend. I was upset about Flash. He may not be as horrible as I initially assumed. He did help you kick Damien's ass.

Girl Friday: Flash is still an asshole, but not an attempted raping asshole. Although, I'm trying to help Flash work through his asshole tendencies.

Boy in the chair: I see that now. Are we still friends?

Girl Friday: Thankfully for you, I am all about forgiveness, at least from those who show contrition. Also, I'm going to need as many friends as I can get because the whole school is going to blame me for Damien getting expelled and us probably losing the city championship, in the charter/magnet school division. Honestly, I'm happy I'm on a private island right now.

Boy in the chair: That's probably best. Hopefully, by the time Lunar New Year's break is over, people will move on to something else.

Girl Friday: I doubt it. So tell me young Ned, what did you learn from this disaster?

Boy in the chair: MJ is usually right.

Girl Friday: Not the life lesson I was hoping you would learn, but a valuable one nonetheless.

Boy in the chair: How is Stark Island? I can't believe you own your own island.

Girl Friday: The private beach is peaceful, and at least this way, I don't have to turn off my hearing abilities because my parents are loud. Peter and I have been spending most of our time on the beach despite it being February. At least it's warm here.

Boy in the chair: Good idea. You're less likely to be traumatized this way. See you are figuring out this teenager thing.

Girl Friday: I think I am. Mostly.

Girl Friday: Although, Flash is going to be my escort to the Fitzsimmons wedding. I know you're going as Peter's +1 since Daisy invited MJ separately.

Boy in the chair: This is my punishment for Betty.

Girl Friday: Yes

* * *

To be continued.

Up next is the Fitzsimmons wedding special. I thought about doing it as a separate story, but I decided it would be better just to keep it all together. I actually managed to turn it into a significant plot point for the overall narrative of the story.


	10. I2 Text messages from a SHIELD wedding

Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You're all wonderful. Also, I just want to let everybody know that I'm probably going to be posting the remaining chapters every two weeks. The reason for this is I recently discovered I am almost done with Hydra Lullaby. Therefore, I'm going to finish that story before I begin on Infinite Text Messaging to the Endgame. However, for there to be less of a gap between when I end this story and start that one, I decided to space the chapters farther apart. In the long run, I think I should finish one story before I begin another.

Summary: You are cordially invited to the wedding of Dr. Jemma Anne Simmons and Dr. Leopold James Fitz. May the universe give them a break just this once.

Welcome to the Fitzsimmons wedding special. I was initially going to make this a separate story. Instead, I chose to do it as an interlude for this story since it so connected. Besides, you can always use more Steve and Tony. Also, this time, Steve is going to be conscious the entire time.

A/N: I stopped using "me" as an email designation because it can get too confusing. I'm currently helping to translate this series, and I'm rereading all the chapters. I realize that in hindsight, that's a little confusing.

Tony is "the fiancé" in this section.

* * *

**Interlude: Text messages from a SHIELD wedding**

March 24, 2017

The cell phone of Steve Rogers.

The Fiancé: Why did I agree to come to the Fitzsimmons wedding with five teenagers and only the Mays for company? The headache is just starting to subside.

Steve: Both Mays? Why isn't Pepper or Rio with you?

The fiancé: Yes. Remember May Parker Riley is my plus one, mostly because I can't deal with this many teenagers alone. In an effort to work out issues with her estranged husband, Rio decided to turn this into a family road trip/mini-vacation and left two days ago. Also, Rio knew better than to be on a plane with this many teenagers.

The fiancé: Pepper is smart and coming straight to the lighthouse with Yo-Yo from LA. Happy's her date. Yes, I'm shipping my ex and my friend. No, I'm still not ready to talk about it. At least I don't have to worry about him dumping her for a flaky YA starlet.

Steve: I will be here when you're ready to talk about it.

The Fiancé: Although it probably makes sense that the toddler was the rebound. Don't worry, you are not my rebound. I tried to have a rebound fuck after the breakup with Pepper, and I couldn't even get it up. Apparently, I can only have sex now with someone I actually love.

Steve: I'm just going to ask why Melinda is there instead of focusing on how weirdly sweet that is.

The fiancé: The ex-girlfriend is our pilot. We weren't driving all the way here. The drive to the compound from Queens was enough to induce tears. Ned is still annoyed that Afia is friends with Flash despite him now being a social pariah due to the Damien fiasco and Betty fanning the flames in retaliation for losing her school morning show. Or maybe he's mad that Peter and MJ are now friendly with Flash. You know, usual teenage bull shit.

Steve: Very wise.

The fiancé: Or maybe not because Skyequake told me not to mention her uncle ditching his family again to MJ. Apparently, he's a bit of a flake that leaves a lot. I decided I'm definitely not touching that.

Steve: I feel like conversations about father figures should be avoided in general when it comes to you.

The fiancé: So true. Also, Peter is behaving awkwardly as fuck every time Flash started gushing about Spider-Man.

The fiancé: Spidey saved him two days ago when the watchdogs attacked the school. There were going after everybody Latinx or with powers. I'm pretty sure somebody told them about the Puerto Rico correlation.

Steve: I hate the watchdogs. Although I'm happy that the kids were able to save everybody even though I'm furious they were in that position.

The fiancé: However, due to being saved by Spidey, Flash's crush is worse than ever.

The fiancé: I hate the Watchdogs too. They are like half of my workload right now, along with the New Orleans fallout and investigating more weird stuff like a dinosaur sighting in Los Angeles. Those ass holes going into my kids' school is on another level of annoying. But at least we were prepared, especially with the new nano suits from the Princess.

Steve: That would be awkward under any circumstance. Although it must be worse since Peter probably doesn't reciprocate his feelings and Flash has no idea who Peter really is.

The fiancé: MJ actually is convinced Peter does reciprocate but believes Peter is really confused and still stuck in a "heteronormative monogamous mindset." We talked while the boys were getting snacks.

The fiancé: I think MJ just wants to lock the two of them in a room together and live stream the whole thing. I'm not even going to ask what that's about. Maybe a distraction from the family drama.

Steve: That's probably best. And you may be right.

The fiancé: There's currently a betting pool between me, the Mays, and MJ on when Peter will give his secret identity away to Flash. I said a year from today. No one else has anything later than that. And May PR actually put 20 on tomorrow. Our daughter is abstaining on principal, and we all decided not to tell Ned.

Me: Should you really be encouraging teenagers to gamble?

The fiancé: I don't know if MJ should actually be considered a teenager. She is an old soul. I'm not 100% sure she knows about the Parker pining after her, but I'm at least 12% sure.

The fiancé: I really should just be happy nobody started fighting.

Me: So, the truce is holding?

The fiancé: Mostly because Ned feels awful about the whole Betty thing. They're only starting to stop talking about the Damien thing at school, mostly because everybody is talking about the new superhero Purple Princess who kept the Watchdogs from kidnapping Cindy two days ago. Thank God, everyone just thinks that they were being ridiculously racist and have yet to realize that Cindy has powers.

Steve: True. It probably helps that they attacked Flash as well.

The fiancé: Also, now that Peter knows Flash is crushing on him, he just feels bad because he doesn't feel the same way. Or maybe he feels terrible because MJ is right and he's crushing on two people at the same time and is a very confused 15-year-old. Regardless, Peter doesn't respond when Flash slips, and he has a few times. It feels odd for Peter not being ridiculously mouthy.

The fiancé: Okay, Peter and probably MJ also feels bad because we got to watch the eldest Thompson be a total Dick to his son a.k.a. Slapping him across the face. He also called me several homophobic slurs but has no idea his son was on a video call with us.

Steve: Oh, God. Please tell me you're planning to do something with that.

The fiancé: I already ordered another bed for the spare room, and Jennifer is ready to tear him apart as soon as she hears from Flash. I'm just glad he allowed us to send it to my lawyer, if not the police. He doesn't want to press charges.

The fiancé: I'm just glad the asshole allowed Flash to go with us anyway because it's not like he actually cares what his kid does. He just likes his punching bag. He also wants to be on SI's good side. However, he does not realize we now have video evidence of him being an abusive prick, so his in-person persuasion wasn't going to work at all. Really, I'm surprised our daughter punch the guy.

The fiancé: Although this does explain why Afia has asked our lawyers what you need to do to get emancipated in New York State last month. It also explains why she's trying to get Flash a paid internship.

Steve: That seems like something she would do, and I'm sure you're helping now. I'm surprised you didn't punch the guy.

The fiancé: I don't resort to physical violence. Although I did tell Pepper and Leo not to do any business with his firm.

The fiancé: And maybe I'll see if Leo or Pepper could use an intern. He can't hurt the kid if Flash is in California. I really wish the kid would go to the police, but he doesn't trust them.

Steve: That's understandable.

The fiancé: Okay Flash just called Ned out for the Betty thing, and I need to go before we get a fistfight on the jet.

* * *

The fiancé: MJ and Peter diffuse the crisis. And the rest of the flight went okay. I'm just so glad to be out of the plane and at the hotel right now. I want a milkshake.

Steve: I'm sure it will get better. At least you have until tomorrow morning to decompress before the wedding. Maybe you can avoid the teenagers for a while.

The fiancé: No, because the rehearsal dinner is in 15 minutes, and I'm taking the place of the father of the groom as his science mentor. I'm sharing the honor with Agent. I have a speech and everything. I should probably finish getting dressed, but the need to text you was overwhelming.

Steve: So, I should expect text messaging the entire time? I actually took a nap so I could stay up and respond to you this time.

The fiancé: I'm not sure. Simmons asked Yo-Yo to take everyone's phones away.

Steve: After what happened in Mumbai, I feel like that's a bad idea. I'm never taking our devices away again even for a team-building exercise.

The fiancé: Oh, this is an absolutely horrible idea. However, Ana will be able to let us know if something goes badly. I hope.

Steve: Good luck.

The fiancé: We are going to need a lot of luck. I'll talk to you later my Cuddle Bunny.

Xxx

The fiancé: Simmons actually had Yo-Yo take all of our phones away. That was cruel and unusual punishment.

Steve: It couldn't have been that bad.

The fiancé: The only thing that went in our favor was MJ, Peter, and Ned were not required to be at the dinner and therefore stayed in their suite and overindulged on room service.

The fiancé: Therefore, keeping Flash and Ned apart. According to MJ, Ned is jealous of everyone making new friends. I'm so over teenagers.

Steve: Understandable, so why was the dinner so awful?

The fiancé: The Koenig brothers were there and asked me to sign their trading cards.

Steve: And I'm sure they were even more awkward than Coulson was.

The fiancé: So much worse. And they did it with like everybody. I'm honestly surprised Daisy didn't quake the guy when one of them brought up all of the very inappropriate NC-17 Widow Quake RPF fanfiction out there. I'm not even sure which one asked because I can't tell them apart. I would be sending them to sexual-harassment training otherwise. I might do it regardless, we could all use a refresher.

Steve: Oh, God.

The fiancé: Don't worry, I'm adding it to the parental lock that I created for Ms. Marvel after the Stony shipper resurgence in January. Why does everyone think you have a humiliation kink and are like the bossies top ever? You don't even like topping that much.

Steve: Because they don't know us at all.

Steve: Please don't go on Freaking Cool and correct everybody's misconceptions about our bedroom activities.

The fiancé: Exactly, and I promise I won't.

The fiancé: Oh, I almost punched out Simmons's dad.

Steve: Why?

The fiancé: Well, first of all, they made us sit next to each other as fathers of the bridal party. About halfway through the appetizer, I realized I saw him at an annual clean energy conference last year, making out with someone who was not his wife. He's a Roxxon executive in the UK.

Steve: That is not good. Did you tell the bride?

The fiancé: She already knew. I'm blaming Leo because he probably saw the same thing at the same conference last week. She's planning to tell her mom after the wedding. However, she thanked me for not causing a scene.

The fiancé: Finally, during my speech, mommy Fitz burst into tears and apologize for marrying a total abusive ass hole and not kicking him out earlier.

Steve: We are having a small wedding. Friends and family only. And I'm not even sure how much family yet. It depends on how the meeting with my sister goes in the summer. She agreed to meet in Malta, and you're going to be there.

The fiancé: Of course, I will. If that goes very well, we should just get married in Vegas. That way she won't have a long trip. I am all for inviting only people we actually like. Again, I don't know why the K brothers are here at the wedding, let alone the rehearsal dinner. I don't think anybody really likes them.

The fiancé: Oh wait, Agent America says they're not actually invited as a guess but are at the wedding as security. That makes more sense. Although, I do wonder why I wasn't told about it beforehand, seeing as I'm everybody's boss as of 24 days ago. I definitely would've assigned someone else.

Steve: Why are you hanging out with Melinda?

The fiancé: Work stuff. Also, she is making sure I don't dive headfirst into the minibar. It was a near thing. And I couldn't text message you, because my phone was missing.

Steve: Maybe you should tell Simmons that you need your phone to keep your sobriety.

The fiancé: I don't know if that will work on bridezilla. I'll try it. Now go to sleep. I'm going to need you for tomorrow.

* * *

March 25, 2017

The fiancé: I'm going to keep my phone during the ceremony. So expect me to live text the entire thing.

Steve: That's good.

The fiancé: It will keep me sane and possibly prevent me from punching out Simmons' father or questioning him about his company's involvement in the Mardi Gras incident.

Steve: Maybe hold off on that until after the ceremony.

The fiancé: Bridezilla agrees which might be why she gave me my phone back. Although this way, I can send you pictures of Afia. Despite the ridiculous color of the dress, she looks adorable. All the kids do, even the ones not in the bridal party. I may have got outfits for everyone.

Me: Of course. You did. I saw. Daisy sent some pictures to Tosha earlier. I love the suit you're wearing.

The fiancé: So, Widow Quake is still a thing?

Me: Possibly. Tosha will not give me details about her love life, and I'm afraid to ask. Although I did see Daisy sneaking out of her room in Geneva last week.

The fiancé: Okay and one of the baby cousins just tried to take off her shoes. And another one is eating the flowers.

The fiancé: New rule, nobody in our bridal party under five. Laura can just let us borrow Nat Junior for pictures.

Steve: Good idea. Although considering how badly things went last week in Geneva regarding negotiations for the Accords replacement, Nat Junior may be over five before the wedding happens.

The fiancé: Actually, I think the situation has improved since Geneva. Don't forget the watchdogs tried to kidnap a 16-year-old from Midtown three days ago in addition to trying to attack Flash. Afia is the only reason why they didn't get her. Spidey was too busy saving Flash. Thank you, Princess, for giving my daughter and Spidey a nanotech superhero costume.

The fiancé: People are pissed. So, I think the new Accords will happen sooner rather than later.

Steve: One can hope.

The fiancé: Okay, Leo and Hunter have just caught the runaway toddlers and are holding them. I hope somebody is getting a picture of that. I can't get a good one from this angle from the family section. Mack is blocking me.

Steve: Is Leo in the wedding party?

The fiancé: No, because they all thought it would be awkward. Shuri is the other best woman.

Steve: Why not, Mack?

The fiancé: Because Simmons said no alternate selves, those dating alternate selves, or former crushes can be in the wedding party. So we end up with the Princess as Fitz's best person. Which is why there are so many agents on duty and people with powers here. We have to protect the royalty. I'm still shocked that big brother let her come with only Ayoas as her bodyguard.

Steve: I am too. He's very protective of his little sister. Bucky has had some interesting stories.

The fiancé: Oh, Fuck' Alastair showed up. Of course, he's going to crash the wedding, despite the NDA and all the money we paid him to go crawl under a rock. I was hoping he drunk himself into a puddle by this point.

Me: Who is Alastair?

The fiancé: The reason why mommy Fitz started crying during my speech last night. I told you about Leo and Fitz's abusive absentee father. Alastair is the prick in question.

Me: You usually refer to him as the fucking asshole sperm donor or some variation. This is the first time I've heard his name.

The fiancé: Appropriate. So appropriate because he brought the Watchdogs. Fuck, I got a go.

* * *

The fiancé: Okay, we are having a super-secret wedding with everybody in full gear. I'll design you a tactical tuxedo. That actually might be a good idea anyway.

Me: How bad?

The fiancé: Simmons shot her father in law, twice. Also, Hunter kicked him in the Dick for good measure. Of course, this happened after he shot his ex-wife and Leo. Also, one of the Watchdogs turned out to be Inhuman and has explosion powers.

Steve: I am not surprised at all.

The fiancé: He threw a Terrigen crystal at Flash only to discover he Inhuman himself. And no idea where that came from. Thankfully, the exploding Inhuman was contained quickly because Leo thinks of everything. That entire fiasco is giving me extremis flashbacks.

Steve: Why do I feel like this happened in the other timeline?

The fiancé: It did, although that time around, Senator hateful got to be a martyr instead of becoming the first senator to be expelled from the Senate since the Civil War.

Steve: So better this time?

The fiancé: Well, nobody died on our side. The Princess apparently gave the bridal party Nanotech protective gear. A few people are in intensive care such as the father-in-law, both of them. Nobody really felt like protecting Simmons's father from the Watchdogs since he's a cheating prick, not even Spidey and you know he's a "cinnamon roll" per the Princess.

Steve: Did the wedding actually happen?

The fiancé: Yes, 10 minutes ago, on floor 27. Hunter insisted that they do so before checking in on his boyfriend and mommy Fitz. Their wedding vows made me cry. You know I love a good story about love at first scientific discussion. There was a lot in there about marrying someone who will break the barriers of time and space to be with you. And there may have been an ad-lib about shooting asshole fathers.

Steve: I'm not surprised.

The fiancé: Despite everything, it was beautiful. I'm sending you pictures. I sort of ended up being the new photographer. Although Coulson ended up performing the ceremony, so I prefer being the photographer.

Steve: Is that a Shield base, and why is the ring pillow just floating in the air like that? Spidey and the Purple Princes are still wearing their costumes?

The fiancé: Yes, you, and yes. Miles won't turn himself visible yet. He is afraid that the Watchdogs will come back. Also, the nanotech accidentally destroyed the original outfit instead of forming on top of it like it did last time. We are going to fix that, but it made more sense for the kids to stay in costume then change into Shield sweats. I'm also still in my armor. We will put on the sweats for the ride back to the hotel, eventually.

Steve: This didn't scare the other guests?

The fiancé: Piper and Davis escorted all the civilians not hurt to the hotel by that point. This was just Shield personnel, Peter, Afia, and Miles because we can't take him to the hotel until he is visible again. Rio and Jeff are trying to calm him down. It's not going well.

Steve: Maybe you should try.

The fiancé: Yes, I'll just go hug him, and he'll turn visible again.

The fiancé: Okay, I take back the sarcasm. That actually worked. I am now the child whisper of the ATCU. The daughter has a video of it.

Steve: I saw. You guys make such an adorable pair. I wish I were there.

The fiancé: I wish you were here too. Miss you.

Steve: Miss you too.

The fiancé: Our wedding will be so much better. At least we don't have to worry about fathers crashing.

The fiancé: But we are definitely getting married in costume, and everyone will have weapons. Lots of weapons.

Steve: This seems like a good idea. I don't care as long as I get to be your husband.

The fiancé: You are so adorable. I can't wait to see you in a few weeks. I'll video call you after we get to the hotel.

To be continued

**More wedding chaos in part nine. Since the canon wedding for Fitz and Simmons was peaceful, I decided to go to the other extreme.**

Also, let us raise a glass to the cooler heads and smart lawyers that lead to us getting closure to the Peter Parker spider saga. I'm happy. Although I'm still going to treat this series like there's nothing else coming after the infinity Saga because we are definitely going into serious alternate universe territory. You have no idea what I have planned.


	11. Part 9: Boys Are Idiots

Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the wedding special. You are all fabulous. Although this is labeled as part 9, this is the second half of the wedding special. This time from the teenagers.

Warning: Allusions to child abuse as well as using drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism to deal with such abuse and anxiety in general. Mentions of domestic violence.

**Part nine: Boys Are Idiots (Being a Teenager is Confusing)**

XXXX

March 25, 2018

Friendly Flash: You told Parker, didn't you?

Friendly Flash: And MJ too because she's giving me a look that isn't quite pity but almost there.

Girl Friday: MJ just knows stuff. You should realize this by now. And I think that look might be empathy. And I can't tell you why she has empathy for you because I don't spill my friend secrets. So, what did I allegedly tell Parker that you're mad at me about?

Girl Friday: Also, if somebody asks you to be in a bridal party that mostly consists of small children and secret agents, say no. I've been bitten twice by Simmons's toddler cousins. Now I understand why Miles was nominated as ring bearer. Heathens, all of them.

Friendly Flash: He just stammered and told me he doesn't see me in a romantic way yet, but we can try to be friends.

Girl Friday: Did he actually say "yet"?

Friendly Flash: Yes, although I'm not sure he's aware, he said that. Peter also said that he is proud of me trying to do better and accepting help for my learning disability. What the fuck did you tell him?

Friendly Flash: Or is this guilt for you guys watching my dad make a complete ass of himself yesterday? I knew I should've disconnected from the video call the moment he walked into the room. But I chose not to because I really do hate him.

Girl Friday: And now you have video evidence of his abuse if you want to press charges like you should.

Friendly Flash: I'm not ready to do that. I just want to get out.

Girl Friday: We are working on that, although dad already ordered your furniture for your own bedroom at our apartment. You have an open invitation to crash at our house. Also, my dad now wants you to come with us on spring break. You need to not be there is much as possible.

Girl Friday: As for Peter, I told him nothing regarding your conflicted feelings. Maybe you're more obvious than you think you are.

Friendly Flash: Really, you didn't say anything to Parker? Because right now, I'm not sure I can take being on an island with him for a week.

Girl Friday: Really. Peter may have sort of compared my efforts to get you and him to stop arguing to me trying to get my parents to start talking to each other again after the Avengers' uncivil toddler squabble in Germany. Peter said the only difference was that you and he would never get engaged, and I didn't react the way he expected me to, and he figured it out from there.

Friendly Flash: Fuck. Do you think they will serve me wine? Why is this the one time Mr. Oblivious gets a clue? He's still doesn't know about MJ yet.

Girl Friday: I did point that out to him, mainly because he still doesn't get that MJ is flirting with him. He quickly ran away.

Friendly Flash: That is so Parker. I need a drink. I'm still mad the new Captain America took my flask last night.

Girl Friday: Sorry, hard no on the alcohol. You're on the "do not serve list" with my dad, Laura, and Simmons' cousin Rita. A.k.a. the recovering alcoholics. No one is going to serve you. If you grab a champagne flute, Yo-Yo will grab it from you.

Friendly Flash: How did I end up on the alcoholics' list?

Girl Friday: You're on that list because your inebriated self slept it off in our guestroom after you drunkenly punched out Damien at the Valentine's Day dance, not that he didn't deserve to get his nose broken after the attempted rape. Also, your dad gave my dad Howard flashbacks, so he is concerned.

Friendly Flash: He would know. It's been all over twitter that he's been 12 stepping since the original Avengers broke up and apparently that's true. Also, why do all your non-high school friends have superpowers, or are superheroes?

Girl Friday: My dad is a UN Avenger and now the head of the agency in charge of people with superpowers, these are work colleagues. I'll see if someone can bring you some of the brownies.

Friendly Flash: Is it laced with pot? I need some sort of drug to deal with the fact that I was just politely rejected by _Peter Parker_. Liz isn't going to be able to stop laughing when I tell her.

Girl Friday: Don't tell her. I will introduce you to Joey after the wedding.

Friendly Flash: Who will be with his boyfriend. Is Spider-man going to be here? Can you introduce us? I feel like I should at least thank him after saving me from the Watchdogs at school Wednesday.

Girl Friday: If he is, he will be in his civilian identity, and I can't tell you who that is. At least not until he gives me permission.

Friendly Flash: You absolutely suck.

Girl Friday: I'm trying to convince my Aunt Pepper to give you a paid internship starting this summer in California, so you can file for emancipation, get an apartment, and not have to live with either of your parents. Dad's willing to put in a word for you because he hates your dad right now.

Friendly Flash: So, do I. Okay, now I love you again.

Girl Friday: We'll talk after the wedding. I have to go find Miles. He just disappeared. One of the cousins tried to bite him. Why can't the agents chase after him?

Friendly Flash: I am glad I'm not the one wrangling eight-year-olds.

Girl Friday: Especially one that can turn himself invisible, but hasn't figured out how to control that power yet. At least the Taser power didn't accidentally activate.

Friendly Flash: Your jokes are ridiculous sometimes.

Girl Friday: I try.

**XXXX**

Friendly Flash: Thank you for taking me to a wedding where the groom has a worse father than me. I didn't think that was possible.

Girl Friday: The bride of the groom also found out that her dad is fucking around on her mom, so equally bad dads all around.

Friendly Flash: That's not equally awful. That's on the same level as my dad. I'm just shocked my parents are still married, honestly. I would think that they had an open marriage, but that would require them to actually talk to each other. The father of the groom is the absolute worst. My dad is awful, but I don't think he would crash my wedding with a group of terrorists and ninjas. Also, the dick shot his own kid.

Girl Friday: The ninja may have been May or possibly Daisy. And your father could get to that point, that's why I want you to let me get you out of there permanently now.

Girl Friday: Agent May a.k.a. Agent America. The two Mays are confusing.

Friendly Flash: The person I saw did not have the Captain America shield, so it may have been one of the bad guys. Also, I saw Peter's aunt hit the father of the bride. I think all Mays are badass by nature.

Girl Friday: You may be right because I don't think it was an accident.

Girl Friday: Look even by our standards, this was weird. Nobody thought the Watchdogs would attack the wedding.

Friendly Flash: Yet everybody had guns and other weapons, including the bride. Your cousin said that she made them tactical wedding attire. Your cousin is cool, by the way.

Girl Friday: She is the best. We thought that Alastair could've shown up, and he did, but the terrorist group was unexpected. Also, my cousin was in the bridal party too. That alone means extra security, and that's why she designed the bridal wear that she did.

Friendly Flash: I forgot your cousin is royalty. She just seems so normal, by Midtown High standards. The bride shot her father-in-law.

Girl Friday: He tried to kill the groom. After shooting his ex-wife and his other son. He deserved for their life partners to kick his ass afterward. I am honestly surprised Hunter didn't break his neck.

Friendly Flash: Are they okay?

Girl Friday: Yes. They are at a medical facility, and I've been told they're doing well. Are you okay?

Friendly Flash: Yes, we're back at the hotel sitting down for the reception despite the fact the wedding didn't happen.

Friendly Flash: BTW, Spider-man rescued me again.

Girl Friday: And yet this didn't show up on your Instagram?

Friendly Flash: It was so cool. After that one guy failed to get me with that weird crystal thing and instead turned into a human bomb, one of the other Watchdogs tried to shoot me, but Spider-Man used his webbing to get rid of the gun. That may have also been when May hit the bride's father. He may have said something inappropriate about Spider-Man.

Girl Friday: You're going to blog about that, aren't you?

Friendly Flash: No, because Spiderman asked me not to.

Friendly Flash: And I may have kissed him.

Girl Friday: You did what? You kiss Spider-Man? Was Peter's aunt still there?

Friendly Flash: Yes and MJ.

Girl Friday: How does that work with the mask? How did it even happen?

Friendly Flash: I got caught up in the excitement of not dying, and whatever material his mask was made out of disappeared from him around his mouth. He has very soft lips. Unfortunately, this was when I got my second gentle letdown of the day. I'm going to need an editable or some alcohol. MJ already gave me a candy bar.

Friendly Flash: And a digital book about polyandry and then I think we hugged, sort of. MJ is weird.

Girl Friday: MJ is the best of us. I'll talk to Laura and Suarez. Maybe Dr. S will let you have something for medical reasons. Although it's more likely to be a Xanax. What did he say to you exactly?

Friendly Flash: That will be good because I feel like I'm halfway to an anxiety attack. He said I was a good kisser, but he's interested in someone else. But he is proud of me for standing up to the Watchdogs. He saw me punch one earlier. Not a horrible first kiss by a guy.

Girl Friday: Does this now mean you are definitely into men?

Friendly Flash: I am very into men. Although, I don't think I'll tell Liz about how I got confirmation.

Girl Friday: That is for the best. Now we just need to focus on finding you an age-appropriate guy who is into you.

Friendly Flash: Good luck. Where are you and Parker, by the way?

Girl Friday: Inside the lighthouse. The pissed-off couple just exchanged tear-inducing vows, and we will be heading over to the hotel for the reception. The bride and groom will be coming over in an hour or two after they check and on the groom's mom and brother again at the hospital.

Girl Friday: Okay, we might just have a reception without the bride and groom. I think Fitz wants to stay with his mom and brother. Also, Hunter is a bit of a mess, and he needs emotional support.

Friendly Flash: Don't statements need to be taken?

Girl Friday: It's been handled.

Friendly Flash: That makes sense. I totally forgot this was a wedding for members of the ATCU. I'm never going to a wedding where I have to sign an NDA again. Not that most of the guests are actually following it because there are pictures already up on twitter, none from me. Actually, I think Ned may be responsible.

Girl Friday: I'll talk to him, but I think it might be Simmons's father. He needs to deflect from his company's involvement in the Mardi Gras fiasco.

Girl Friday: Sorry, you're going to have to go to at least one more NDA wedding. You know you're going to be my escort to my father's wedding once Steve is allowed back in the country without the DoD trying to make him a lab rat again.

Friendly Flash: If I have to be your date, I want one of those ICER things. I want to use it on my father.

Girl Friday: I will work something out. I will see you at the reception. Although you wouldn't need weapons if you would go to the police.

Friendly Flash: We'll talk more about that when you get to the hotel.

Girl Friday: I'm holding you to that.

Xxxxx

MJ: So, I ended up watching Flash kiss Peter even though he has no idea it was Peter. Thank the universe Ned was fanboying over Quake, a.k.a. my cousin at the time and saw nothing. He's already having difficulties with the transition in our relationship with Flash from enemies to at least cordial acquaintances. This would send him over the edge.

Girl Friday: Your thoughts?

MJ: Boys are idiots.

Girl Friday: Agreed. Go on.

MJ: I think the crush might not be as one-sided as Peter believes because saving Flash 2 times in three days means something, and it definitely looked like he enjoyed that kiss. Also, Ned just needs to realize that Peter will have other friends.

Girl Friday: Also, Ned doesn't know that this morning, Peter told Flash that he doesn't like him in a boyfriend capacity, but he wants to be friends. Also, apparently Peter use the word "yet" but is not aware of that

MJ: That was definitely a Freudian slip. Ned thought he convinced Peter to tell Flash that he would never have any type of relationship with him. Of course, Ned thinks Peter is rejecting Flash's offered to be friends. Ned has no idea about the crush. Neither one of us wanted to accidentally out Flash.

Girl Friday: More like he's in denial land. It's so obvious. Boys are idiots. I'm not supposed to get headaches, but I think they're trying to make the impossible possible.

MJ: So much. The jealousy is annoying.

Girl Friday: If anybody should be jealous, it should be you because I know you like Peter as more than a friend.

MJ: I don't feel jealousy. I'm not entirely sure what I feel, but it's not jealousy.

Girl Friday: And that's okay. You can take your time. Emotions are complicated. I still don't understand most of them.

MJ: I've had them for longer than you, and I'm still confused. Also, Peter should tell Flash about his secret identity. If he tells him this weekend, Flash would be under the NDA he already signed.

Girl Friday: But he won't.

MJ: Not at all. Also, I heard Peter's Second rejection speech to Flash. He pretty much told Flash that was the best kiss he ever had, but he already had feelings for someone else. I think I might be that someone else.

Girl Friday: He could still be talking about Liz.

MJ: Don't lie to me, Stark. I know better.

Girl Friday: You're right, but I didn't tell you that. So, what are you going to do?

MJ: Give Peter time to figure out how he feels. Me and him are just 15 years old. We don't need to be in a formal relationship or put labels on anything. It's not like the end of the world is going to happen tomorrow. We can take a moment to figure everything out. We can focus on friendship for now, and I'm including Flash in that.

Girl Friday: All valid points. I think we have at least a year.

MJ: If this is still going on in a year, I am locking us all in a room together until we work it out.

Girl Friday: This is why you're the smart one. I'm sure oil of some sort will be involved. Do you want me to try to convince Peter to dance with you?

MJ: That might be an excellent first step.

MJ: Wait, are you actually joking about us having a year until the end of the world? You are joking, right?

Girl Friday: Hey, I have to go. They're letting us go back to the hotel, I'll see you in a few minutes.

Xxxxx

Girl Friday: So, is Flash a good kisser? Also, how does it feel to reject the same guy twice in one day without him being aware of that?

BFF Peter: Awful.

BFF Peter: I mean, I feel awful to tell him that I only want friendship right now. He is actually a pretty good kisser.

Girl Friday: So, are you ready to acknowledge you are not a Kinzie zero?

BFF Peter: Maybe not, but I really like MJ a lot, and up until two months ago, I hated Flash with a fiery passion. One kiss doesn't make all that go away, even if I enjoyed it. But I'm me not be as heterosexual as I initially thought. I'm still trying to figure that out.

Girl Friday: Remember, sexuality is a spectrum. It's also possible that you're more attracted to MJ because you know her better.

BFF Peter: That might be the case. Although, I think I can be friends with Flash, once we work through the awkward crush stuff. And the years of past bullying, which might actually be harder to overcome. Although after meeting his father, things make a lot more sense now.

Girl Friday: Unfortunately. Are you going to be okay with him coming with us to Stark Island for spring break? You know MJ isn't coming with us because Daisy is going to come up to Queens for the week to get to know her cousin. Although not her uncle because he disappeared again, but we're not supposed to mention that to MJ.

BFF Peter: Yes. Mostly because I don't want to leave him with his parents. We have to convince him to leave now. I don't want what happened to Mr. Leopold to happen to Flash.

Girl Friday: Today scared me too, even though Leo is going to be just fine. I'm going to try again tonight. I think he might be more susceptible after what happened today. Now Flash is aware of how bad things could get. Fitz's father, with a history of physical violence and substance abuse, tried to kill him, his brother, and mom. That's very close to the situation Flash is in.

BFF Peter: I hope you're right. However, if Flash doesn't do that, I would like for him to spend as little time around his family as possible. Also, maybe him being on Stark Island will give us a chance to work through the awkward stuff, not at school. I'm starting to realize he isn't who I thought he was.

Girl Friday: That's true. Speaking of awkward stuff, are you going to ask MJ to dance with you once we get to the hotel? You know, after you change into your backup suit. The reception is going on without the bride and groom, and we should make the best of it.

BFF Peter: No. I'm not even sure she's going to be down at the reception. Or if she is, MJ will probably be reading, and I don't want to interrupt her. MJ hates when you do that.

Girl Friday: You are hopeless. So hopeless. Flash, who isn't even completely comfortable acknowledging that he is at least bisexual, made a move on Spider-Man, and you're afraid to ask MJ to dance.

BFF Peter: And he got rejected.

Girl Friday: Not really because you still want to pursue a relationship with him, just a platonic one, at least for now. Friendship is not a consolation prize, and I think he needs that more. You know I'm his only actual friend at Midtown right now, and I am a mind stone enhanced LMD. I think he needs humans.

Girl Friday: It's not that you are not interested; it's more that you already head over feet for MJ. I don't think the situation will be the same with her. Besides, it's just a dance, not a marriage proposal. You can do that.

BFF Peter: Since we just arrived at the hotel, I'm going up to my room to change.

Girl Friday: Coward.

Girl Friday: BTW your aunt saw you kissing Flash.

BFF Peter: Shit!

XXXX

Friendly Flash: Parker totally rejects me for MJ, and yet he's absolutely terrified of even talking to her. He's been staring at her all night, especially when we were dancing together. I owe her chocolate for not bringing up the Spider-Man rejection thing.

Girl Friday: You know MJ keeps all her observations to herself, but she's not going to turn down good chocolate. Also, what do you expect from Peter? He figured out you had a crush on him a month ago, and it took him this long to talk to you about it.

Friendly Flash: Before the dance?

Girl Friday: Yes

Friendly Flash: Okay, this is going to take years at a minimum.

Girl Friday: At least one.

Girl Friday: Silver lining, Peter wants to be friends. And I think he actually means that. You need more friends. You can't eat lunch with me every day.

Friendly Flash: You are better company. Also bonus points for pissing off Ned. I think he still hates me. He won't stop glaring.

Girl Friday: Probably because he knows I'm texting you in the middle of a conversation because even I can only take talking about Legos for so long. I'm going to go introduce him to my cousin to make up for it.

Friendly Flash: 20 bucks says he faints.

Girl Friday: You're on.

Girl Friday: Dammit. What forms of electronic payment do you accept because my dad doesn't believe in cash?

XXXX

BFF Peter: I am so sorry that Ned's mom cursed out your dad for the fainting thing. He only lost consciousness for a few minutes, and Dr. Suarez wasn't worried at all. He's just resting in the other room right now.

Girl Friday: It's not the first time my dad has been cursed out in Filipino, nor will it probably be the last. It's okay. Also, apparently, this happens a lot with my cousin.

BFF Peter: Understandable. Can you please save me from my aunt? She's giving me part two of 'the talk' because I'm an idiot and admitted that I liked kissing Flash. She just called room service for a banana. You know what that means. She probably got condoms from your father. If she starts talking about lubricant, I'm crawling out the window, literally.

Girl Friday: That she loves you and wants you to be safe. Some people don't get that.

BFF Peter: I know.

Girl Friday: Hey, I can't talk. Flash just came over.

Girl Friday: Actually, MJ dragged him over here to talk about his dad. He said you can come too. He only wants to have this conversation once, and I think he wants you there for emotional support despite the awkwardness. Dad is trying to conference in Jennifer Walters from legal.

BFF Peter: I will be over there in three minutes. Is he ready to leave?

Girl Friday: Yes. I think MJ is a miracle worker.

To be continued


	12. I3: Tony Stark, Friend to All Children

Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last section of conversations. You are all wonderful.

It has been a crazy few weeks in the MCU behind the scenes. So, we are going to eventually see a truly connected MCU. Still, some of our TV favorites may get the "Legends" treatment like what happened with Star Wars. I know some are sad that we will not be getting another season of Cloak and Dagger. I am too. Always remember comic book characters are never really gone. They either get re-launched with a new creative team or do guest spots in other people's books. I have the same hope for my favorite agents. But in the meantime, we will play in my world where everything works together beautifully.

This is a little on the short side. That's only because I've been doing a lot of 3000 to 4000-word chapters for this story compared to the 1000 to 2000 word chapters I did for I Hope You Have Unlimited Text Messaging.

I originally had this as part of the last section, but I decided to move it to its own chapter. Then I added a little bit because I realize I had to big of a time jump.

Interlude Three: Tony Stark, Friend to All Children (and Maybe a Few Teenagers Too)

* * *

March 26, 2017

The fiancé: So, I may have picked up another kid.

Steve: I'm not surprised, especially because Ana let me see the cell phone video of the incident from Friday evening.

The fiancé: And now you know why I couldn't bring Thompson back to that house in good conscience.

Steve: He's ready to leave?

The fiancé: I think Leo's father crashing the wedding and trying to kill his ex-wife and child made him see how serious this could get.

The fiancé: Or maybe it was MJ. She was the one who dragged him to our room after the reception. He confessed everything. Not just to Afia but to me, Jennifer from legal, and the kids minus Ned. Afterward, he crashed with Peter and MJ sleeping next to him. Afia didn't say a word when they kicked her out of her own bed.

Steve: She just took over your bed?

The fiancé: Yes, despite not actually needing to sleep. I think it all really upset her. It made me upset. That video is just the tip. I've seen the bruises, and I had fewer after the battle of New York.

Steve: I would like to say I'm surprised, but I can't be after seeing the video.

The fiancé: I cannot send him back there, especially because he now wants to leave. I really didn't want to before. I think he was afraid previously because his parents are influential, and he was sure no one would believe him.

Steve: Now, he knows better.

The fiancé: Or thanks to the Fitzsimmons wedding, he's aware of the worst-case scenario. It's a small miracle no one on our side died. I think it was the tactical bridal wear. Either way, Flash is willing to take our help getting out sooner rather than later, and I'm going to provide it.

Steve: Sometimes, it's hard to admit that you need help. What's the plan?

The fiancé: I'm working with Kevin, Laura, Suarez, and May to put a game plan together. Peter reminded me that his aunt is a registered foster parent. However, since Flash is 17 as of last weekend, he wants to go the emancipation route, and we are trying to figure out how to do that. As we work that out, he'll be in the guest room.

Steve: You're going to claim he is in ATCU protective custody?

The fiancé: We are only telling that to child services, and it is not really a lie.

The fiancé: So, after getting expelled, Damien joined the Watchdogs, and to get revenge for the nose thing, Damien told them that Flash had the Inhuman gene. Because of that, Flash is now a target of the Watchdogs. Therefore, it may be a good idea for him to be somewhere else.

Steve: I feel a headache coming on. I'm not surprised an attempted rapist joined a terrorist cell.

The fiancé: It's a natural progression, unfortunately,

Steve: Is this why you didn't call last night?

The fiancé: Part of the reason. Also, I was being cursed out in Filipino by Ned's mom. He passed out when he met the Princess.

Steve: Seriously?

The fiancé: Yes, and apparently, it's all my fault, along with the groom's father trying to kill his brother and mom. Although considering Ned hyperventilated when he met Agent America, I should have considered this a possibility.

Steve: You really should have.

The fiancé: I know. She only calmed down once I got Dr. Suarez to speak with her. This means Ned is definitely not going with us on spring break.

Steve: Is that a good or bad thing?

The fiancé: I'm not sure yet. Pepper is going to be there, but Happy will not be, so it will be awkward no matter what. Anyway, Laura is calling. I'll talk to you later. Miss you.

The fiancé: Miss you too.

* * *

April 1, 2017

The fiancé: Good news Flash has been at our house for 6 days now, and he has yet to figure out his best friend is technically an LMD. Nor has Flash got into a fistfight with Peter.

The fiancé: There hasn't been any kissing either, just bonding over questionable science fiction movies. Also, Ned hasn't freaked out about it yet because he's not allowed to come to either townhouse because his mom doesn't trust May P or me right now. I don't know if Ned knows Thompson lives with us now because I think he's banned from texting Afia. Peter is avoiding all conversations about Flash.

Steve: I assume that's good, sort of. Although I am sorry that Ned's mother still mad at you for something you couldn't control. It's not right what she's doing.

Steve: Wait, "kissing"?

The fiancé: I get the angry mom thing. I'm just not going to worry about it for now. She'll come around eventually.

The fiancé: As for the kissing thing, a certain teenage princess program, the Spidey nano suit to allow for kissing privileges. Flash was so happy when Peter saved him that he kissed him, not that Flash knows he kissed Peter because he's still in the dark about the secret identity thing.

The fiancé: May P is making me give Peter the other sex talk now we're sure Peter isn't completely straight. Due to the fact he kind of liked kissing Flash but just wants to get to know him better in a platonic way, mostly.

The fiancé: I'm trying to avoid it for as long as I can, but I'm sure I'm going to have to give him the talk eventually. It has to be less embarrassing coming from me than it was for me getting it from Aunt Peggy and Jarvis.

Steve: The thought alone is making me embarrassed, especially now that I'm aware Peggy gave you the talk.

The fiancé: Finding out that your ex-girlfriend is responsible for your current fiancé understanding the importance of stretching and lube is probably mortifying on multiple levels.

Steve: Otherwise, how have things been going?

The fiancé: Nice subject change. Overall, it's been good. The state of New York is okay with him staying with us, although technically, May P is his foster parent. Jennifer is working on emancipation in the meantime.

Steve: I've always known your great at loophole abuse.

The fiancé: I'm the absolute best at loophole abuse.

Steve: What about the watchdog thing? Are they still going after Flash and the other kids?

The fiancé: They tried to attack again yesterday. It didn't work, but the principle is concerned. So, Simmons is going undercover as a science teacher at Midtown for the rest of the semester. We think a faculty member or student might be helping the watchdogs. Agent May will be there as her backup posing as the substitute PA teacher.

It was The fiancé: Simmons is happy to be there since it gives her a reason to be in New York while Fitz is pretending to be his "brother" to keep the Board of Directors from being the dicks that they are and giving Leo time to recover.

Steve: I hate your board.

The fiancé: I do, too, but honestly, this was the best solution. Leo will be able to come back to work in three weeks, and in the meantime, we will take advantage of timeline doubles.

Steve: Again, I hate your board. I also hate that the situation with the Watchdogs has come to this.

The fiancé: I am too, but it's necessary. Midtown has eight students with powers that we are aware of, more than any school in the five boroughs. I don't want to yank them all out and move them to the compound like we had to do with the little ones.

Steve: I understand that, but I just wish the situation wasn't so horrible.

The fiancé: Just concentrate on finding the so-called Superior, and I will be so happy.

The fiancé: The actual superior and not a decoy. I can't believe it took new Shield and the governments of a few different countries several months to realize that the "Quinn" Clint found last year was a shapeshifting knockoff to guarantee that Hydra would still have access to Quinn's money after he was killed. Actually, we didn't figure it out until Robin drew a picture of Quinn being fed to the Gravitonium by Reina before she became covered in quills.

The fiancé: Coulson's not sure if fake Quinn was one of those shapeshifting aliens he encountered during the 90s, mostly because he doesn't remember most of what happened. Tahiti sucks.

The fiancé: We can't ask the shapeshifter himself since he was killed in custody because the guy freaked out when his imposter status was called out. I'm trying to just wrap my head around the fact that there might be two different species of shapeshifting aliens running around. At least one of them made an alliance with Hydra.

Steve: Why do I have a feeling your new job is more stressful than you thought it would be?

The fiancé: It is because I didn't quite believe Fury years ago when he told me there was so much more I didn't know about. But this is still less stressful than raising teenagers.

Steve: Although I feel like raising teenagers is more rewarding.

The fiancé: Yes, more hugging. Hey, I have to go because I am going to a meeting in a room at another agency where they won't let me bring my cell phone in.

Steve: That must be torture for you.

The fiancé: So much. I'll call you tonight. XOXO

To be concluded

Since it's probably been at least a year or two since I wrote the chapter in the first story that covers this information, a friendly reminder that Kevin is Tony's former assistant, who now works for Pepper in California. Kevin and his wife are registered foster parents in that state as well as New York. Tony called him in because he knows the system better than a lot of people and can work with the SI legal team to get the ball rolling.

Also, I decided to recant the Quinn thing from the original story now that we know he was killed in cannon before then. To do that, I'm taking advantage of the fact we have shapeshifting aliens in the MCU now. So, thanks to Robin's artwork, we now know that Clint actually arrested a decoy last year, not that anybody figured it out for a while.


	13. Part 10: High School Is Never-Ending

Thank you to everybody who stayed with me on this journey. You are all fabulous. This is our final regular chapter. It's been fun taking this moment to dig deeper into some of these characters. I promise I wrote this story for a reason, and it will all become apparent when I start posting the big sequel. Look for it in January 2020 (after I complete Hydra lullaby). Thank you for all your kind words and your kudos. Your words of encouragement keep me writing.

**Part 10: High School Is A Never-Ending Cycle of Embarrassment (Apparently this is true of adulthood as well)**

* * *

April 1, 2017

Girl Friday: Do I want to ask you if you are responsible for the transportation crash that killed the evil Fitz dad but no one else?

Princess BFF: What is it like having a lived-in foster brother?

Girl Friday: I'm going to take that as don't ask any more questions if you want plausible deniability.

Princess BFF: You are highly intelligent.

Girl Friday: I am a Stark. High school life is as always complicated. Everybody now knows that Quake is MJ's cousin due to the video that Ned uploaded. Betty's trying to kiss her ass again, which we are promptly ignoring.

Princess BFF: I'm not surprised.

Girl Friday: Ned apologized even though he's not actually allowed to speak to me. His mom blocked my number, and dad told me not to unblock it. Just let her calm down on her own.

Princess BFF: His mom is still upset about the fainting incident?

Girl Friday: Yes. She blames my dad. And that's not even going into the terrorist attack.

Princess BFF: If anybody should be blamed, it should be me. I will send an apology basket. I enjoy this concept of your fathers.

Girl Friday: It can be quite useful. Although she did send the one my father sent her back unopened with a note that told my father to go fuck himself, so I'm not sure that it worked. Maybe she did that because the Watchdogs attack the school again well at least attempted to kidnap Cindy again. Of course, the daily bugle is reporting that I'm the target. I hate that conspiracy theory blog.

Princess BFF: Again, not your fault.

Girl Friday: Because all the propaganda of the daily bugle, she thinks there are only targeting Midtown because of me and not all the other Inhumans and enhanced people at the school. Dad is sending agents undercover to the school.

Princess BFF: That's good. Also, why does America allow the media to lie for the sake of ratings and revenue? I do not like this concept of false news. We do not allow that in my country.

Girl Friday: I am personally going with misinterpretation of a constitutional mandate for the sake of profit.

Princess BFF: Much like your gun violence epidemic?

Girl Friday: Anyway, Simmons was supposed to be coming in as a science teacher. But she may take some grief leave to deal with the death of her father-in-law.

Princess BFF: I don't think there will be that much grieving.

Girl Friday: You may be right. Regardless, M May will still be there as Midtown's new gym teacher. Thankfully only Ned and MJ have that this semester. She already informed Peter he has no choice but to join her after school defense club. He's upset because he doesn't want to give up his clumsy cover. Although he almost blew it this morning after catching an orange without looking during breakfast. He's not used to Flash being there yet.

Girl Friday: Thankfully, Flash is convinced that Peter was just faking being a clumsy dweeb to make Ned feel better. Flash, in contrast, is looking forward to self-defense club. Technically it was supposed to be for the power kids only, but the Watchdogs are after him too.

Princess BFF: Instead of acknowledging, Peter has superpowers?

Girl Friday: The denial is strong with those two. I'm pretty sure Flash had a crush on Peter for at least two years without consciously acknowledging it. I think we have at least another year before he catches on to the superpower thing. I keep telling him I'm an LMD, and but Flash doesn't believe me, despite not seeing me eat anything at all.

Princess BFF: I've been told that it's human to try to rationalize what you do not understand. Also, we are going to have to work on the eating thing when I give you your height upgrade the summer.

Girl Friday: Unfortunately, those two are extra human.

Girl Friday: And I look forward to my new body this summer. Can I also go up half a cup size? Let's give everyone the illusion of puberty taking place. Oh, and maybe short hair for a change. That could be cool.

Princess BFF: Maybe. It would help with the illusion of you actually aging. Anyway, I have to go. I was just informed I have a science Council meeting that I must be at in 15 minutes. Also, as soon as Ned is speaking to you again, let him know that he isn't the first person to pass out in my presence. It actually happened again this morning.

Girl Friday: I will as soon as he's allowed to talk to me again. Peter refuses to be our intermediary.

Princess BFF: Because Peter is smart. I would love for all of you to come this summer to visit. There are a few projects we need to work on.

Girl Friday: None of which are willing to talk about in a text message?

Princess BFF: The situation is in flux. However, the long-range communicator is coming along nicely.

April 14, 2017

Boy in the chair: I'm still mad that my mom said I couldn't go with you to Stark Island because of what happened at the wedding or what happened at the school recently. That wasn't your dad's fault. He had the place full of superheroes to protect us. And the watchdogs our just assholes.

Girl Friday: So, you're talking to me again?

Boy in the chair: I am at my father's since I can't be at Stark Island. He thinks my mom is overreacting and gave me my cell phone back. He also unblocked your number since he also has parental controls. He's going to talk to her when he drops me back at the house.

Girl Friday: That's nice.

Boy in the chair: Even he thinks my mom is overreacting. The brother of the groom and his mom made a full recovery. And I don't think anybody is that upset about the groom's father dying in an accident when being moved to another facility. Thankfully he was the only fatality.

Girl Friday: No tears were shed by anyone. I feel like it was the universe's version of a wedding present to Fitzsimmons. If you knew all they went through to be together, you would know that the universe owes them one.

Boy in the chair: I kind of Heard pieces of a story about a rock that creates portals, and Simmons or Fitz ending up to another planet, but I found it confusing. I was going to ask you for clarification, but I lost phone privileges. I couldn't ask you about it in Prof. Fitzsimmons' class. I definitely wasn't going to ask her.

Boy in the chair: BTW, can she teach us for the rest of the year? It's great not to be bored in class this semester.

Girl Friday: Point. It's all very confusing. I'll talk to my dad about the teacher thing. Although he did say something about us taking college classes part-time at Empire State next year.

Girl Friday: I think your mom was more upset about you fainting at the reception than what happened at the wedding. She yelled at my dad for an hour when my dad told her about what happened. I don't even think May P was that upset when she found out about Peter's after school "job." Although an equal amount of curse words were used.

Boy in the chair: That was mortifying. All of it.

Girl Friday: My cousin told me to tell you that you're not the first person to pass out in her presence. Apparently, it happened again just last week, and she doesn't hold it against you. Actually, she wants you to come with us to visit this summer.

Boy in the chair: And you know that's not going to happen since I couldn't come with you on spring break. Right now, I'm just working on her letting me come to your house again as well as keeping my text messaging privileges. This is all very mortifying. Let's never speak of it again.

Girl Friday: Flash has video.

Boy in the chair: And I'm still shocked that did not end up on his Instagram.

Girl Friday: He's working on not being a Dick. Also, unlike some people, he understands what an NDA is.

Boy in the chair: I posted one video of Quake because she's a badass that saved us all from the exploding guy. And I am regretting that because that is probably the reason why my mom is so freaked out now.

Boy in the chair: I'm sorry I forgot I referred to her as MJ's cousin.

Girl Friday: I really think it was the fainting. Although the attack probably didn't help things. Especially because it happened only a few days after the Watchdogs tried to kidnap Cindy and hurt Flash.

Girl Friday: And it happened again, and now we have ATCU agents undercover at school.

Boy in the chair: And yet Flash is with you. How come his parents are cool with it?

Xxx

"So, are you going to tell Ned that I'm here because I'm technically in protective custody because Damien is a terrorist group joining dick and my father's abusive? I'm not 100% sure my parents have realized I don't live with them anymore." Flash asked, drinking a virgin piña colada next to her. At least she hoped it was virgin. They were slowly working on the drinking thing.

They were currently hiding on the beach to give her parents "private time" while Pepper was on a conference call. She's not surprised at all that Flash is reading over her shoulder when he supposed to be reading emails from the lawyers.

"I'm sure they will once our lawyers sue them for child support." Afia joked, sort of. Jennifer was ready for blood. Due to what happened to her cousin, she absolutely despised child abusers.

"That would be because they actually care about money," Flash replied, darkly.

"That is true. I think I'm just going to tell Ned that your parents just don't care. He doesn't need to know everything with Damien. Dad wants to keep that close-hold anyway while he tries to flush out the other Watchdog members at Midtown. He doesn't even know about your crush on Peter."

"Why hasn't anybody told him about that?" Flash asked. "I thought Peter tells Ned everything."

"Considering he started dating Betty in retaliation for me becoming your friend, it was decided we would not tell him about the I have a crush thing. Me, Peter, and MJ voted on it, and it was unanimous. There is also the little fact that we didn't want to drag you out of the closet before you're ready to leave."

"Thank you for that. Ned would probably use it against me. I'm not ready for people to know yet." Flash tells her.

"I want to say no, but I've learned not to underestimate the pettiness of teenagers."

"You're learning." Flash smiles at her as he drinks the last of his piña colada.

"Go play with shirtless Parker while I finish." She said, pointing to Peter, who was currently in the water by himself. "And take pictures for MJ."

"And I know you're not joking about that. Why is MJ okay with me ogling her crush?"

"That's a question to ask her when you email her the pictures. Did you have your iPad read you that book she sent you on polyandry?" Of course, Flash was already walking to Peter at that point. So he didn't even bother to reply to her question.

xxxxx

Girl Friday: Because they don't care. Be glad your mom is overprotective like this. It's a good thing.

Boy in the chair: I don't know. I just want to be on the beach in the Caribbean. How is the vacation going? I can't believe your dad owns an island.

Girl Friday: It's more of a secret base with a house on top of it. It's been good so far. This has been nowhere near as awkward as I thought it would be. We are actually having fun.

Boy in the chair: Flash has apologized for being a dick to us in the past, so I figured he and Peter would get along. Or at least not try to kill each other. I feel like Peter is being too forgiving, but that's Peter. It's probably weird being together without me or MJ as a buffer.

Girl Friday: They are actually doing okay. They're currently in the water together. Earlier, we were trying to convince Peter to at least tell MJ that he has romantic feelings for her during regionals, but he is still terrified of rejection. There is also a lot of blushing involved. Honestly, I was more worried about Pepper and Steve.

Girl Friday: Of course, if you tried to talk to me at all since the wedding, you would know that Flash now lives with us. Most of the awkwardness was dealt with during my dad's sexual health seminar that May P forced us to have. As an AI, I had no trouble buying in anal beads. As a sentient LMD, I do not want to discuss such things with my dad and two of my friends. [Message not sent]

Boy in the chair: Your ex-girlfriend meeting your fiancé would be awkward. How did that go?

Girl Friday: Pepper only slapped Steve one time. And she apologized for resorting to violence. There was lots of crying and hugging, though. Also, long discussions about the beach house's art collection and lamenting that time dad gave half of his art away to the Boy Scouts of America.

Boy in the chair: Really?

Girl Friday: There were conditions, but yes. My dad was dying at the time. He's better now.

Him Boy in the chair: Your life is so strange.

Boy in the chair: Wait, she actually slapped Captain America? How did that happen?

Girl Friday: Yes, and we all know it only happened because of the Steve Rogers martyrdom complex. She's still a little bit angry about Germany. She got her aggression out, and they're good now. They're supposed to cook dinner together tonight.

Boy in the chair: Again, your life is so strange.

Girl Friday: MJ says strange is the new normal. I agree with that. I'll text you some pictures later. Don't put any on social media.

Boy in the chair: I promise.

XXXX

Afia typed those words as Peter and Flash played in the water. She quickly took a picture of the scene and sent it to MJ. Not Ned because he was definitely not team Flash. Later she will look for platonic images as well as things that she won't mind if they show up on social media to send to him. Ned is her friend, but she isn't stupid.

Girl Friday: The boys are being slightly less stupid. [Images attached]

MJ: I'm almost sad I'm missing their attempt at bonding. I wish I were there.

Girl Friday: So how is awkward family bonding.

MJ: Awkward. So very awkward, and it would be so much worse if my dad were actually around. Although it got better after Daisy prevented a watchdog attack. Apparently, Damien also told the watchdogs that I have an inhuman cousin.

Girl Friday: And of course, Ned's video confirmed that. I'm not even surprised. Nothing helps family bonding, like preventing a terrorist attack together.

MJ: This is true. Although now, I am spending the afternoon learning basic self-defense with Daisy and Agent May. I'm currently on a break, and everything hurts still. I thought I would have at least a little bit of a break from our extreme gym classes.

Girl Friday: I'm not surprised. Melinda May is an excellent teacher. Even before the defense club, I've sat in on her driving lessons with Peter, and she's really good at explaining things. You should really join the defense club too. Right now, Flash is the only one that doesn't have powers. He could use someone else like him to work with.

MJ: He still hasn't figured out that everyone else has powers?

Girl Friday: No. He's like a real live version of the residence of Sunnydale.

MJ: I'll think about it. Keep sending me pictures and let me know how the idiots are progressing.

Girl Friday: Will do. I think they're kind of friends, maybe. Except they keep checking out each other's asses. Yes, I have pictures.

Xxxxx

May 27, 2017

Cap Dad: Congratulations on going to nationals again. Your dad did a live stream of the entire tournament. You were fantastic. You're as smart as your dad. I'm so proud of you.

Girl Friday: It was a team effort. MJ is a great team captain.

Cap Dad: The whole team was exceptional.

Girl Friday: It helps that Flash actually says the right answers when he buzzes in. Also, it's much easier for Flash to study now that he doesn't have to avoid his alcoholic father.

Girl Friday: I wish you could've been there, though.

Cap Dad: I want that too. You know I've been in London with your Uncles James and Phil as well as representatives from dozens of nations trying to negotiate the Accords replacement documents.

Girl Friday: Did you make any progress?

Cap Dad: Surprisingly enough, yes. They have agreed to make the new agreement more about the general protection of persons with powers than a tool for superhero regulation. I'm hopeful that I will be there next year sitting next to your dad, cheering you on. Maybe if I'm lucky, I can even make it to nationals in September if this progress continues.

Girl Friday: I hope so. I miss you, and so does dad. Miles and Rio came to watch us too, but you should be here too.

Cap Dad: You know I miss you so much. Thankfully, you're Aunt Pepper just sent me another picture of the whole group. It seems like your having a ton of fun. I'm glad she was able to come so your dad didn't have to be there alone.

Girl Friday: It was great that she could come even though the paparazzi are running wild with it. It's so like high school. But worse.

Cap Dad: I've seen the return of pepperony tag trending worldwide. I don't believe any of it. I trust your dad completely.

Cap Dad: How are you doing in school? I know you haven't got detention recently.

Girl Friday: I think I'm going to be forgiven for the Damien situation by the Midtown student population. It helps that he's been arrested for terrorist activities after the confrontation with the Purple Princess last week. Mostly everybody's talking about our gym teacher "Mrs. Melinda Coulson" and our AP chemistry teacher "Dr. Jamie Fitzsimmons" actually being secret agents. It takes a lot of pressure off of me.

Girl Friday: Okay, and most the school now knows that Flash is suing his parents for child support, despite the divorce. Thanks to those scandals, the school is pretty much ignoring that I exist. I like it and hope nobody figures out I'm the Purple Princess.

Cap Dad: You're making saving the world sound easier than high school.

Girl Friday: I think it might be, or at least I hope it is. It doesn't matter. I have friends, real ones that always have my back, and I don't care about the others.

Cap dad: I only had one real friend growing up. You'll do fine.

Cap dad: And Artie, but he was always more in the boyfriend category. Looking back, that relationship was really complicated and maybe problematic.

Girl Friday: Hey, I have to go. Dad is taking us to a celebratory dinner at one of the better restaurants, all the way in Manhattan. I'll send you more pictures later, as soon as I get more than two bars.

Girl Friday: We'll see you in a couple of weeks after school ends. I can't believe it doesn't end until the 28th of next month. That's so unfair.

Cap Dad: You'll make it.

Girl Friday: I hope.

Cap Dad: At least there wasn't an alien invasion this year. There was one last April.

Girl Friday: Just a little one. I think that's going to be next school year.

Cap Dad: Probably.

Xxxxx

June 28, 2017

Princess BFF: Congratulations on surviving your sophomore year of high school without getting kidnapped by the watchdogs, suspended for punching Betty, or an end of the world Apocalypse.

Girl Friday: It was a near thing today with Betty. Only two more years and an apocalypse to go. It's going to happen sometime after March next year per Leo and Robin's drawings. Considering you walked in on Robin's mom and Sgt. Barnes making out last week, I'm more inclined than ever to believe the prophetic nature of her artwork.

Princess BFF: We are ready. I promise your dad will see you graduate.

Girl Friday: I'm holding you to that. I'm not sure how we're going to be able to do that. Robin keeps drawing different versions of it, even if dad looks older in some of the pictures, he still dies.

Princess BFF: I do not make promises I can't keep. Mainly because we have a plan to keep the mind stone away from the purple one.

Girl Friday: And are you going to do that with it still attached to my brother?

Princess BFF: That will not be a problem for much longer.

The end.

Of course, this is an MCU fanfic, so you know what that means. (Although you probably gathered that from the fact that the chapter count says two more chapters to go.)


	14. You May Want to Get Back in Your Seat

Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story over the last few months. It's been fun to take a moment and focus on another corner of this universe before our Endgame.

A/N: After some recent reviews on the first story, I thought it would be a good idea to clarify Wanda's age in my universe. In cannon, Wanda and her brother were 10 years old when a Stark industries missile killed their family. I'm going with SI stopping weapons production in 2008, which means by Civil War, Wanda can be no younger than 18. In my story, Wanda is in her early 20s a.k.a. old enough to decide if she wants to marry an android. That's her business.

This means she was an older teenager when Hydra began experimenting on her in 2012/2013. This chapter takes place in 2017.

* * *

**You May Want to Get Back in Your Seat**

**July 7, 2017**

Friendly Flash: Thank you again for not only getting me a paid internship this summer but a paid internship in Malibu with free housing. Not that I don't enjoy living at the Stark townhouse, but I want to prove I can survive on my own.

Girl Friday: Pepper likes you, and that's all you need it. How do you like it there? Is Kevin a good boss?

Friendly Flash: Kevin is an excellent boss. I'm learning a lot, even though I'm mostly taking notes and filtering emails.

Girl Friday: That's good. Kevin was one of my favorite former assistance of dad's. Actually, all of them have been really great since Pepper was promoted, but he and his wife were the best.

Friendly Flash: Kevin really is, and he has been helping me with the emancipation process even before he met me because your dad asked him to. I'm glad to have his help since the emancipation process is a little weird in New York. Thankfully, Kevin and the legal team are confident I'll never see my parents again.

Friendly Flash: Kevin really gets what I'm going through. He had to do the same because his family was awful. That's also why he and his wife are registered foster parents. They want to give back.

Girl Friday: That's why dad called him in. He knew he understood the child welfare system of New York. Of course, because the state of New York doesn't trust my dad to be a foster parent, they went the protective custody route. Okay, and technically Peter was your foster brother for a couple of weeks. We knew that it would be really awkward and kept it that way for as short a time as possible.

Friendly Flash: That's complete bull shit. Your dad is much better at being a parent than my parents. They were quickly approved for adoption before the truth came out.

Girl Friday: I'm trying to decide if the caseworker is homophobic, biphobic, or lost a family member in the battle of New York.

Friendly Flash: Possibly all of the above.

Girl Friday: True.

Friendly Flash: Changing the subject, how is visiting the family going? Is it weird being back in Wakanda?

Girl Friday: Not really, in some ways, it's like I'm back here for the first time. This place is beautiful.

Friendly Flash: I wish I could come with you someday.

Girl Friday: I'm working on it. But the other cousin A.k.a. the king has the final say. But the Princess wants all my friends to come, but he's been reluctant so far.

Friendly Flash: That makes sense. How are things with the family?

Girl Friday: Okay, and I've even met my future cousin in law, Nakia. I like her, and she reminds me a lot of MJ. I think MJ would love Nakia.

Friendly Flash: That's good. Too bad MJ is living with her cousin this summer.

Girl Friday: And dad got Peter an internship with the DC branch of the ATCU. He would love my cousin's lab, it's genius Candyland. Although Shuri is busy doing science with my dad, so I'm left to my own devices. This makes me wish Peter was here even more.

Friendly Flash: This is why you're texting me so early your time? And you know Parker would ditch you for lab time. Why aren't you in the lab right now?

Girl Friday: Exactly. You're probably right. Dad and Shuri our working on something really sensitive or rather too classified for me to be a part of.

Friendly Flash: That doesn't surprise me. Kevin just walked in and needs me to work on the project before I leave tonight. I have to go.

Girl Friday: I understand. Write to me later. I heard from a reliable source that you asked a cute intern that looks like a dead ringer for eater Peter or Tom Holland for coffee. How did that go?

Friendly Flash: He looks much more like Tom Holland, complete with the British accent, and I really have to go.

XXXX

Afia put her Stark pad down after sending her last text. Talking Flash was a nice distraction for a moment, but she was nervous again. Afia couldn't text message Peter or MJ because they were taking part in some secret "training" operation in DC. Also, unfortunately, Ned lost his texting privileges again.

Honestly, she was petrified. What if this doesn't work? Yes, she's been a nervous wreck about her dad dying. However, Robin's drawings of her big brother's destroyed body on the grounds of Wakanda haunted her just as much. This had to work. She did not want to contemplate the alternative.

"You can tell him the truth if you want to. I know he is your best friend." Wanda says from beside her. The woman grabbed her hand again. She's been doing it on and off for the last seven hours as they sat in the waiting room outside the labs/royal medical facility.

"I know. But if I do explain to Flash that I'm freaked out about my big brother undergoing major surgery, then I'm going to have to explain that I'm actually an LMD. An LMD that has been enhanced by her mind stone powered sister-in-law, but still an LMD. I tried to explain the LMD thing before, and he thought I was joking. He's lived with us since March and still hasn't realized that Peter has superpowers, and I don't actually eat that much." She explains to her sister-in-law Wanda. (The SI legal team is working on the legality of their marriage.)

"You have to tell him eventually."

"But not today. I rather make jokes about Flash's coffee date." Yo-Yo in her cover as the new head of SI West Coast security sent her pictures of the Peter clone he's trying to get with. "Is it rude to keep pointing out that Flash is attracted to someone who looks so much like Peter that dad authorized the DNA test? Cloning could be a thing."

"I understand. I'm worried that this may not work, or if it does, the person who comes out of that room won't be my husband." Wanda's voice was filled with worry.

"I am too, but you saw Robin's drawing. Would you rather have him be different than not be around at all? Because that's what's going to happen if we do nothing. We have to try."

"I know, I just don't want to end up alone." Wanda lamented.

"You're not alone. Your family." Afia placed an arm around her. "Dad set you up a trust fund and everything."

"That's true." Her father said as he walked into the room. "Part of me thinks you will light the money on fire due to all the ways I've fucked you over in the past, but I rather have you do that than the board argues over it."

"Is he okay?" Wanda asked.

"Perfectly okay. The Princess asked me to bring you both to his room." At his words, Wanda exhaled in relief. She actually looked on the verge of crying."

"Look, I understand. If Steve were the one going under the knife, I would be equally freaked out. But Vision is okay." Her dad tells both of them.

"I'm not going to believe that until I see him."

"Follow me." Five minutes later, they found themselves in his room. Vision was already conscious and talking with Leo and Fitz. Wanda quickly ran inside and wrapped herself around her husband. She really was crying tears of joy at that point. All her fears were alleviated when she realized that he was still her big brother even if the mind stone was gone. Although Afia glanced at the top of his head only to see that the stone was still there.

"That's a decoy." Her cousin told her, noticing where her eyes were lingering.

"Where is the mind stone?" Afia asked.

"Secured. The fewer people that know the actual location of the stone, the better." The Princess told her.

"Personally, I don't want to know. That way, the purple one can't torture the location out of us." Her father responded.

"Exactly. Only I and the team of Dora Milaje responsible for the stone's security know where it is. Even my brother is unaware, by choice."

"I still think we should find a way to destroy it," Leo told the group.

"We don't know the consequences of doing that. That should be an option of last resort." The Princess responded. "Let us leave Vision, so he can recover."

"I'm going to stay," Wanda said, already lying down beside her husband.

"Of course," Afia said before placing a kiss on her sister-in-law's forehead. "Remember were always here. We are family."

* * *

July 8, 2017

Dora Milaje 1661: We have successfully gone through the dimensional portal created by the black monolith. Stone is secure, and we are setting up camp. Please respond.

HRH: Message received. 22.1 hours message delay. Not bad. We will improve. Additional supplies will be sent through the monolith during the next moon cycle.

* * *

One more to go

As a reminder, HRH is a designate for Shari.


	15. Are you regretting that soda?

This is it, our final post-credit seen. You are all absolutely fabulous. I want to once again thank everybody who has been with me through these first two stories in our Tony and Steve make better choices timeline. Our fun is just beginning.

* * *

**I bet you're regretting that supersized soda right now.**

Late afternoon March 24, 2018

MJ: I got a very cryptic text message from my cousin about going to Norway with Asgardians for reasons she won't tell me. Then she Messaged 15 minutes later saying that she loved me. Since I haven't heard anything else for the last five hours, I'm concerned. Is there anything you want to tell me?

Girl Friday: That explains why you were so freaked out in our last class. I knew she was in New York following up on the hashtag Thor sightings reported all over twitter today, but I don't know anything beyond that. Do you want me to call my dad? Although I don't know what he can tell you at this point.

MJ: Liar. I know she was on a stakeout. In the future, just say, "I know, but it's too classified to tell you." Even though I think I have the same security clearance you do, thanks to my summer internship.

Girl Friday: I really don't know that much. Although it wasn't Twitter, it was one of Robin's drawings that you're not supposed to know about but do anyway. My dad might have an update on her or Leo.

MJ: My summer internship was very productive.

Girl Friday: But not productive enough that you and Peter managed to get together. Also, maybe you should have tried Coulson first. I know he likes you.

MJ: I did try Coulson first but didn't get an answer. As for the Peter situation, he is still lamenting the fact that Flash is dating his British West Coast look alike. I'm just going to let that work itself out.

Girl Friday: Not anymore.

Girl Friday: Also, nice to know I am your second choice.

MJ: What?

Girl Friday: The Peter clone is obviously the evil one, not that he's actually a clone. We ran a test. Although they are distantly related.

MJ: What happened?

Girl Friday: This afternoon, Flash ran across images of his now ex making out with some other girl on Instagram. After I dropped off Miles to spend quality time with May P, we started binging on ice cream. Which we're doing because I'm trying to make sure Flash gets his twelve-month chip.

MJ: Aren't you glad your cousin gave you the ability to eat food? You're also a really great friend.

Girl Friday: Very. Hey, I have to go. My Avenger line is ringing. Maybe it's an update on your cousin.

MJ: Maybe. If you hear anything, let me know.

Girl Friday: I will.

Avengers/Shield emergency communication line of Purple Princess

TMNS: Hey, I'm coming to get you. Avenger emergency, and they are calling us in. Are you at the Queen's house or with Flash? I'm leaning towards the latter since he hasn't posted anything on Instagram for the last two hours and that usually happens when you're together. Is Miles with you?

Purple Princess: I'm at Flash's apartment, and Miles is with your aunt. You know I'm going to be spending a lot of time over here for the next couple weeks due to Steve coming home from Mumbai. I love my stepdad, but I don't want to hear them having sex ever. You know how loud they are.

Purple Princess: Is this about Daisy? MJ just text me. Five hours ago, Daisy texted her to let her know that she was going to Norway with Asgardians and then followed up with I love you. In the language of superheroes, that means a possible suicide mission. Obviously, MJ is concerned that she hasn't heard anything since.

TMNS: I would make a comment about you, wishing you could go back to the days where it didn't embarrass you to hear your parents having sex, but it's not the time.

TMNS: Sorry, nothing about Daisy. Ana just told me that five minutes ago, an individual matching the description of Hawkeye, except with more tattoos, just teleported into the upstate compound and won't stop crying.

Purple Princess: You know it says a lot of things about our life where the teleporting thing doesn't bother me, but the Clint thing does.

TMNS: We all know the Bartons are on a break with Hawkeye sleeping in your dad's guest room on the West Coast with Nat Junior accompanying him. Ana confirmed to Karen that he is still there, giving Nate a bubble bath at the moment.

Girl Friday: Fuck! Ana, do you know anything else about our visitor? Also, can I have a Daisy update if you have it?

As soon as she typed the words, Afia collapses to the floor as a sea of data overcomes her consciousness.

* * *

"Peter, Ana has just informed me that the visitor and Laura Barton have disappeared from the Avenger's compound." Peter hears his AI whisper in his ear.

"Shit," Peter exclaimed as he kept making his way to Afia's current location.

"Arrange for a ride. Have the jet pick us up as close to Flash's apartment as they can get. Tell her I'll be there in two minutes."

"I am already rerouting the Quinjet to the roof of Flash's apartment. ETA six minutes. Unfortunately, I cannot inform Afia of this because she is off-line." Karen explains

"What do you mean Afia has gone off-line? How did she go off-line? What does that mean?" Peter asked Karen, who he knew was interfacing with Ana.

"Her system was overwhelmed with data, similar to a denial of service attack." His AI explained.

Peter doesn't actually listen to Karen as she speaks. He's too worried about Afia. And maybe if Peter weren't so concerned, he would have taken two minutes to deactivate the nano suit before coming into Flash's apartment. But he could already see the unconscious Afia lying on the floor with Flash above her trying to find a pulse. One that Flash won't fine because she never had one in the first place. In his ear, he hears Karen telling him how to reboot Afia. Her left ear contains the manual restart disguised as an earring.

"Your Spider-man? I kissed you last year? That's when he realizes that he's standing in Flash's apartment mask off. Karen must have dissolved the mask while he was reviving Afia.

"Not the time Flash."

"You rejected me twice on the same day, and she didn't tell me." Flash sounded hurt.

"Because I asked her not to." Just like she didn't tell me that you started dating my look-alike last summer. He found out about it when he came across a picture of it on Afia's cell phone by accident. "This is not the time to freak out about this."

"It is a perfect time. I can't believe I kissed you after you rejected me for MJ, who you still haven't made a move on. If I'm going to be friend-zoned, at least make a move on MJ."

"I'm not Friend zoning you, it's…" Peter started to say, just as Afia opened her eyes.

"Great, dad won the bet. He is going to be insufferable." His friend said groggily.

"What bet? Are you okay?" Flash asked

"When Peter would accidentally tell you that he Spider-Man. We started a betting pool last year at the Fitzsimmons wedding before the terrorists arrived. I'm surprised it took this long. Oh God, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Peter, why are you here?" Afia asked, trying to sit up.

"You don't remember our text conversation 10 minutes ago? The situation has been upgraded to Laura being kidnapped by the tattooed spouse look alike." Peter explained.

"We have to get to the compound. Also, Karen just informed me that you're going to have to get any updates on Daisy from your dad. Apparently, it's above your clearance level."

"That's never a good sign. I'm so glad I told dad I didn't want to go to the Fitzsimmons anniversary party. The last thing I remember was I was dropping off Miles with your aunt and grabbing ice cream so that we could mourn the ex-boyfriend. The asshole actually ended things by posting a picture of his new girlfriend on Instagram. Then the jerk dared to tell Flash that they were never really together. He actually said it was a phase. I'm planning to make sure he never gets another internship anywhere again tonight."

"That was two hours ago, and you already enacted your revenge. Also, I didn't want Parker to know that I got dumped via Instagram." Flash told both of them. This is not the time to examine why he wants to go to California to punch out Flash's now ex-boyfriend. They need to focus on why Afia doesn't remember the last two hours.

"You received a large amount of data from designate Friday from the year 2023. Since Afia is no longer an AI, this caused her system to shut down." Karen explained. "Ana redirected the information to the compound servers, and your body is rebooting with your most recent backup memories. You will be missing two hours of memories, but Ana is attempting to recover."

"What is going on?" Flash asked, confused even though he was still holding onto her.

"So, you remember all those times I joked about being a robot? I wasn't joking. You just took it that way. Also, your first two male crushes were on the same person. Surprise. And at least it's a better surprise than what you saw on Instagram."

Afia told him just as Flash collapsed in front of him. He only caught him in time because his 'Peter Tingle' told him to. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

**Aifa Stark-Rogers and Peter Parker will return in Infinite Text Messaging to The Endgame. **

**Coming January 2020**

Be on the lookout for a trailer chapter on either this and or the other story before the end of the year. In the meantime, I chose to mark this story as done.


	16. Think of this as your Disney plus extra

Oh, you thought it was over, not quite. You know I always give you more. Thank you for all your comments and kudos. You are all fabulous, but you know that.

* * *

**Think of this as your Disney plus extra feature**

After being married to a Shield agent for well over a decade and now being an agent herself for over a year, Laura has seen a lot of crazy stuff. However, having her estranged husband show up unexpectedly in her apartment at the Avenger compound was not something she was expecting at all.

It was mostly because of the teleportation aspect of it. One minute Laura was alone, and the next, he was standing in front of her and attempting to hug her. It was very disconcerting.

There's also the fact that this Clint was covered in tattoos and had ridiculous hair. She hasn't seen Clint since he picked up Nikki for his time with the baby back in February. Laura is pretty sure one of the kids would've mentioned dad's new tattoos after their numerous video calls with their father. They talked to the man almost daily during their trial separation.

The constant crying also makes her extremely suspicious. That alone is why she text messaged Tony. Ok, the fact that he said he is from the year 2023 and asked why she is not at the farmhouse made her message Tony and send out an Avenger alert. Her real husband knows full well that she hasn't been back to her former home since Ross arrested (kidnapped) her from it almost 2 years prior. Something was obviously wrong.

Thankfully, years as a mom and a guidance counselor made her an expert at typing one-handed while cuddling someone crying. You'll be amazed at how often she had to utilize this skill before.

Counselor Laura: So not to alarm you, but a version of my estranged husband just popped up in my living room with a new tattoo that covers most of his arm and midlife crisis hair. He also says that he is from the year 2023.

Counselor Laura: He also won't stop hugging me or crying.

Boss Tony: That is concerning. Ana says that Clint is currently sitting on the couch of the new Malibu house with Nikki. Apparently, they are now blueberries on the ceiling because lunch went badly.

Counselor Laura: Yet he's here, and he says he's from five years in the future. Is this Leopold all over again?

Boss Tony: He could be an imposter. It wouldn't be the first time because, apparently, shape-shifting aliens exist.

Counselor Laura: Are you saying that this Clint could be an alien imposter like the "Ian Quinn" that turned out to be an alien imposter?

However, right as Laura pressed the send button, she saw a flash of light and felt as if her whole body shrinking. Moments later, it was over, and she found herself in the lab section of the Avenger compound. Except it didn't look like the lab space now. One, there were nowhere near as many teenage friendly science experiments. The kids had their own space.

Instead, there was a van parked in the middle of their usual lab space, and standing next to it was Scott. Although she hasn't met the man in person, Sharon has given her many updates on her charge, complete with pictures, so she instantly recognized the man. What was he doing on the East Coast? His house arrest wasn't up for a few more weeks.

Laura also recognized Simmons and May in the room. Of course, this Simmons was dressed in all black and seemed colder for some reason. She also saw Steve. Thankfully there was a wedding ring on his finger, so at least that was reassuring. At least it was reassuring if Laura did not acknowledge the fact that the wedding was not happening for another month. Also, his beard was gone, and he was back to being blonde.

She also sees Bruce on the platform, except he is now Hulk size and staring at her in complete bewilderment. The fact that he's there at all surprises her because he hasn't been seen since about two days after he and the rest of the Avengers crashed her old farmhouse back in April 2015. She was starting to believe that maybe this was 2023. This was all very weird. What the hell was going on?

"You weren't supposed to bring her back to 2023." She hears May chastise the not her husband, who might be her husband in the future. Because apparently, she really is in the future. Maybe they were divorced because there's no way she would allow Clint to have that hair if they were still married.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked her as he pulled her away from Clint. She could see Natasha now. She now had an arm around Clint or at least was trying to. He pushed her away. Of course, this Natasha had red hair again with blonde ends.

"I'm fine. What's going on?" Laura asked, but nobody answers her. Everybody's attention is focused on May and Simmons.

"Actually, that was the plan. Our plan, anyway." Simmons explained, and May's eyes became filled with concern.

"What did you do?" May asked, the worry evident in her voice.

"Don't give me that look. Do you really think we're going to be able to find all the infinity stones and then magically snap our fingers and bring everybody back?" Simmons asked bitterly.

"Yes, actually." Laura heard Steve respond from beside her.

"Then you're delusional because that's just not feasible. At best, your plan was wishful thinking. We are low on Pym particles that we are unable to reverse engineer despite Deke being able to reverse engineer anything. Regardless of Bruce's help and Deke coming across some old notes on the SI servers, we barely figured out how to create a time guidance system. That's only because we had the residue energy from the monolith to help. No one else may be willing to admit it, but there's no way we're going to be able to reverse what Thanos did, but we could at least get Fitz and Laura back." May looks like she is near seconds from punching Simmons, but Steve quickly leaves Laura to physically hold May back.

"Take a moment." Laura hears Steve whisper. "She is still grieving."

"We are all still grieving. However, we've learned to move forward, but Simmons hasn't. That's not an excuse to be so obsessed about Fitz. You're being very selfish. You even risked your own grandson." Laura mumbles the word grandson under her breath as she continues to look on extremely confused. What the hell is going on here?

"He volunteered," Simmons argued. "And since Stark won't help us, maybe Fitz will when Deke brings him back." Okay, who is Deke? Laura thought to herself. "If anybody can reverse engineer the Pym particles, it's him.

"Except he's not here, and neither is Deke," May yelled back.

"Just because you moved on doesn't mean the rest of us have. We need Fitz, and I had to take this chance to bring him back."

"I've adapted to our current circumstances, but that doesn't mean I've given up hope. Robin says we can do this. I believe her. You could have Fitz back." At the name of the six-year-old, Laura almost relaxed.

"Not the one that was blown up by the monolith. Coulson and Yo-Yo died, and Daisy and Mack turned to dust; you married Captain bloody America and adopted two kids." Simmons yelled.

Laura realizes at those words she is not in Kansas, or rather her own timeline, anymore.

To be continued in Infinite Messaging to the Endgame.

* * *

I was hoping to start uploading the chapters for Unlimited text messaging to the endgame on Valentine's Day, but that just didn't happen. I ended up moving in January, and that took up all my energy.

However, I will begin posting later today. The first 8 chapters are already off to proofreading.

See summary below:

Title: Infinite Messaging to the Endgame

Part three of the Use Your Words universe. Sequel to I Hope You Have Unlimited Text Messaging and Text Messages from the Edge of High school.

Summary: They say that the best way to communicate in an emergency is via text message. A giant purple alien bent on wiping out half of the universe's population with the help of six infinity stones qualifies as an emergency. This fact is even more apparent now that Laura Barton is currently trapped in a timeline where that happened because the Avengers (read: Tony and Steve) never mended fences. Now the last remnants of those Avengers are trying to fix what happened. What's going to be easier, stopping Thanos from wiping out half the universe with the infinity stones, undoing the damage he already caused in another timeline where he succeeded, or getting that timeline's Tony and Steve to get their shit together? Two timelines, one mission, and an infinite amount of text messaging.

Coming March 1, 2020

Proofreading took longer than anticipated. So, at least you won't have to wait very long.


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